


The Road Not Taken

by fangirlingforeverz, homebound



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Casual Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Minor Character Death, We're sorry, buckle in for the ride folks, but not really, long fic, this is a novel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-10-03 22:33:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 52,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17292695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirlingforeverz/pseuds/fangirlingforeverz, https://archiveofourown.org/users/homebound/pseuds/homebound
Summary: It’s not a surprise when Ken sees the news -- the 20th ward was going on lockdown. The doves had found a ghoul den. Life was merciless, after all. It’s not a surprise as he finds himself standing on that rooftop -- contemplating his next move, either.Stay -- or -- go?(In which, Ken chooses to stay -- and that makes all of the difference.)





	The Road Not Taken

**Author's Note:**

> Well, the monster that we've been working on since... like March is finally complete.
> 
> We'd had this idea for a few years now. We had wanted to write a what-if fic, imagining what could have possibly happened had Ken chosen not to go to the anteiku raid at the end of the first manga. We played with the idea even more during Ken's monologue in chapter 144, where he mentioned that he wondered what would have happened had he chosen to go with Touka and Yomo, instead. We were also somewhat inspired by ladywong's Goodnight, Sleepyhead, and wanted to try our hand at writing a long one-shot.
> 
> And then, this beast was born.
> 
> Let us know if you enjoyed it! Leave a comment and some kudos if you can, though we know the fandom has been more or less dead since the end of the series. Enjoy!

_“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,_

_And sorry I could not travel both_

_And be one traveler, long I stood_

_And looked down one as far as I could_

_To where it bent in the undergrowth;_

 

_Then took the other, as just as fair,_

_And having perhaps the better claim,_

_Because it was grassy and wanted wear;_

_Though as for that the passing there_

_Had worn them really about the same,_

 

_And both that morning equally lay_

_In leaves no step had trodden black._

_Oh, I kept the first for another day!_

_Yet knowing how way leads on to way,_

_I doubted if I should ever come back.”_

_\--_ Robert Frost, _The Road Not Taken._

 

_\----_

  


Life was a peculiar, merciless beast.

 

One moment, you’re a freshman -- all bright-eyed and anxious  about your first day at university. You hope to meet new friends; or to graduate. Maybe you’ll find a good job or a girlfriend, like you’ve always wanted. Someone who would talk to you about Takatsuki Sen -- or Osamu Dazai, who would want to put together the strange, jagged, and uneven pieces of the puzzle that you were. You would leave less like the pathetic loser than when you first entered.

 

And yet, Ken’s life had gone in an unexpected and chaotic direction. He’s 19 now, looking like hell, while consoling his crying “would be murderer who had become a trusted comrade who actually cares about him at this point, as well as an upperclassman who nearly ate his best friend. Entering University had in fact led to multiple changes in is life, though none of them had been good. He’s even inclined to agree that it had also treated the men before him rather unkindly - with the exception of Tsukiyama-san, he thinks it makes sense why they all dropped out.

 

It’s not a surprise when he sees the news -- the 20th ward was going on lockdown. The doves had found a ghoul den. Life was merciless, after all. It’s not even a surprise when he finds himself standing on that rooftop -- contemplating his next move, either.

 

_Stay -- or -- go?_

 

“It’s fucked up, but that’s how it’s like on this bitch of an Earth,” Nishiki comments over Shuu’s soft sobbing. His heart went out for the guy, it really did, nearly eating his girlfriend aside. “But he has a point, if you want to go into that raid at this point, it’s suicide.”

 

Nishiki’s eyes study him for a moment. “Unless that is what you want, then go for it. But you should know I think you’re an idiot for even trying.”

 

Ken looks down at his hands, the anger within him building. He had felt this anger often -- at the unfairness of it all -- at being _weak. He couldn’t protect anything._ Nor could he choose. _Everything that he touched turned to ash within his very fingertips._ Though, this anger is different. It’s deeper -- a starker anger that even his body couldn’t seem to contain.  It’s not just limited to himself anymore, he was angry at Rize, his mother, his horrible aunt and her family — angry at this whole _fucking_ world.

 

_\-- Stay -- or -- Go?_

 

The list could go on and on but it wouldn’t take the blame off of his own complicity in the bad decisions he’s made.

 

“Then what do you suggest I do?” Ken asks, at this point he wasn’t even there was anything he could do. The sadness was inescapable, would death even solve it? A death -- a stylish one?

 

_Fuck it. Fuck everything._

 

He wanted to go -- he had to try, at least, didn’t he? Even if he wound up dying with the rest of them. It’d be quite a way to die, with his friends at his back. At least then he’d be dying for something. His life would mean something as long as he did that. It was the least that he owed to the staff at anteiku, who had taken him in and showed him a new way of life when he had been at his lowest --

 

_Stay -- or  -- go --?_

 

_“You don’t have to sacrifice yourself — you shouldn’t have to do that, just to go out in style. Does it matter when you really want to live?”_

 

The voice sounded more like Hide than he wants to admit, his thoughts scurrying to his best friend. Granted they’ve never spoke about this so candidly, but it would be nice if Hide were here right now. He would know what to do, wouldn’t he? He was good with plans -- with decisions. _Choices._ What would _he_ do?  Or…

 

_Then don’t come back!_

 

_You’re a coward, you only care about yourself._

 

He clenches his fists. Touka. She was always so decisive, too. She would have an answer -- wouldn’t she? _Is that what you want? To throw yourself into this endless bullshit?_

 

Maybe that’s exactly what he wanted.

 

_Acting like some shitty tragic hero with that grim look! You’re an eyesore! You can’t even protect yourself, what makes you think you can protect others?!_

 

She was right. She was _always_ right and yet he can still remember making her cry and turn away from him. Would she even want to see him? What would she do? She’d probably go and fight -- wouldn’t she? Though, she had told him to live. Fighting would end in death, wouldn’t it? A stylish death -- but a death nonetheless. _You’re an idiot_ , he can hear her voice now -- so clearly. _Are you really couldn’t to throw your life away?_

 

He didn’t know.

 

“We can run,” Nishiki pipes up, as though sensing his hesitancy. “I’m pretty sure Yomo and Touka are doing the same.” Yomo and Touka? They were safe, then. Somehow, that was a relief. Somewhat.

 

They listen to Shuu quiet, his pale hands reaching for the can of coffee. Crying was exhausting, he was getting dirt on his expensive clothes. Ken frowns again, that’s how many friends he’s made cry?

 

“And then?” Ken asks. His mind was already churning, formulating some kind of solution that would keep everyone safe.

 

“M-My home,” Shuu gasps, wiping at his face. “It’s just my father and I, there’s more than enough room.” Of course he was only speaking to Kaneki.

 

And maybe little Hinami.

 

Ken’s expression was unreadable.

 

_Stay -- or -- go? Stay -- or -- go? Stay -- or -- go? Stay -- or -- go? Stay -- or -- go?_

 

His eyes squeeze shut, hands balling into fists as he tries desperately to think. He wanted to go -- he wanted to go so badly -- _but --_ He isn’t convinced yet, he — has to make amends. He had decided to return to anteiku, but there wouldn’t be an anteiku soon, would there? Still -- some of the people who had made anteiku into a home for him were still alive, weren’t they?

 

 _That’s a good choice, man,_ Hide’s voice whispers, urging him on. _You don’t have to die. Your friends would want you to live._

 

“Let’s decide as a group then,” he prefers to not think about it, watching the entrance to the 20th get blockaded, it’s difficult to see this but he knew that it was a weight far too heavy for him to carry. And -- there were people still waiting for him -- weren’t they? _I don’t want to leave them behind,_ he thinks to himself. _Not even if I’m not worthy -- and even if i’m selfish and indecisive -- I shouldn’t… leave them behind._

 

Nishiki sits up, smirking as he crumpled up the coffee can. Even Shuu’s interest is a piqued. 

 

—

 

_“The 20th ward is under a large scale warning net. Presently, it has become a restricted area. The target is a coffee shop located in the 20th ward. The probability of it being a ghoul den is…”_

 

There’s no air.

 

Touka chokes, wheezes, and inhales sharply. Despite her efforts, it feels as though nothing but ash enters her lungs, leaving her reeling as she shakily stands up, rising to her feet. It was happening again. It was an all too familiar feeling for her. The moment that the floor collapsed beneath you, when the walls were closing in, crushing you.  It was that moment that when you realize that all of your efforts -- all of your strides and growth had all been for nothing.

 

_You will always be alone._

 

Suddenly, she’s no longer a seventeen year old girl -- she’s not the same girl who had fought hard to survive with nothing but her wits and ability to guide her. She’s not the girl who had killed humans without a second thought, just for angering her or because she was hungry. Nor is she the self assured, hardened bitch that she had forced herself to become in order to just fucking _survive._

 

No.

 

She’s seven. She’s carrying her brother through the 4th ward and it’s so fucking cold. Neither of them had the chance to put on their shoes and she’s barefoot, walking and walking until her feet are bloody and covered with blisters. It hurts to walk, but she continues despite that, even when her eyes are blurred with tears that were freezing against her cheeks. It’s hard to open her eyes, and she sniffles, trying to remain quiet as not to awaken Ayato who was still asleep on her back. He’s heavy -- but she can’t stop. Papa had told her to protect him, after all. She had to protect him. He was her happiness -- the only family that she had.

 

Her family.

 

Anteiku was her family, _too._ Just like that day -- she was losing everything again.

 

She thinks of her brother, her mother, her father, Hinami, Yoriko-chan and _Kaneki._ It was amazing how everything could fall apart in one single moment. Fifteen minutes ago she had been planning to watch a mindless film. Something that was cute that would make it easier for her to fall asleep. Fifteen minutes ago she had stared at her phone, thinking of trying to call Kaneki one last time in order to apologize for punching him and for saying such hurtful things to him. Fifteen minutes ago she had text Yoriko-chan, planning their trip to the zoo. Yoriko had wanted to see the giraffes, while she had thought that those animals looked stupid. She wanted to see the rabbits.

 

Fifteen minutes ago -- she had a family.

 

With a strangled sob, Touka  starts towards the door, running blindly.

 

 _I’m going to be alone again -- I’m going to be alone again -- I’m going to be alone again._ Her mind seems to play this thought on repeat as she reaches for the door only to be met face to face with Yomo.

 

It figured.

 

Once again, loved ones would continue to be snatched away from her -- and someone would always -- _always_ be there to remove her own choice from the matter.

 

\--

 

They sky had darkened, peculiarly bleak as she and Yomo trek through the alleyways of the Ward. Doves, it seemed took as many liberties as possible and sealed off all the exits advancing forth from the 20th Ward. So even if Yomo had proposed the idea of traveling to the outskirts and take the tunnels back to Helter Skelter, it wasn’t something they could do anymore.

 

“We could just stay here,” she mumbles, barely audible in the pounding rain. Her cotton hoodie was drenched despite the rain jacket she was wearing over it.

 

It was fine though, the oversized light blue hoodie kept her warm. Her hands retreat inside the sleeves and she presses the fabric to her nose. Eyes closing and taking in a deep inhale.

 

_It still smelled like him._

 

She remembers taking all of his things out from the break room after he had left. She’s wanted to throw it all away in anger but never could. Even after their last meeting on the bridge. Instead his few sweatshirts had found their place in her closet.

 

And now it might be the only thing she’d have left of him. The idiot would no doubt run to his death. Going out in a blaze of glory like the idiots in the books he’s read.

 

She rubs her cheek, brushing away droplets of rain water. Her fingers were frozen, she grimaced at them.

 

“I’m gonna go sit down, Yomo-San.”

 

The older man casts her a sad look, returns to watching the streets from the shadows.

 

Touka places some flattened cardboard boxes under an awning and sits down. She hugs her knees to her chest and huddles. It was always comfortable like this, warm, she can find some solace in the peace surrounding her this very moment. A place she can pretend - like some fucked up extermination plot wasn’t happening. Like they weren’t burning down the place she’s called home for so long, killed the people she’s called family.

 

Does it even matter to run? If this is what would follow them inevitably.

 

 _Live while we lose…_ what a joke. _I don’t want to give up. I want to live. But would this be her life forever? She doesn’t want to lose anyone else._

 

The sound of splashing feet get closer and Touka straightens up considerably. Ready to fight? Or to flee?

 

“I just got a call from Nishiki,” he doesn’t sound grim. “Apparently Tsukiyama is offering us some shelter.”

 

That sounds highly unlikely. Frowning, she stands, arms enclosed around herself.

 

“W-Where?” She stammers, teeth chattering from the freeze that’s overtaking her. Fuck it, if this was going to be her chance to live then she’ll take it.

 

Yomo shakes his head. “He didn’t say, but we’re supposed to meet in the 4th Ward.”

 

—

 

Her feet hurt, toes feeling like ice cubes. She was sure these boots were ruined for good.

 

“What did shitty Nishiki say? Are we just supposed to wait around?” It was cold and wet and she was tired, understandably angry and Yomo-San was so understanding about it.

 

“He didn’t say anything else but we should wait for more instructions.”

 

She grumbles, pulling the straps over rucksack when she spots a...car? Speeding down the street.

 

For a moment, she was sure it was some fucking dove, Driving several miles above the speed limit coming to kill both of them. But then she sees the glossy sheen of the limousine’s pink paint.

 

What the _hell?_

 

A giant puddle drenched both her and Yomo. The window lowers and inside is a well dressed foreign man. He greets them both with gritted teeth.

 

“ _Fräulein_ Kirishima? _Herr_ Yomo?”

 

The fuck?

 

The person smirks, lowering their aviators. “Kanae Rosewald,” He had an even shade of hair, and sharp eyes. His voice isn’t exactly what’s expected -- it’s much softer, and has an almost shrill quality to it. “Shuu-sama sent me,” the man replies in a smooth tone. “You are Fräulein Kirishima and Herr Yomo, correct?” He had an odd accent too. Touka had never heard anything like it. Her eyes narrow, wondering if this was some kind of trap. Still, she isn’t sure what Tsukiyama would have even gained from trapping them.

 

But fuck -- it had to be. Who drove around in a bright pink limousine!?

 

“Shittyama told you to pick us up -- in _this_ ?” Touka bites back unkindly. Yomo gives her a disapproving look, but she just glares back. Everyone she loved hadn’t just died for her to be caught by the doves because of something as ridiculous and obnoxious as this. The man in the car, Kanae (though, really -- who gave a fuck about his name) _bristles._ He looks very much like a furious cat, teeth bared in what almost seemed like a hiss. It was a complete change of demeanor, but Touka wasn’t the least bit shaken.

 

“You dare -- insult -- Shuu-sama in such a way?” He has the nerve to even step out his stupid car. He’s taller than her, and Touka is annoyed to have to look up to him. “ _Fällt dir ein!_ Shuu-sama is saving your pathetic, lowly life and you _dare --”_ he takes a step forward, like as though he wants a fight and Touka is all too fine with that. She was itching to tear something apart -- and mouthy ass kissers were fucking good enough. She could pretend that it was a dove. That would be easy.

 

“What are you going to do about it?” Touka snarls. Kanae looks about ready to pounce when Yomo takes a step in between the two of them.

 

He looks unimpressed.

 

Well, fuck him. He could be as disappointed as he wanted to be. He wasn’t her fucking father. “Touka,” he says, his voice is sharp. “There’s no need to this. If you’re upset about the attention -- then drawing more of it isn’t exactly smart is it?”

 

Smart.

 

No. It wasn’t -- but she didn’t want to do the smart thing. She _wanted_ to storm into dove headquarters. She _wanted_ to kill the first thing that she saw. She wanted to take out as many of the fucking doves and the shitty humans who worked with them as she could before she could finally be put down. Then, she wanted to fucking die. At least she’d be with her family, then. Her mother -- her father -- Yoshimura… Kaya and Enji-san. She’d be with all of them. Yomo was the one dragging her around. Making her continue on when she didn’t want to.

 

She bites the inside of her cheek. “ _Fuck --”_  
  
He turns to her, and the look in his eye is enough to even quiet her. It’s pained and he’s looking at her as though he’s seeing someone completely different. She isn’t sure who he’s seeing, but he turns his back to her, looking at Kanae. “I apologize for her,” he says, and she’s tempted to say that she doesn’t need anyone to apologize on her behalf, but can’t find it in herself to speak after that look. “Can we just get moving along, Kanae?” He speaks directly -- to the point that even Kanae seems surprised at the way that he refers to him.

 

His eyes narrow at Touka. “F-Fine -- but you would do well to temper her tongue.”

 

Touka bristles, but Yomo hasn’t moved from in front of her. “I will,” he states. He doesn’t allow her to speak -- just grabs her hand and pushes her inside of the outrageous car as they’re chauffeured away.

 

She fucking hates it.

 

\--

 

“Welcome! Welcome all of you, _mes amis!_ ” Shuu cries the moment that they pull up to a massive manor that seemed completely outrageous to be hold. Was this really how they lived?

 

She drops her backpack on the ground, making sure Shuu really got the flare of her ire. “You sent a fucking pink limousine for us? Are you fucking _crazy_?”

 

Shuu stares, blankly. “Yes? Is something the matter with that? It was pouring out and I thought it would be best to send the car that was the easiest to see.”

 

She was seething, snarling even. Easiest to see?! Give her a fucking break!  
  
“Is this a fucking joke to you?! We just escaped with our lives and this is a fucking joke--”

 

“Touka,” Yomo calls out sharply. “Go.” Her eyes snap over at him, lips pursing on something more to say but the look that Yomo gives her is final. She actually flinches.

 

Turning on her heels, she snatches her backpack up and stomps out into the long hallway. An older woman with black hair, cut into a sharp bob waits for her. She doesn’t look like someone of too many words and Touka’s thankful.

 

“Your room is this way,” She speaks with a silky quality to her voice, almost like she was freezing her temper. It was cold, but not unkind. “I’m Matsumae.”

 

“Touka,” She grunts. It was working, she just needed to relax and get away from this evening. From this day. This _life._ She could forget all about the stupid pink limo and tuck away in some corner where she didn’t need to think about this day.  
  
And then it happens. Matsumae lets her out to the stairwell and she sees him, coming down the spiraling steps, tired but very very alive. His white hair messy and eyes lined with tired bags.

 

He looks caught in headlights the moment he sees her.  
  
“Touka-chan?” He’s frozen at the top of the steps.

 

She says nothing, keeping her pace steady as she tries to run away, anger forgotten.

 

There’s a sense of relief that hits her. He was alive. He hadn’t gone to anteiku like she had imagined that he had. It seemed out of character, but she’s relieved. He was alive. She had thought that he would have certainly gone -- and he would have certainly met his end. Just like she had wanted to. Kaneki was the bleeding heart type. He was self sacrificial -- just as selfish as she was -- and he would’ve done anything to help the people at anteiku who had helped him. Even if it meant that he would die. Especially if he would.

 

That was just the kind of man that he was.

 

She doesn’t think that she’s still angry. This doesn’t feel like anger.

 

It’s more like -- frustration.

 

She doesn’t know what to say to him. Not after months of isolation -- months filled with nothing but broken promises and avoidance. She wants to apologize, but can’t find the words of the desire to. Maybe they hadn’t had meant as much to him? Was that why he hadn’t gone? Or had someone got to stop him, like Yomo had with her? She doesn’t know.

 

She just doesn’t think that she can talk to him yet. No matter how badly she wants to.

 

\--

 

 _That was cruel of you,_ Touka thinks to herself, leaning against door. _And stupid._

 

She had spent days going over their last encounter in her head. She had thought that she would do anything for a chance to make up for the egregious mistake that she had made. She had let her anger control her, as it often did. She had told him not to return to the one place that was meant to always be his home. She had hit him.

 

She had wanted to apologize -- but the raid had left her filled with regrets. She might never get the chance to take back those cruel words.

 

And now -- she had walked right past him even though he was here. Alive.

 

Touka takes several paces towards her bed, before turning onto her heel. She stares at the door.--- and then, the door flies open -- and a blur of brown and white darts across the room before barrelling into her arms. She releases an audible “Oof!” as she falls onto the bed with the smaller girl in her arms. She hadn’t seen the other girl since she had run into her with Nishiki on the street. It had been a shock to see her with Tsukiyama at that time.

 

She had thought that he would be nothing but a horrible influence on the girl, though Touka couldn’t be more grateful now. She was safe. Alive. She was here.

 

“Onee-chan!” The younger girl cries. “I was so worried!” Her words make Touka smile, wrapping her arms around the girl’s smaller shoulders. “I -- I thought --”

 

“Sssh,” she whispers. “I’m fine. You see?”

 

Would Hinami have made it had she not gone off with Kaneki?

 

She had resented it at the time. The moment that Hinami had packed her bags to go off and beg Ken to let her into his group, she had been convinced that she would be sent back. When she wasn’t, the bitterness had only grown. It wasn’t Hinami’s fault, of course. If she hadn’t wanted to stay with her then there wasn’t anything that she could do about that. There was nothing she could’ve done that would have predicted that Ken would’ve let her come along.

 

It wasn’t Hinami’s fault.

 

And yet -- there was an undeniable part of her that had been almost angry at the younger girl. It was foolish to have felt that way. She could feel the girl’s tears on her shirt. She was probably just as worried as she had been. Anteiku had been her home too, hadn’t it? And she had lost it as well. _You’ve lost your home again._ They all had.

 

She brushes Hinami’s hair. “It’s okay,” she soothes. “I’m here.”

 

They were still here.

 

 _There are still things worth protecting,_ Yomo had told her. _All we can do is move forward. We can only live while we lose._

 

Live while we lose. Her shirt grows more wet with Hinami’s tears, and it takes her a moment to recognize her own blurring vision for what it was. “I’m here.”

 

Not Kaya. Not Enji -- or the manager. Her -- and the rest of them.

 

Perhaps that is what Yomo-san had meant.

 

\--

 

Ken is -- confused.

 

He isn’t sure what he was expecting. Maybe another beat down. Maybe for her to yell at him. She’d be angry, of course. Perhaps she would tell him again that she wasn’t welcome in anteiku. But -- the outright silence is… not what he expected. Touka wasn’t the type to ignore anything. She had always been so direct, as though holding back would kill her. It was something that had unnerved him before, but it had become something that refreshing about her. Touka never held back -- until now. He didn’t know what that meant.

 

Was she _that_ angry with him?

 

It seemed as though he kept messing up.

 

He had wanted to protect her. He wanted to protect all of anteiku -- that’s why he had formed his group in the first place. Instead, he had run away when it counted most. Why? He wasn’t even sure why. He had wanted to go and fight, and pay the manager and the rest of the staff back for their kindness, but Touka’s words had affected him. It made him question what he was fighting for -- what he wanted.

 

Would Yoshimura even appreciate his sacrifice? Would Kaya-san and Enji-san? Why did he want to save them? So that they would thank him? So that they would think that he was kind? He grimaces at the thought.

 

_All you want is self-satisfaction. It’s all so stupid!_

 

Touka was right.

 

That was _exactly_ what he had wanted. Perhaps that’s why she was ignoring him now? Because she understood that part of him and despised him for it?

 

He was still alive -- and yet, things still seemed to be falling apart around him. They were uprooted, all of them and they had nothing to show for it besides to kindness of the Tsukiyamas. Perhaps that was the destiny of a ghoul -- to die or to constantly rebuild again and again until every bit of strength, every bit of resilience was stripped bare. Keep moving? How could he? How could he move forward when the only thing facing he and his loved ones were darkness and destruction?

 

_Why was he even alive right now?_

 

\--

 

Ken isn’t sure what leads him to go out later that night. The manor was large and filled with chatter from the staff, and of course Tsukiyama, who constantly came to check on him. Still, it felt stifling. He couldn’t sit still, and his seemed to refuse to quiet. He was assaulted by painful thoughts -- even in Tsukiyama’s presence. Hinami and Banjou also tried to distract him, but it did no good.

 

Especially when he runs into Touka again. She’s walking into what he assumed to be her new room. She spares him a single glance before wordlessly entering. The door closes behind her and she’s gone. For some reason, that stings far more than it should.

 

His fingers twitch, and he rubs his index finger against his thumb, cracking it before repeating the action. Once, twice, and then a third time.

 

_1000 -- 993 -- 986 -- 979…_

 

Those numbers haunted his worst nightmares, and yet he finds himself reaching for them at his most desperate. Strange, and yet they were familiar. This time, his legs twitch -- and he’s walking -- making his way through the manor until he finds the main entrance. A maid bows to him. “Will you be gone long, sir?” She asks, and Ken offers a weak smile before saying that he would just be taking a walk.

 

Though, it’s not long before that walk leads him back to the city.

 

The Tsukiyamas weren’t too far removed. It was just a thirty minute walk back into Tokyo -- and even then it’s not enough to calm his heart. The lights of the city are bright, and the streets are loud and buzzing with people. All of them going about their lives. Above, he can hear the news playing on one of the large monitors. “After the coffee shop, anteiku was discovered to be a ghoul den, the CCG have been making far more inquiries around the city -- keep your eyes open. You never know who could be a ghoul --”

 

Right. To the rest of the world, all of the ghouls were nothing but monsters. He couldn’t blame them. After all, just one year ago, he had always seen ghouls as nothing more than inhuman beasts. In some ways, many ghouls were -- but humans still refused to budge and see them as anything else. It made him feel angry.

 

His heart pounds, blood roaring in his ears.  
  
“Hey!” He hears someone cry from behind him. He turns, blinking as he sees a man, holding a sign. “Happy hour is going on right now! All drinks at half off -- why don’t you come inside, Sir!” Ken blinks as he’s ushered inside, loud music roaring all around him. It’s a club, it seems -- people were moving and dancing all around him. The air was thick and hot, filled with sweat and an even darker, more pungent scent. He blinks before making his way to the bar. “What will you be having?” The bartender asks, and he stares at the menu before saying, “Tequila.” The bartender goes off to make the drink, and Ken only barely notices as a woman slides in beside him.

 

She has dark hair, and she’s short -- with a heart shaped face and pouty, red lips. “Hey, onii-san!” She says, catching his attention. Her dress was low cut, with a plunging neckline. It hugged her figure in a distracting way. “Did you buy that drink for me?” She asks as the bartender returns, grinning as she takes the shot and downs in one gulp. “Thank you! How about another?” She winks at him, and it’s only then that he remembers how to speak.

 

“Another?” Ken asks.  
  
The woman grins, “Yeah! Come on -- you know, you’re supposed to buy pretty girls whatever they ask for!” She says, leaning forward so that her chest was pressed against the counter. It pushes them up, and despite how terrible he had felt, his eyes were drawn to them.

 

Despite his better judgement, he buys her another drink.

 

“You’re a life-saver,” the girl cries, downing this shot too. “And you’re pretty cute! What’s your name, onii-san?”  
  
A woman was -- hitting on him? Well, this was different. Hide had dragged him to clubs like this before his life had gone to shit, and he never got any kind of attention. Hide had gotten some since he was so bold, but Kaneki had usually been nothing but a wallflower. _She probably just wants free drinks,_ Ken thinks, though he found himself not minding the attention. At least, it took his mind off of anteiku -- and Touka.

 

“Kaneki,” he offers.

 

“That’s a nice name, _Ken-nii,”_ she chirps. “You can call me Kana-chan,” she winks at him, and then, slides her hand along his thigh. He tenses, looking down at her hand, and then back at him.

 

“You’re _really_ cute, _onii-san_ ,” her eyes are lowered, voice growing more husky as she leans closer to him. “If you buy me another drink -- how about you come back to my place? It’ll be fun,” she says.

 

He says yes -- he’s not sure why.

 

\--

Kana-san lives in a small but neat apartment. She tosses her glittery heels off into some corner before turning to face him, her pale arms like silvery shadows cross around his neck and she pulls him into a soft kiss that he immediately responds to.

 

_Warmth._

 

It was strange what kind of metaphysical reaction can be coerced from someone if they were spending a good year of their life cornered like an animal. For Ken, this was less of a reaction and more a need. The need for closeness, for a warm body to sink and forget all his fears into. Kana-san was warm, she smells sweet like her perfume and heady like the natural scent of her human flesh.

 

“Y-You’re excited already,” She purrs, rubbing her palm over the rising tent of his jeans. He gasps something unintelligible into her ear, continuing his line of open mouthed kisses back to her jaw.  
  
He picks her up, having had enough of the games. She lets out a soft squeak as he takes her to the direction of her bed and lays her down. The dark room provides for some refuge away from the world. He can stay here and pretend that everything was fine, and not face the consequences that lay in the vestiges of tomorrow. Kana pulls his shirt over his head and passes him another dazzling smile. Her long bangs falling over her eyes.

 

Like this, in the dark obscurity, she almost seems... _familiar_.

 

He stands, kicks off his slacks and joins her in bed.

 

\--

 

The morning lights join them soon after they’ve woken up. He can make out the colors of her bedsheets in the morning, her small hands pumping him before she mounts to ride him again.

 

“Y-You’re something else, Kaneki-san!” She rocks forward, pressing their hips flush as he grips her hips to bring her down on to his aching cock.

 

She was quite talkative, but it wasn’t something he minded when she was taking him so well. He likes especially to see the way her face contorts when he brings her to the very end sooner than anyone else has ever been able to. His chest is littered with scratches and she’s told him so herself.

 

_‘You’re really trying to fuck my hips out of alignment, aren’t you?’_

 

It’s easy to maneuver someone so petite in any way that he likes, especially when he’s able to control the movements from the bottom, allowing her to hit a spot so deep inside of her that he feels her getting closer whilst feeling himself going deeper. This was power.

 

Real control, felt like _this._  
  
“O-Oh god,” She falls right onto him, gasping and moving back onto her back, as he gathered his own breath and his bearings.

 

Her lips are chapped and her words come off breathless with every word as he stands and dresses up. She gets up on her elbow and holds out her phone.

 

“You can’t rock my world like that and expect to get away like that, do you?”

 

He gives her a shy smile, taking the phone from her hand. Despite his rationality warning his better judgment, he still punches in the digits onto her keypad and leaves her with a promise of seeing her soon.

 

\--

 

Touka’s staring out the balcony, eyes ringed with tired lines when she sees him walk back through the gates. Her heart hammers in her chest as she looks him over from a far. He was unharmed, he was okay and he had come back.

 

Her night of restless sleep, the one or two moments of any reprieve was consumed with terrors of never seeing him again and yet here he was.

 

If she weren’t so awkward with it, she would have marched down to the foyer of the manor to ask him just what the hell he was thinking to get away for so long and not even call. But a small red bruise on his neck stops her. Along with the several negatives of the situation they were confounded in.

 

_It’s fine, he seems alright, he probably doesn’t want to talk to you anyways._

 

She doesn’t want to give her inner musings any legitimacy but -- well, she was right. If he wanted to talk to her, he would have done so.

 

Nevertheless, she opens the door, peering out as she sees him walk into his room without a look in her direction. Heart lurching, she closes her door too and returns to her unmade bed, rubbing knuckles over her eyes.

 

That’s fine. He was probably tired. Maybe he’ll come talk to her after he’s had some rest and even if he doesn’t, then that’s fine too. As long as he was doing okay and not charging into clear and present danger like he always was doing.

 

\--

 

It’s strange when sleep comes easy after that. Despite how bright the room was, the Tsukiyama family decor was gaudy and begrudgingly, she admits, _pretty._ The dainty curtains barely keep the sunlight out.

 

She’s curled over several cushion pillows, holding a bronze chain and running her fingers over the engraving on the golden bands.

 

She was tired, the estates were still quiet. He was back and probably asleep too now. Winning another fight against the demons he was always battling.

 

She was glad. Truly glad.

 

_What are you thinking, Kaneki? Where is it that you go when you get quiet?_

 

It was easy to think things like this in the solitude of the morning. When no one was around and no one cared enough to drop in on her. It was lonely -- but also quite peaceful. Her body feels tired and her mind was tired. Eyelids drooping, as she thinks about everyone, Anteiku, Yoriko, her brother, her parents, her life and where it was headed and if there was ever going to be a chance that she’ll find the tranquility she’s been wanting since that day her father never came back home.

 

Maybe she’ll find the answers some day.

 

And with that, sleep.

 

\--

 

Touka thinks about Kaneki far more than she should.

 

He often occupied her mind -- and he had for the last year, annoyingly enough. He was trouble from the moment that he had first crashed into her life. No, not crashed -- he was more like a fucking bulldozer. He had been insignificant at first, barely noticeable as he had sat and fidgeted in anteiku. Then, he had become an irritation -- one that she had to look after. He could get killed, after all, as faint hearted as he was. How had he even managed to survive as long as he had? It was a mystery to her -- and as frustrating as he was, she couldn’t just allow him to die.

 

The change in her feelings had been gradual. She could pinpoint the moment that the shift began to happen. It was because he was too fucking _nice_ \-- taking interest in her wellbeing and her life even when he didn’t have to. It didn’t make sense that a human who had once called her a monster would even care if she lived or died, and yet he had. He had even pushed himself to get stronger. It was… admirable.

 

He occupied her thoughts even more after they had separated, somehow far more than he had before when he had been close by. It was almost maddening -- especially now, when he was near and yet he seemed further than ever before. Since she had first seen him return a week ago, he had gone out each and every night, only returning in the morning, where he would stay in his room until he left again.

 

He was distant -- and she felt as though there was nothing that she could do to close that gap between them. She didn’t know how to.

 

_I’m sorry._

 

_I didn’t mean what I said._

 

_You’re always welcome at anteiku, even if it’s nothing but rubble now._

 

If she were better with words -- and better at feelings, she would knock on his door and tell him exactly that. It’s a shame that she’s shitty at both of those things, and all she can do is avoid him, keeping her eyes pointed at the floor whenever he’s near, retreating quickly to her room. It’s so fucking silly, and yet she just _can’t._ How was she supposed to help him? What was she supposed to do when all she wanted was to be ash among the rubble, just like the family who had died there?

 

_I’m a hypocrite._

 

She had beaten him -- said cruel things out of spite, and she was yearning for the same thing that he had. She would’ve gotten her wish too, if not for Yomo. She was just as much of a murderer as the manager was, as Kaya-san and Enji-san were. For all they had done, they at least deserved for her to _try._

 

But she hadn’t tried. She hadn’t done a damn thing. All she had done was cry and scream while Yomo-san dragged her away.

 

Pathetic.

 

Touka wonders what he was doing -- though, walking past him one morning as he returns from one of his “nightly walks” gives her an answer.

 

He smelled like a human female.

 

It was a familiar scent. She had smelled it often when she and Ayato had lived on the streets. Humans who were too engrossed in each other’s bodies were usually the easiest to hunt, after all. Distracted. They wouldn’t even notice her until she struck -- but the smell of sex that lingered over their bodies was distinctive and pungent enough it couldn’t be missed. Human women usually smelled sweeter than man -- their arousal was almost aromatic in it’s fragrance -- saccharine and heady.

 

And just like that, she _knows._

 

Her chest tightens -- hands balling into tightly clenched fists as she stops in the middle of the hall. She can hear his footsteps as he walks back into his bedroom without a word, and she’s tempted to follow him, pound on his door and demand what the hell he was doing. She almost does -- turning on her heel before she stops herself.

 

_It’s not your business, idiot._

 

She had no claim to Kaneki. They weren’t -- like that. They were barely even friends, even if she did have some kind of nonsensical fixation on him. Why did it matter if he went out and fucked some human? It had nothing to do with her -- and it was more than clear that he didn’t care, nor did he view her like that. Those thoughts, don’t help, however -- they make the sting even worse until she’s flying to one of the living areas, where she knew that stupid Nishiki was.

 

He’s lounging on one of the plush couches, drinking one of his shitty and terrible tasting coffees. He raises an eyebrow when she stands over him, eyes narrowed, red and puffy.

 

“Get up,” Touka says, “We’re going to spar.”

 

“Eh?”

 

“I said we’re sparring. I’m getting out of shape,” she folds her arms, before wiping her stinging eyes. “I can’t let myself get all flabby.”

 

Luckily, Nishiki doesn’t ask questions. He stares, before sighing and rubbing the back of his neck. “You’re a goddamn slave driver,” he complains. “Some of us are trying to rest, bitchy Touka,” he stands up despite his complaints, though, to her great relief.

 

“You’ll be thanking me later,” she shoots back.

 

If there was one thing that she was grateful for -- it was that Nishiki never asked too many questions.

 

\--

 

It’s not much of a stretch to say that she was using this as a way to vent her anger. Nishiki stands on the other side of the training room, stretching himself out.

 

Touka does the same before she launches herself on him. Real battle was much the same, there were no warnings and definitely no second chances.

 

When the time comes, she wants to be prepared to defend herself.

 

Of course right now, there was no real threat. It was just stupidly tall Nishiki looking really pissed off at her for launching in without any warnings. And disrupting the nap he was taking after a dip in the Tsukiyama’s jacuzzi.

 

“You won’t get an actual chance to rest up, you shitty asshole! Come on! Attack me!”

 

_Fucking bitch!_

 

With that goes the lasts of his restraints. It was just shitty Touka and god knew she sucked at talking about her own feelings as much as the white haired guy. The least Nishiki could do is probably let her blow off some steam and maybe trip her when she wins.

 

—

 

It’s actually more satisfying to see her smug ass freeze in panic when he trips her after she’s beaten him into the ground. He hopes it’s as satisfying as she felt beating his ass.

 

—

 

Touka freshens up and heads back to her room in a thin cotton shirt and some plain shorts. Tsukiyama’s Dad had insisted on some basic clothing for all of them given that most had just about made it out of the Ward 20 blockade by the skin of their teeth.

 

It’s a cold stinging feeling when it dawns on her that it’s been almost a whole week since it had happened. While the rest of them had gotten the chance to move on and _live,_ the others never will.

 

Blankly, she stares at the etched carvings on the wall, bordering the room. They were shaped like the moon.

 

Hanging her towel in the back of her chair, she wrings her hands through the damp locks, looking all over the place for her comb. It was easier to get the knots out now before she fell asleep with it and had to wrestle with dried, tangly hair later.

 

She had left it on her bed just this morning! Maybe that idiot Kanae took it. He’s been moving her stuff just to get on her nerves. Throwing her door open, she’s stunned to shock seeing Kaneki stand there, holding her plain white comb in his hands.

 

His hair was damp too.

 

“Uh,” he looks sheepish. “It was in the hall bathroom.”

 

He must’ve just taken a shower -- at least like this, the smell of that human woman wasn’t so thick on him. That kind of scent _clung_ to the skin for days, even after bathing, but she could at least ignore it like this. It had been days since she had last spoken to him on the top of that bridge, and now she finds her words caught in her throat as she stares at him dumbly. He’s still holding the comb before he smiles, in that sad way of his.

 

She hates it.

 

“Here you go,” he says, pushing it into her hands. The slight contact has her flinching in surprise as she takes it from him before watching him turn on his heel and walk away. It looks like she had missed her chance -- again. He’s already gone and walked back into his room by the time that she finally manages to speak.

 

Her voice is small and quiet, though there was no one there to hear it, anyway.

 

“Thank you.”

 

\--

 

So -- she still wasn’t speaking to him.

 

When he had seen her comb, he knew that it was hers because the two of them were the only ones who lived on this floor of the manor. The others had been placed on different floors or in the basement area. It also smelled strongly of the shampoo that she often used -- strawberries. Or at least how he remembered them smelling. _I could just leave it here_ , he had thought, before deciding to take it to her.

 

He had hoped it would be some sort of an olive branch -- something that could soften her, but that hadn’t seemed to work, either. Perhaps he really had ruined their friendship, then? The thought leaves him feeling even more disappointed. He really couldn’t stop making mistakes, could he?

 

When he returns to his room, he sees the cell phone that Tsukiyama had given to him vibrating. He picks it up, knowing exactly why it was.

 

 _Want to come over tonight,_ reads the text message.

 

Kana.

 

He smiles, sitting down on his bed as he begins to type a message to her as he uses the towel to dry his hair. She was a far more different woman than he was used to dealing with. Playful, but also daring. She did whatever she wanted to, and wanted nothing in return from him other for him to warm her bed. It was nice to not have expectations placed upon him. He could take as he liked from her without guilt -- or worry about chipping away pieces of himself. It was freeing.

 

He’s about to send the message when he hears a knock at the door. He stops, putting the phone face down on his bed before he goes to answer the door -- though he hears, “It’s me,” spoken in Touka’s dry voice before he can even answer.

 

Ken hesitates, surprised -- and then he is all too eager to fling the door open. She’s standing there, eyes downcast and holding two cups of hot coffee in her hands.

 

“I made too much,” She says, before shoving it into his hands. She’s about to turn on her heel to leave when he stops her. “Thanks,” he says quickly. “Do you want to come in for a bit? We can drink it together?”

 

His words leave him in a rush.

 

Perhaps his olive branch had worked?

 

Her eyes widen, fingers clenching closer around her cup as if she were internally fighting for the choice.

 

“Okay,” he can’t help the relieved smile that blooms across his lips. It looks...real and not at all like the polite ones he was used to giving everyone.

 

She walks into his room, looking around at the dark walls and light colored curtains. The desk already had a couple of novels, probably already turned from cover to cover. His bed was made up, a duvet at the foot of it and two pillows at the head. Aside from that, the room was bare.

 

She takes a seat on the chair, careful to place her cup in a place away from his books.

 

Ken closes the message app on his phone and takes a sip from the coffee she’s made him. _Warm and flavorful._ Just like the managers had been.

 

It still saddened him to think of Anteiku. To think of the choices he had made and whether there were better ones he could have made. But, it was too late for any of that.

 

Dwelling on it, would just drive him crazy.

 

“How are you?” He wasn’t one to be chatty, was he? Maybe he was feeling nervous.

 

Her frown pronounces. Why was he nervous around her? They’ve known each other long enough.

 

“Are you adjusting well? I know Tsukiyama-San can be a little gaudy at times but he means well,” he scratches the back of his head. “Well at least most of the time.”

 

Touka stares at one of his book covers, lifting her hand to peruse through the pages. It was easier than talking, than breathing. It grounds her to reality and this very moment.

 

Perhaps, she should also think less seriously about this. If Kaneki was trying to reach out then maybe, she should also try to apologize for the incident at the bridge?

 

“It’s okay,” she mumbles. The Tsukiyama’s manor was huge, the floor they lived on was mostly vacant and the house itself felt generally lonely. “What about you?” She asks, playing with the tips of her pigtails.

 

“I’m adjusting,” he answers, surprising both himself and her with the honesty. “I - I hope that it will get easier.”

 

Then after, she pauses, trying to discern what it was between them in this silence. A well posed question. She doesn’t want to blame anyone, because she knows there is no one to blame here, not even herself but she felt so unbearably sad that there was no other way to rationalize the situation.

 

Life was short.

 

The lives of ghouls _were even shorter_.

 

It does her no good to hold onto grudges, to keep an ego in place when even this can be taken away in the blink of an eye.

 

What was it that Yomo-San had told her? _We have to live with our losses?_

 

She doesn’t want to lose anything ever again but it was an inevitable part of who she was. Of the life she lead and would lead.

 

“About the bridge…”

 

Kaneki tenses.

 

“I know that I’m bad at this,” she sighs, glaring with her brows furrowed at the floor. “But I-I’m —“, she was fumbling with her words again. She had to apologize, had to make amends because she was tired of these dumb misunderstandings.

 

“I’m sorry. For hitting you. For yelling at you. For telling you to not come back to Anteiku.”

 

The pressure was taking its toll in her throat. She doesn’t want him to see her cry. But it would be a risk she’ll have to take. After all, having him see her cry is nothing compared to never seeing him again. He’s staring at her now, though his expression was difficult for her to read. It makes her even more nervous, like he’s going to reject her apology at any moment, even though that would be an incredibly un-Kaneki like thing to do.

 

“Fuck, can you say something already?” She blurts out. “I know that I shouldn’t have said those things. You just -- pissed me off. I was angry -- for months. You never even came to visit, even when you said that you would -- and then when I saw you…. It all just burst out.” Her eyes are stinging, and she swipes at them, annoyed by her own emotions.

 

She doesn’t expect him to smile.

 

Touka exhales, releasing a breath that she hadn’t even realized she had been holding.

 

“I’m -- glad,” Ken admits. “I thought that you wouldn’t forgive me for what I had done. And you don’t need to apologize for the bridge. I -- realized that I had been in the wrong after that--”

 

“I still shouldn’t have hit you,” She insists, cutting him off. “You’re still a dumbass for running off like that -- especially for taking Hinami with you -- but my behavior was shitty too. No matter what you do… Anteiku would have always been a place for you to return to. That’s what it was for,” it feels sort of like she’s rambling, like her heart has leapt into her throat. She stares down at her lap.

 

“T-That’s still the case -- even though it’s g-gone now,” her voice trembles, and when she looks back at him his smile has disappeared. His eyes seem pained now. He swallows, Adam’s apple bobbing before he averts his gaze up to the ceiling, as though to hide them from her. He did that a lot -- hiding. Perhaps that was the reason that he had gone off to start that group of his. He didn’t want to face himself. It was difficult to blame him now, though. She didn’t want to face herself, either.

 

It hurt too fucking much.

 

He walks towards her, then -- sitting beside her on the bed. His back hunches as he rests his forearms across his thighs, leaning into them. His bangs covers his eyes like this -- but she doesn’t need to see them to know what they must look like. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t save them,” he says so softly that she almost doesn’t catch it. “Just like with Ryouko-san -- I didn’t do anything because… I felt like I **couldn’t** do anything. **”**

 

Ryouko-san.

 

Touka’s eyes soften. It had been sometime since she had heard the older woman’s name. So -- he felt the same way that she did.

 

“Stupid,” she murmurs. “Shut up and drink your coffee. Didn’t I tell you that we don’t need to be saved by you?” She looks at him out of the corner of her eye, and is relieved when his lips twitch into a slight smile. He glances at her, eyes ringed with red.

 

“I guess that you did.”

 

“I did -- so stop feeling sorry for yourself about it,” she says, this time, lightly shoving his shoulder. It’s good advice, though she hasn’t even come close to taking herself. Pathetic -- but if she could make this bleeding heart fool feel better about himself, then she would try. She wondered what Ayato would say if he saw her. _You’ve gone soft._

 

_Did you forget? This world will eat you alive. All you can do is keep moving forward._

 

Yeah, it would probably be something like that. The little shit. Her shoulders throb just thinking about him.

 

Ken takes another sip of his coffee. “It’s really good. I’m sure the manager would’ve loved it too.”

 

She laughs, though it sounds bitter. “Yeah?”

 

“Yeah. Really.”

 

\--

 

She isn’t sure how long she sits in his room, quietly basking in his company. It had been so long since they had had even a single quiet moment together, that she feels greedy and unwilling to move. However, a glance at the clock makes her realize how late it was. _12 am._

 

“I should go to bed,” she announces, standing up.

 

He seems startled, as though he hadn’t expected her to go. And then -- disappointed. “Oh? That’s right -- it is pretty late, isn’t it?”

 

She nods, picking up her empty mug and taking his along too. “Yeah, I should be going to bed.” She stands at his doorway. “You should too. Take care.”  
  
And with that, she leaves. Leaving him to stare at the next two messages Kana had sent.

 

_So that’s a no?_

_Hello?_

 

It feels light inside, like a large weight has been lifted, but still amongst it, lingers some kind of longing that his empty room couldn’t settle. A sense of loneliness that he needed to find other ways of dealing with.

 

_Sorry, I just had a friend over. Is the invitation still open?_

 

Kana answers positively and he gets ready, slipping his phone into his pocket and heading down the hall. He slows at Touka’s door, from where he listens to soft music coming through. He smiles to himself, feeling just as alleviated as he had felt earlier that evening.  
  
\--

 

It’s a half an hours walk to the main city and then a short five minutes to Kana’s apartment. She greets him dressed in a pair of silk shorts and an attractive bralette that left very little to the imagination.  
  
“You left me waiting, Kaneki-san!” She pouted. He offers her an apologetic smile and things proceed from there as they usually would. It’s a nice sense of relief, the time they spend together tires him out sufficiently. Even though he could probably get back, he decides not to, instead spend the night watching the lights and shadows bounce off of the walls.

 

Morning comes, he’s gotten just enough sleep to not feel like a zombie. But his mood was refreshed. He bids Kana a goodbye and heads back to the manor. As he’s walking up the steps, he finds Touka heading back into her room sleepily.

 

She looked tired. Her sense of smell catches her off guard and she looks over at Kaneki with squinting eyes.

 

So that’s where he had went off to. No matter, it wasn’t like it was any of her business. They’ve patched up things now, maybe they can have some semblance of a normal friendship. Even if it did hurt her a lot.

 

“Going back to bed?” He asks.

 

She grunts something or another and shuts the door behind her, gently  climbing under the blankets.

 

Rational thought could wait a few more hours.

 

\--

 

Kaneki stands outside of her door at noon, holding a cup of coffee he had asked Matsumae-san to make. Though he had planned the scene in his head many times already, he still felt nervous. He doesn’t want to bother Touka but sleeping in so late couldn’t be too good for her either.

 

Come to think of it, she had looked very pale in the morning too. Was she getting sick? Could ghouls even get sick?

 

He has to know.

 

“Touka-chan?”

 

No response.

 

A little more tense, he knocks again. “I’m coming in, okay?” Once again, there was no response. Nervously, he flung open the door, only to find her bed empty and made up already. The fan was on, as if to make it sound like she was sleeping. He walks in a little further, looking around until he spots her outside on the balcony, sitting cross-legged next to some potted plants and smoking a cigarette.

 

Her tired eyes look up and into his.

 

“What is it?” She asks dryly. She wasn’t mad that he had come into her room without her permission.

 

“Uh,” Ken holds up the mug of coffee. “Matsumae-san made some coffee, I thought that you’d like some.”  
  
She holds her hand out to take the mug, muttering a soft ‘thanks’ afterwards.

 

Looking around the balcony, he spots a table and chair on the other corner. Her phone was on the table and one of her baggy sweaters on the reclining seat. There was even a pillow there, all messed up.

 

“Did you sleep here last night?” She must have seen him leave then. He wondered if she would ask, he was getting nervous again.

 

“I couldn’t sleep on the bed and I wanted to smoke, so I thought this would be easier.” She doesn’t bring up seeing him leave or the fact that he smelled like a human woman. She didn’t ask anything at all.

 

“Oh.” He fidgets with his hands, stealing glances at Touka taking slow sips from her coffee and savoring her cigarette. So she did smoke, he hadn’t thought she had the habit since he’s never seen her indulge it during their time at Anteiku.

 

“You need anything from me?” She asks, tone coming off less harsh and more awkward.

 

“Ah, no.” _Think of something_ , he thinks to himself. “Actually… Do you have any more cigarettes?”

 

She gives him an almost owlish look before snorting loudly. Lightly, she taps her finger on her cigarette, flicking the ash into the ashtray. “Well this is a surprise,” she says, blinking. “You smoke?” It didn’t fit her image of him at all. Was it another habit that he had picked up while he was away from her? Another way that he had changed again?

 

“I -- actually always did,” he admits. “Not often -- Hide and I tried it when I was about 16? I kind of just kept doing it whenever the urge struck.”

 

Ah, right. Hide.

 

It was the first time that he had thought of the other man since first time since he had came here. _He must be angry,_ he thinks to himself. Perhaps he also felt like Touka had? As though he were making decisions for him -- all while trying to keep him safe and uninvolved. He really was selfish, wasn’t he?

 

It’s a relief when Touka grabs the nearby pack of cigarettes. She throws it to him, right where he is leaning on the balcony, and he catches it easily. His reflexes had gotten much better. Touka is sure that he would’ve missed it had this been six months ago. With him standing right in front of him, it’s easier to get a better look at him. He had grown taller -- and gotten broader as well. It seemed that he had taken her advice. The difference was even noticeable from over the clothes that he wore. She can’t help but admit him as he takes out one of the cigarettes, pressing it in between his lips.

 

They looked soft.

 

She flushes. There she went again -- paying attention to things about him that she shouldn’t. It was clear that he wasn’t interested in her in that way, anyway. The scent of the human woman was still thick on him. That was what he wanted. Not some monster. Isn’t that what he called her before? While the nature of their relationship had changed, it was clear that the way that he saw her at that time, _hadn’t._

 

“Thanks,” he says, catching the lighter that she throws to him as well. He lights it, before taking a deep drag and exhaling.

 

She’s struck.

 

He looks -- almost like an image out of a book -- standing there, leaning against the railing of the balcony as the sunlight bathes him in a soft looking glow. Smoke billows away from him, and he seems to relax, sighing deeply. “Y-You’re welcome,” she stutters, looking away before she could stare for too long and embarrass herself. “You don’t really seem like the smoking type.”

 

“It helps calm me down sometimes. Aren’t you doing it too?”

 

“It fits my punk rock image,” she says dryly.

 

Though, really -- she had only just started doing it. It seemed like something to do -- destructive, but within her control. Unlike anything else in her life. She couldn’t hold onto what she cared about. Not her brother, not anteiku, and certainly not Kaneki. Why not smoke until her lungs turned black and gritty?

 

Ken laughs again, and she tries hard not to stare. She really did like the way that he looked when he seemed happy. “I guess that’s right.”

 

She looks away and nibs out her cigarette. Well it doesn’t matter, right? She hopes she can do a little to see him laugh a few times. For now, maybe all she can do is be a good friend to him, that might make him happy?

 

“So you finished reading your books a million times?” She asks, putting the cup aside. He looks puzzled before a smile pulls on his lips again, much more sheepish in nature.

 

He _had_ read the novels Tsukiyama-San had given him, cover to cover, all hundreds of pages. While he couldn’t get enough of the artistic prose, there was only so many times a person can read the same story without getting bored.

 

“Yeah…” he admits.

 

She can’t help but snort.

 

“Then why don’t you ask Shittyama for new books?” She knew there had to be a reason he sought her out.

 

It couldn’t be because for her sunny personality.

 

“I could,” he mused. “But I just wanted to be alone too.”

 

His head was hurting from all the reading and there wasn’t much else to do in the manor besides sitting around. He could always visit Kana but even that has its limits.

 

Touka gets up on her feet. “Well, wanna take a walk then?” She has some loose change in her bag, something she could string together for her comics. It was getting kind of boring around here with nothing else to do.

 

He taps the end of his cigarette in the tray. “You want to?” Touka had become much more reclusive since coming here. Yomo had shared his concerns with Ken and it was partly a reason he was reaching out to her today.

 

“Yeah, maybe some change of scenery will be nice.” She gives him a sly smile. “You should get some money out of Shittyama for new books then you won’t have to read the same boring books over and over again. You can read a new boring book.”

 

He gives her a dry look. “If you would only try reading one of the novels, you’d see why—“

 

“Yeah, yeah, take your nerdy ass somewhere else. I’m gonna get ready.”

 

She kicks him out of her room swiftly, and slumped against the door. It would get easier, she just has to give it time. It was just some silly crush. Maybe being in his company would turn her away. Especially when he won’t give her half the attention he might give a girl who he had interest in.

 

She looked through her bags for something nice to wear and ended up choosing a pair of shorts and a simple t shirt. The point was to forget about it. Not put attention into herself.

 

She wasn’t any good at that.

 

_No matter how much of your outside you change, you’re still a monster._

 

She grit her teeth. Yeah, so what?

 

She could like someone too, it’s not like she’s asking for that attention back. Though it would be nice.

 

Instead of worrying about this, she should probably go and get the damn comics.

 

But. not before tying her hair in a pair of pigtails.

 

—

 

They had agreed to meet in front of the manor -- and she almost, almost makes it there without running into Kanae.

 

The man had been a constant source of frustration from the moment that she had first arrived at the manor. He seemed to have an issue with her ever since pulling up in that damn, obnoxious pink limousine, and he always had some sort of a comment. This time, it’s about her choice in clothing. “Frauline Kirishima,” he greets, though his voice had that same smug air to it that it always did. He’s in the middle of dusting a table in one of the long, winding hallways. To this day, Touka had no idea what the hell he did around here. Was he an assistant? A maid? A part of the staff? She had no idea. She had asked him before, and he had proudly declared that he was Tsukiyama’s personal man-servant.

 

Which sounded kinky, which she had told him. For some reason, that made the man hate her even more, even after she had claimed that she never judged people over the weird shit that got them off. That hadn’t helped.

 

Touka has to suppress an audible groan from being addressed. Couldn’t they just ignore each other like normal enemies?

 

“It’s good to see you,” he says, with an air of false politeness. It sounded as though it were painful of him just to speak to her. Touka wondered why he even bothered. “Guten tag,” he says.

 

“I don’t know what that means,” Touka responds dryly as she tries to walk past him. It’s then that Kanae makes a face, looking for over as though she were a piece of dirt. She glares back just as fiercely. Kanae mutters something to himself, in that same, harsh language that she didn’t understand before he gives a cat like, cutting smile. “Are you going out?” He asks calmly.

 

“What does it look like?”

 

“I’m sorry -- I just couldn’t tell,” he says, feigning ignorance. “You’re going out in _that?”_

 

God, she should just ignore him, but she bites. “Is there something wrong with what I’m wearing?”

 

“It’s just -- not much, is it?”

 

God, was this really happening? Was she really about to be lectured about her clothing from the man wearing the bright red suit?! “It’s what I wear out to ensnare all of the men around with me. With my legs,” is her serious response. Kanae gasps, turning bright red, before staring down at her bare thighs and legs as though he had just figured out something that had been plaguing him for some time.

 

 _“Hexe,”_ he gasps. “That must be the reason for Tsukiyama-sama’s interest in you!”

 

“Right,” Touka says, unable to help herself. “Though, I think he’s more interested in Kaneki’s legs than mine.” This leaves Kanae turning even more red, gasping in shock and fury, while Touka walks past him, far too amused for her own good. Kaneki is waiting outside for her, dressed in a pale button down shirt and a dark pair of pants, clearly unaware of the trouble that she had just caused for him. He smiles when he sees her, and then blinks when the sound of Kanae’s shriek seems to shake the entire manor. “Ready to go?” Touka asks cheerfully.

 

Really, sometimes simple things could cheer her up -- it could even make her ignore the smell of that woman still clinging to Kaneki’s skin.

 

\--

 

The walk is nice, with the sky so clear and blue, the wind just enough to keep things cool. She doesn’t mind the silence around them as they trudge through the few shops in the area before taking a short bus ride.

 

“Your hair’s gotten long,” he smiles, looking the dark locks over with admiration. Subconsciously, her hands reach up, tugging at the ends of her pigtails.

 

“Y-Yeah, I’ll probably cut it soon.” Though she’s sure if she attempted it herself, it would be a disaster. And — she likes it, long, that is. She’s trying to learn how to braid it but it’s proving to be difficult.

 

“It looks really nice, you should let it grow,” he chuckles nervously, “that is if that’s what you want!”

 

“Yeah, maybe. I just like putting it up now, if it gets too annoying.”

 

They reach their destination a few minutes later, walking to the bookstore Kaneki had found in his excursions away from the manor.

 

“You Just know all the bookstores around here, huh?” She asks dryly, making him chuckle, before tugging her along.

 

Blankly, she stares at his grip on her wrist.

 

This probably didn’t mean much to him either but her heart was hammering in her chest. It was loud enough to make her a little subconscious. Once they get in, she quickly snatched her hand back, trying to scurry to the manga section and distract herself.

 

She had just enough for a monthly magazine. She would take her time with it and maybe it’ll be easy to string some more money along later to get another copy.

 

She returns to Kaneki’s classic novel aisle, holding a copy of _Margaret_ monthly, smiling slightly as he decided between two books.

 

“All set?” She asks, looking amused. He looks over at her, puzzled as if he were in deep thought before he takes a look at the copy in her hand.

 

He puts on a disappointed look.

 

“You’re going to read _that?”_

 

She had known him for nearly a year at this point, and it still always managed to catch her off guard when he managed to say something snarky to her. He has a look of total distaste on his face as he looks at the manga magazine that she was holding in her hand. It was a bright and pink flowery looking magazine -- which clearly showed what kind of material was expected to be inside. Not that she cared. She had always had a soft spot for sappy, romantic comics. Comics that displayed the kinds of romances that she knew that she would never find for herself.

 

“Yeah?” She says, raising an eyebrow. “Is that a problem?”  
  
He wrinkled his nose. “It’s just -- manga is so unrefined,” he states, entirely seriously, in a way that has her snorting in amusement. “Oh god,” she says, shaking her head, “You really _are_ the type of nerd to get all uppity about manga. Let me guess, you’re going to say that this isn’t a real book?”

 

Ken has the gall to look offended, “Well, it’s not.”

 

This time, she can’t hold back a grin. “I don’t know,” she says thoughtfully, flipping through the pages. “All of these words in here makes me feel like it’s something that I need to read -- making it a book,” her voice has a sardonic quality to it and she restrains a giggle when he shakes his head, as though she were continuing to disappoint him. He was such an insufferable nerd. Was this really the man who plagued her thoughts? Who made her heart race, just like one of the girls in these silly comics?

 

“There’s no substance to them,” Ken complains, before showing her the book in his hand, titled _Watership Down._ Her interest is mildly piqued by the rabbits on the cover of the book, but something told her that if this was something that he liked, it would probably be morbid and depressing. The last thing that she wanted was to read something sad about bunnies. “You would probably enjoy this,” he says. “It has rabbits.”

 

She flushes, “Just because something has rabbits doesn’t mean that I’ll like it, idiot,” she says. She takes the book from it, flipping through it briefly and frowning as she sees nothing but pages upon pages of finely printed words. She closes the book abruptly before shoving it back into his hands. “See? Not into it.”

 

“You should at least give it a try,” he presses, making her roll her eyes before giving the look another glance. She smirks as an idea strikes her.

 

“Fine,” she says, “On one condition.”

 

Clearly, he hadn’t expect that. “Condition?”

 

“Yep -- I’ll read the stupid depressing rabbit book -- if you pick out a manga to read,” she says with a grin. The opportunity seemed too fun for her to pass up, especially after seeing how stricken he looked. He grimaces, “F-Fine,” he says, before disappearing into the aisles. He returns after a few moments, this time with emerging with a manga that she wasn’t familiar with. She squints to read the title and sees that it’s called _Berserk._ Just from the title she could tell that it was probably something depressing and pretentious.

 

“You really are like a predictable cartoon character,” she deadpans.

 

“H-Hey!”

 

\--

 

They leave the bookshop not much later, bags in hand when Touka realizes that they should probably be getting back -- though she doesn’t want to. This was the most time that she had spent with him in sometime and she was loathe to give it up so soon. She feels -- like just being in his presence was revitalizing to her, and she was hungry for that feeling. “There’s a park nearby,” Ken suggests, much to her relief. “Do you mind if we walk through for a bit?”

 

It seemed that he didn’t want to go back so soon, either.

 

Touka nods, following him, trailing behind him.

 

He must’ve spent a lot of time around this area to have grown so familiar with it. Then again, he was out frequently. Did he take that human woman that he kept going to see out here, too? The thought of that sours her as she imagines it. Ken walking hand in hand through this same park with some woman. She was probably pretty -- like Rize. She probably even liked the same stupid books that he reads, just like Rize. It must’ve been some woman for him to continue to go out every night to see her -- to fuck her.

 

Nothing like her.

 

 _You’re a ghoul,_ she thinks to herself. _He doesn’t want you like that. He didn’t stay back then, either, did he?_

 

It hasn’t even been ten minutes when she says, “I think I’m going to head back now,” her mood was ruined. He seems surprised. “So soon?”

 

“Yeah -- we’re trying to be discrete anyway, right?” Touka asks, “Who knows where those fucking doves are. They have your face, too -- and since they --,” her throat tightens as she says those next words, “--raided anteiku -- they might have mine, too.”

 

It’s difficult to read his expression, then. It seems solemn, but he makes no move to follow her when she turns to leave. “Are you staying?” She asks, not looking at him.

 

“I -- think I’m going to head back into the city,” he says quietly, “If you don’t mind.”

 

She minded a lot.

 

 _To see that woman?_ Touka wonders to herself. It was probably better not to ask. Would he even tell her the truth? Then again, it wasn’t her business who he chose to fuck. “Got it,” she mutters. “Just don’t do anything to catch any attention,” and then -- she can’t stop herself from biting out. “If you get caught, then everything they died for would be for nothing, wouldn’t it?”

 

He’s quiet -- and even though she’s not looking at him, she can _feel_ how rigid he’s gone. The air is thick with it, with things that are left unsaid -- and she’s eager to leave before he can say anything at all.

 

She really was the worst.

 

\--

 

For some reason, going to Kana that night was not nearly as fulfilling as it usually was. Even after he’s come, that hollow feeling that had somewhat dissipated when he was with her remained, as well as Touka’s words. _“If you get caught, then everything they died for would be for nothing.”_ He didn’t want to think about that, though. In fact, he didn’t want to think about anything, but his brain just wouldn’t turn the fuck _off._

 

“Kaneki-san?” Kana asks, voice thick with arousal when he stops thrusting for a moment. “Are you okay --?” She gasps when he turns her around, onto her stomach this time, thrusting inside of her from behind. It was better when he didn’t have to look at her -- when he could only see the arch of her back, and the dark, black hair that spilled over her shoulders when he sank, balls deep inside of her.

 

It was almost like she was someone else -- though he imagined her back would have a scar there, right at the shoulder blades from where Ayato-kun had bitten her. She probably wouldn’t squeal in such a high pitched way, either. Touka’s voice was more husky, after all, but it’s easier to imagine like this --

 

Kana shudders as he moves. “Y-You’re still hard?” She whines, whimpering as he fucks her.

 

Actually, it was better when she didn’t speak, _either._

 

_\--_

 

He leaves immediately after receiving what he wanted. Such was the course of life and he wasn’t feeling much of laying in a stranger's bed.

 

Not when it didn’t bring him the relief it did at first. Kana doesn’t mind however, she was really great in that regard, only telling him to lock up when he leaves.

 

So he wanders the streets alone, stopping at a bar to drink _anything_ at all and getting his mind off of things. But it seemed to him that Touka’s words resonated in his head, bouncing and rattling around his skull.

 

 _She wasn’t serious then,_ he thinks. _Why would she bring it up when she knew it would hurt them both?_

 

He was not mad at her, he simply did not understand her. But he so desperately wanted to.

 

Another woman, older and pretty offers to buy him a drink but he politely declines, exiting the bar to take a walk back to the bookstore they were at a couple of hours ago. They were only starting the processes of closing so he lets himself walk in, take a chance to roam the manga section again. He stops before the monthly magazines, picking up the very one Touka has been interested in purchasing.

 

_What had happened? They were off to a good start, weren’t they? Did she not like spending time with him?_

 

He couldn’t blame her if that was the case.

 

But he had wanted to walk through that park with her, wanted to show her the pond lining the edge of trees, the wild rabbits that roamed amongst the foliage.

 

He wanted to show her the coffee emporium across from it. Surely, she would have liked it? There was just so much that he wanted to do and get he couldn’t keep a single one of his promises or intentions.

 

_Maybe there’s just something wrong with me…_

 

He picks up _Margaret Monthly_ and goes through the first story, finding it strangely sweet and contrived. Childish, but Touka-Chan likes reading this?

 

_“The characters in these stories are kind of like real people when I read about them.”_

 

He never pegged her to be the type to like things from the shoujo genre but here she was again, surprising him.

 

The front cashier makes the announcement for shoppers to come and check out within the next ten minutes because they were going to be closing. Ken looks down at the glossy covers, with pink flowers and words written in a cute style.

 

Maybe...this can serve as an apology then?

 

—

 

He decides on walking back to the manor, carrying the bags of his purchases in his hand. The entire time thinking of ways to approach her and only psyching himself out from the nerves.

 

If she wanted to speak to him, she would, right? That’s just how its always been between the two of them. Touka, the more vocal and fearless, Touka who tells it like it is, who loves and cares about her friends fiercely.

 

And he was just…. Kaneki. Kaneki, who makes fractured decisions for himself and others around him, exacerbating already bad situations into something much worse.

 

That’s who they both have always been.

 

He lets out a tired sigh. Regardless, he needs to be honest, needs to make amends with Touka, who has always tried to help him, even when she was prickly and he was defensive.

 

Lustful daydreams aside, he cares about her and he wants to be her friend and wants to — show her that he’s always cared.

 

He arrives to the manor, finds most of the occupants away in their rooms. Holds a brief chat with Tsukiyama and his father. Yomo-San joins them and the four of them share a bottle of blood wine that was too exquisite to pass up.

 

It was _fragrant._

 

“It’s from France. Made some time during the 2nd war.” Mirumo informs them and Ken drinks to just being alive. Even as bitter as it was, he drinks and drinks — there was a sense of assurance there.

 

This moment in time exists when they can all just be. Not ghouls, but just _people._

 

“Thank you,” Ken bids the men good night, slouching and staggering up the steps, as Tsukiyama tries to drunkenly play _Fur Elise_ and still somehow sounds really good. He can hear Yomo gushes to Mirumo about Touka and how grateful he was to be allowed to stay there. He passes Nishiki who steadies him somewhat before smirking about him being a lightweight.

 

Then finally, he stands before Touka’s door with a copy of _Margaret_ in his arms and knocking loudly.

 

He can hear her shuffle and saunter over to the door, squint when the hallway light hits her eyes.

 

Without thinking, he thrusts out the copy, slurring the words “For you!” She blinks, he blinks and for a moment, Touka’s caught in a situation she’s only ever read about in mangas.

 

“Uh - _thanks.”_ She looks over the glossy cover and smiles to herself, as she wonders how he could just do that. Change her whole mood with one thoughtful action.

 

_Kaneki Ken was dangerous._

 

“I-I’m really glad you’re my friend!” Then, as though suddenly remembering, he adds, “I hope I didn’t piss you off today. I’m sorry if I did.”

 

Touka’s brow furls. Piss her off? Was he worried that he had upset her? “You didn’t,” she murmurs, thinking back to her earlier harsh words to him. It was like she couldn’t stop herself from saying the wrong thing. She almost constantly put her foot in her mouth around him, getting her feelings hurt over something that had nothing to do with her. She had no right to get mad at him over that human woman.

 

They weren’t together. They were just learning to be friends, and even that was a struggle for her.

 

_And why would he want you?_

 

She has to bite back a bitter laugh. There was also that. She was nothing like the kind of women that Kaneki found interest in. Maybe he had told her he would stay with her back then out of pity? She had been a miserable sight back then, surely -- broken on the floor while her brother tore at her wings. He must’ve just felt sorry for her. Or perhaps it was just guilt -- that she had come to rescue him, only to need to be rescued herself.

 

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” she mutters. “Why are you always apologizing, moron?” He winces, and she realizes that her tone has come off to harsh. She really should just stop talking. Was it in even possible for her to have a civil conversation with him?

 

He seems relieved, breathing in a deep sigh. “I’m glad. I feel like I’m always causing trouble for you.”

 

“You’re not,” she mutters. “And how did you end up drunk?”

 

“Blood wine,” he says brightly. “Regular alcohol tastes horrible -- but blood wine is nice. It’s kind of sweet, actually. You should try some. Mirumo-san was nice enough to give me some. I’m sure there’s more!”

 

“And end up like you?” She rolls her eyes, though it was nice to see him behaving in a calm, light hearted way. It was like some of the edge had been taken off -- and some of the tension that he carried in his body had been all but washed away. Even the bags beneath his eyes seemed to have melted away, though -- when she thought about that, she had noticed that she hadn’t seen him ever since he had started to smell like that human woman.

 

She grits her teeth.

 

What did she look like? All Touka could picture was a human version of Rize. “That’s right,” Ken says, “You only just turned eighteen -- you probably shouldn’t,” he says solemnly. He reaches forward, patting her head as though she were some fucking kid and she brushes him away, though he’s still grinning.

 

Asshole.

 

“I’ve been an adult since I was ten,” she says dryly. “Besides, I’ve never seen the point in drinking,” though her hand was beginning to itch for a cigarette. It would at least help relax her. Maybe she wouldn’t keep picturing Ken with that damn human woman. A kind, smiling human woman who probably knew exactly what to say to him. She probably didn’t yell at him like she did -- she also probably didn’t lash out when she was angry or insult him.

 

 _Ugh, stop thinking about it!_ His eyes seem to soften and she shifts anxiously. “What?”

 

“I never really thought about it before,” Ken says, “But lives for ghouls are so difficult. It must’ve been hard growing up like that. I think I understand why you were so angry when we first met.”

 

Right, their first few meetings when all she could do was lose her temper with him and berate him for being an ignorant human -- for having a cushy life up until that point. Ugh. She really was the worst. None of that had been his fault. “I was a bitch,” she mutters. “You’re a stupid bastard, but you still didn’t deserve that.”

 

“I can’t really blame you,” Ken says, smiling sadly. He takes beside her on her bed, shoulders brushing against hers. The slight contact is a shock to her system and she flushes, though she’s loathe to actually move away from him. God, she was an idiot. One little touch that he hadn’t reacted to was making her heart race. “I was begging you for help but I still said something so cruel,” he murmurs.

 

“And -- I can’t really talk anymore, can I?” His smile turns bitter. “I’ve done -- monstrous things. All for strength.”

 

She looks down at her hands on her lap. Even though she hated how much he had changed, how far he was gone — a part of her couldn’t help but _understand._

 

The raw helplessness and desperation that turns someone into a monster. Surely, he felt it too. The little mocking snippet she had gotten from her little shit of a brother told her all she needed to know about what he went through.

 

Hesitantly, she puts a hand over his. Her cheeks flush with color but she doesn’t retract it, knowing that it might have some comfort to him.

 

He looks just as surprised, looking at her with such warmth in his eyes, that she can’t meet them. He doesn’t move it away either, holding it more firmly in his hand, as if it’s strengthened by his own conviction.

 

He was a little drunk but he knew when Touka-Chan was trying to comfort him.

 

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs, sliding closer, until her silhouette presses gently against his and she can’t make out their shadows separately on the wall.

 

“Don’t be stupid,” she shakes her head, looking at his drooping head and bumping her shoulder with his. “You’re gonna fall asleep on me?”

 

He nods sleepily, making her snort.

 

“Fine, I have two pillows, so you can slide up.” She doesn’t want to be alone. Even if it’s under a false promise, she wants him to be here.

 

“Really?” He asks but still slides up to lay down, rubbing at his eyes with his knuckles.

 

“Yeah,” she answers softly. “Now scoot,” she moves to lay next to him, turning on her side the same time he does. They’re — face to face now and while the idea of closeness had been good just a moment ago, Touka can feel her heart hammering when he’s so close. He looks sleepy but still maintains that lightheartedness.

 

“Freckles…” he nods, in the direction of her nose. She crosses her eyes, trying to look at the dusting of them but she’s never paid much attention before.

 

“Dimple,” she says sardonically, poking at his left cheek. He chuckles, leaning into her touch. She likes it when he laughs, the quiet sound so warm in its expression. The way his eyes light up and his hair falls over his eyes when he’s restlessly turning over to escape her pokes.

 

He was ticklish.

 

_Good to know._

 

“Okay, okay! Sleep.” She ordered. “You woke me up before!” She gives him a mock sharp look and he looks solemn again. Solemn, but not there was no hurt. He looks almost... _disappointed?_

 

“Kaneki?”

 

“Can you hold my hand?” He asks quietly. “Just until I fall asleep?”

 

Her eyes widen. She never thought he would ask her...that? Regardless — she wouldn’t _not oblige._

 

“Uh sure,” she grabs his hand quickly to make sure he doesn’t see it tremble. She’s careful with it, clasping it against her smaller hand, entwining the fingers until he seemed happy with it.

 

“Good?” She asks softly.

 

Closing his eyes, he nods.

 

She watches him with a softness she doesn’t realize he notices, leaving him puzzled. He wasn’t as sleepy as he was letting on, but he was quite curious to see, what Touka did.

 

His eyes stay closed, and after a moment, when she’s sure he was asleep, she removes her hand. But she doesn’t give him long enough to feel disappointed when her fingers work through the strands, softly running circles.

 

She doesn’t stop until he’s really asleep.

 

—

 

When the first lights of the morning are filtering through the curtains, his eyes open slightly just to check the time. It was just about daybreak, Touka was cuddled into his side and whistle breathing. It’s different seeing her like this. In her sleep, her bangs had fallen out of her eyes. Her long eyelashes dusting her cheeks, giving her an almost doll-like appearance. Every so often her nose would twitch, drawing even more attention to the light freckles dusting across her cheeks.

 

It was cute, he nearly snorts. He’s smiling too damn much for being half awake but he can’t find it in him to not take when she’s — so close.

 

He doesn’t want her to move away, nor does he want to move away himself. He places an arm out, experimentally wrapping it around her slim frame. She shuffles even closer, resting her head in his shoulder and shaking from the displaced blanket.

 

 _Cute._ He thinks with a groan. Too cute.

 

He settles the blanket around her and himself, holding her closer, feeling even greedier than before.

 

_Would it be selfish to take just a bit more?_

 

—

 

Ken isn’t exactly sure when his perception of Touka had changed -- or at what point it had. It seemed like a gradual progression, to the point that one day she had stopped being some scary, mean ghoul and was now just Touka-chan, a girl who liked bunnies and would cut off a piece of herself to help someone that she cared about, even if she complained the entire way. Back when he had first became a ghoul, she had always been there, even when he hadn’t deserved it.

 

He had called her a monster, yet she still saved him from Nishiki and kept him from destroying his soul when he had been desperate to eat Hide. She had hated him, but she still took him to have a mask made. She trained him, taught him to fight and gave him tools necessary for survival in her own rough way.

 

She hadn’t left him alone.

 

And yet -- that was _exactly_ what he had done to her.

 

At the time, it had seemed like the right decision. Touka was so brave, confident, and cock-sure. She would run off, far ahead of where he could follow if he allowed her to. That’s why she had come to aogiri and gotten hurt. He didn’t want to see that happen to her again -- especially not over him. She seemed to always be getting hurt because of him -- always trying to protect him. In a way, leaving her behind had been his attempt to protect her. She would never listen if he allowed her to join his group -- but at anteiku she was safe, surrounded by people who loved her. It was naive of him to assume that. He had left her behind, and yet -- she had still been in danger, and in the end, she had still been left alone.

 

She’s warm.

 

He sighs, breathing in the almost aromatic scent of her skin, nuzzling the back of her neck. He’s still somewhat sleep drunk, to the point that he doesn’t think too deeply about his actions. He shifts closer to her. His front is entirely pressed against her back, so that he could feel the subtle curves and softness of her body. Sometimes, he would do this with Kana -- though, Touka felt _different._ She was softer, perhaps?

 

The shifting of her body and a soft murmur is enough to sober him, however. “Kaneki?” comes Touka’s sleepy voice.

 

He releases her quickly, “Good morning,” he says, somewhat sheepishly when she turns around, looking at him curiously. “S-Sorry about that. I didn’t realize that I was so close,” though he’s grateful that she didn’t look angry. She was just -- studying him. Her eyes still held onto traces of sleep, hazy, as though she hadn’t quite finished dreaming. She doesn’t look as though she quite believed him.

 

“Right,” she says, yawning as she sits up. “I’m surprised that you actually stayed the night,” she states with surprising frankness. Ken blinks -- so she knew about his nightly excursions? Then again, it wasn’t like he did much to hide them at all. He assumed that most of the group just figured that he was restless, which was partly true. He was unbearably restless at night. Sleeping alone led to nightmares and racing thoughts -- Kana kept him preoccupied by wearing him out until he was too tired to dream.

 

Though, strangely -- all he had done was sleep tonight beside Touka and he felt _peaceful_. There were no taunting voices, no pain, and no memories.

 

“I -- uh, just feel like I need to get out sometimes,” he murmurs. “I like to walk--”

 

She frowns. “You don’t have to lie, you know,” she mutters. “I’m sure everyone knows that you’ve been seeing someone. Ghouls have really good senses of smell. You probably just don’t notice because you’re a half ghoul.”

 

Ken’s eyes widen. “I --,”

 

“It’s not a big deal,” Touka continues. “You’re an adult -- as long as you’re covering your tracks, what you do is your business. Just don’t lie about it.”

 

He feels as though he’s just been caught being unfaithful. When really, it was nothing like that at all. Touka doesn’t think of him like that. She would never know the dark thoughts he hides beneath, or the fact that he tries to find her in his nightly excursions.

 

It’s really fucked up — she was his friend and yet he goes out at night to fuck women that remind him of her.

 

“Don’t worry too much about it, idiot,” she pinches his nose. “Just be careful.”

 

He wants to stop her, so badly. Bring her back into his arms and do what he had been fantasizing about but he knew that there was no way she would return those desires, right?

 

_Maybe if I tell her — she’ll take pity on me —_

 

Shut up.

 

“Go freshen up, I think I wanna treat Mirumo-San to my coffee again. He said he liked it last time.”

 

Kaneki dazedly walks out, his head in the clouds the whole time.

 

Touka ties her hair up and fixes her bed, waiting for him to come back so they can go make coffee together. She was wearing one of his old sweaters again. Does she know that he knows? The pride that it fills him with?

 

He sneaks glances at her as she hands a cup to Mirumo-San, to Matsumae and even to Kanae, the two sharing a mutual glare.

 

“It probably tastes like shit,” Kanae mutters, distastefully staring at the hot coffee.

 

“Really?” Touka feigns mock innocence, “Your Shuu-Sama seems to like it,” pointing to the man complimenting the _exquisite flavors she’s harnessed._

 

Whatever that means.

 

Kanae is very close to throwing the cup aside and launch on her but doesn’t. Touka knows this and offers him another smug smile.

 

_Bitch! I’ll get you!_

 

Touka grimaces, staring off at his retreating back. What a brat.

 

Of course, Kanae goes far enough out of sight before polishing the whole cup and scheming on ways to get a second cup.

 

 _Dumb kid,_ she thinks. Putting aside a carafe like she doesn’t notice Kanae expertly getting another cup poured by Matsumae.

 

His cheeks are flushed. “It’s okay, I guess!” He admit, “at least you’re good for something!”

 

“You shitty brat,” Touka hisses, “don’t make me hurt your feelings!”

 

Yomo immediately intercedes, pulling Touka away while Matsumae lectures Kanae for being rude to guests.

 

“That _Katzen_ is trying to steal Shuu-Sama!” Matsumae wonders of Kanae’s eyes were working properly.

 

“I don’t think you need to worry about that,” She says dryly, “now go do your work.”

 

The younger boy seethes but obliges.

 

—

 

Later that night, Touka’s back in her balcony, sitting after a cool shower, smoking the last cigarette she had.

 

She promises herself that this would be the last one for a while. That she wasn’t going to make a habit out of it but it was extremely difficult to honor that when it was the only thing that could calm all those worries.

 

She wonders about her brother, about Yoriko and the life she had left behind for this one.

 

It’s hard to live when all she’s ever doing is losing, why should she accept it? Granted, a selfish part of her is happy that at least Ken was still here, but even that was _hollow_ when she thinks about where things would go going forward.

 

She snuffs out the bud, and walks out of her room quietly, rubbing her eyes. She needs to see Ken.

 

It doesn’t take long to find him, luckily.

 

All she has to do is wait by the entrance by the manor. He’s already on his way out, glancing down at his phone, as though he were numb to the world around him. He smiles slightly, and that small smile burns enough to the point that she stands up and walks in front of him, cutting him off at the door. He blinks, looking up from his phone just as he’s about to run into her. She would laugh from the look the startled look that he gave her, if not for stinging pain in her chest. Full of longing -- or perhaps it was envy. She had told him earlier that she didn’t mind what he did -- that he could be honest with her.

 

But, she couldn’t stand the thought of that.

 

Not when she knew how nice it felt to sleep beside him -- and to wake up in his arms. Was that with that human girl felt? How much else did that woman know about him? Touka had spent six months trying to figure out where she stood in Ken’s heart, but had that woman managed to etch her own place into it, deeper than Touka had ever gone?

 

“Touka-chan?”

 

“Where are you going?”

 

She had no right to demand anything of him -- and yet --

 

He looks as though he’s unsure of how to respond to her, mulling over his words. “I was -- going to see Kana,” he answers honestly. Kana. So that was her name. Her eyes glance to the phone that he clutched in his hands, before going to his eyes. They weren’t together -- they had just really become friends again, but he resembled the cat who ate the canary. Her head tilts to the side.

 

“It’s not really my business,” she mutters. And god, fuck -- it really wasn’t, but she couldn’t stop herself from talking. “But why do you go to see her?”

 

Ken gives her a bemused expression, brows knitting together. “Why?”

 

“Yeah,” Touka says. Maybe once she heard the answer, she would finally be able to let this go -- she could accept that she wasn’t what he wanted -- that she couldn’t give him whatever it was that he craved, and then she would be able to let it go. He grows silent, flushing as the seconds seem to drag on. There was a question on his face. _Why do you want to know?_

 

She doesn’t answer him. She waits.

 

It must strike him as strange -- that she had stopped him, right at the entrance to this imposing manor, to ask him why he wanted to fuck some human woman, but it’s something that she needs to hear, even though waiting in silence for him to speak made her want to claw at her chest.

 

“I guess,” Ken murmurs, “I don’t want to be alone with my own thoughts.”

 

Ah. So it was loneliness.

 

So -- it wasn’t because of the woman in particular? “Do you like her?” he gives her a strange look. “I haven’t really thought about it,” he admits. “That sounds bad, doesn’t it?” He asks with a hollow chuckle. It makes her feel badly for even bringing this up.

 

“I guess that we all feel that way sometimes,” she finds herself saying. It’s as though something has taken over her. A strange mixture of desperation and hope that swells inside of her. It didn’t sound as though he had any kind of special attachment to this woman, and if that was the case, then his visits to her were just out of convenience, right?

 

Touka is bolder than she’s ever been when she reaches forward, grabbing his wrist shyly. His eyes widen, eyes darting down to her hands. She can feel his pulse point through his wrist quicken. “I -- don’t want to be left alone with my thoughts, either,” she looks into his eyes as she speaks, and though she’s being vague, she can tell that he understands her.

 

\--

 

He doesn’t quite remember how they make it back up to her room. Had she kissed him first -- or had he kissed her?

 

It hardly mattered when he’s burying her with his body, feeling the soft curve under his warm hands. The way she follows his lips movements with no experience of her own.

 

He finds it cute. Too cute, just like everything about her. It makes him feel like a bad person but he wants to be her first. He wants to imprint himself on her, just like how she had imprinted herself in his mind, in his heart.

 

“Let me See,” he murmurs, panting shallow. His fingers take the hem of her shirt and lift it over her breasts. A feat that makes her chest heave, her belly round into knots.

 

He looks _hungry._

 

“Let me sit up,” she mutters, biting her tongue as he sits back to allow her. Her shirt comes off and he cups her face again, kissing her hungrily, his tongue tracing her lips, from corner to corner until she finally finds the courage to latch onto it for herself, sucking on the tip of his tongue.

 

A sharp thrill goes up his spine. His hands move beneath her thin bra to cup her bare breasts. It’s embarrassing but his breathing gets heavier. He was _hard._

 

Just from touching.

 

She releases his tongue with a pop, pupils blown out and hair messy. She reaches behind herself and unclips the bra, letting him tear it from her breasts and push her down onto her back again.

 

Her hair was fanned out over the pillows, skin flushed and her lips swollen from how he kissed them. He wants more.

 

_He wants so much more._

 

“Can I kiss you?” He asks, cupping her breasts with his hands and softly kneading them. “Here?”

 

Unlike other times, she doesn’t have a witty retort. Her brain was fried from it all. She wanted to feel him inside of her. Nights spent with just his memory, and her fingers never quite managed to sate her.

 

“Y-Yeah,” She cups his face, arching her back with a deep exhale. Giving him the neediest look she can muster.

 

His face hardens, like stone. And slowly, he replaces his kneading hands with his lip, suckling on the right nipple while he worked on the other with his finger tips.

 

Touka is nothing if not bold, and she watches him the whole time, as he keeps his eyes locked on her. Lips pursed as he rubs his tongue over the swollen nub, cheeks hollowing from the effort. She can alleviate the pressure between her legs, not by rubbing them, when he was in between them. So she does the next best thing.

 

She rubs up against him, groaning when she feels the hard tent against her thighs.

 

_He was hard. For her._

 

“O-Oh fuck!” She curses, twining her fingers through his silvery hair. That spurs him on, suckling harder and switching between the two breasts with fervor as he grinds down in between her legs.

 

He can hear how wet she was beneath her soft shorts and her thin panties.

 

He can’t play around here if he wanted to satisfy both of them.

 

“Lemme See,” he groans, voice slurry when he redirects his attention to pulling down her shorts and fitting to fingers right on the wet spot of her cotton panties. He rubs at it, slowly and then leans down to taste it with his tongue.

 

It’s all Touka needs for the overstimulation to reach its fruition. She closes her thighs over his head and lets out soft huffs as she lifts her hips and rides out the short orgasm. He’s not satisfied, even when she is.

 

“Kaneki,” she moans, unable to stop him from pulling the crotch of her panties aside to purse his lips over her labial folds. _Oh god._

 

“W-what are you doing?!” As if she’s finally realized how far they’ve gone.

 

“Tasting you,” he says simply, running his tongue over her stiff clit. Her panties were becoming a nuisance. He would just rip them off but he knew Touka would not appreciate that, so he unhooks her thighs and begins to roll down the cotton fabric, throwing them aside afterwards.

 

Then he parts her thighs, situating between them so he can part her folds and taste her more efficiently.

 

“Good,” he murmurs, in between licks that has her dizzy. “So _good, Touka-Chan.”_

 

She lets out another whimper, bunching his hair in her fist and directing him to where she needs it the most.

 

Being up on her elbows was starting to become a pain. Not with her whole body shaking the way that it was. Her head tilts back with another quiet curse as he begins to suck on her clit, snaking a hand up to her breast to squeeze it.

 

She loses balance for a second but quickly regains it just to overlap and lock her legs at the ankle and place them at the base of his shoulder. He doesn’t stop, not until she’s come again, drenching his tongue with her juices, let out expletives at the threshold of begging and fallen from her elbows to writhe on the bed from how tired he made her.

 

When he finally comes back up, licking his lips and smiling, she gives him a tired glare.

 

“I’m still not done,” he explains, rubbing her belly with his hand. “You just taste so good, I got carried away.”

 

Ugh. “Don’t say such embarrassing things, idiot!” Her belly was twisting into knots, wondering what he has in store for her next.

 

He rests her body over hers, fully clothes and yet she can feel the heat right through them.

 

“You’re too dressed for this,” she murmurs between kisses. He suckles at the patch of skin under her chin as she slides her hands beneath his shirt and scratches lines down his back. Wickedly, she locks her legs over his hips, lifting herself up to grind her wet cunt over his aching tent.

 

Two can play that game.

 

“You’re really eager, aren’t you?” He growls, lifting up just enough to slide his shirt off. Her eyes are soft, lips quirking to a smug smile.

 

“Yeah,” she answers, bringing him back down. “I fucking am, can’t you feel how wet I am?”

 

He groans in response -- low and deep in his throat, almost like a rumble from his chest. The sound makes the ache between her legs intensify. She hadn’t known that Ken could sound like that. His normal voice wasn’t something that would inspire any kind of lustful passion -- and yet, the way that he sounds now is enough to make her want him inside of her _now._

 

His fingers brush over her clit, stroking at the parted, flushed folds of her labia. His eyes darken, appearing to be almost black before lifting his fingers up, brushing his tongue over the slickness that covered them. “I can,” he acknowledges. “You’re dripping,” he says, his voice almost a growl.

 

“Y-You’re gross,” he really was talking to her like that. Kaneki was talking to her like _that._ She hears him laugh, eyes crinkling at the corners. “You brought it up first,” he reminds, looking much too attractive for his own good.

 

She can hardly take it then, grabbing his cheeks with the palm of her hands and kissing him.

 

It’s still difficult to believe that this was actually happening.

 

Kaneki was kissing her -- touching her --

 

He wanted her.

 

It was hard to fathom. He moans against her mouth as she moves her hand downward, dragging it over his abdomen. He was still dressed in his black hoodie, but she can feel the hard, toned muscle underneath. It was hard to believe that this was the same boy from long ago. He had been soft -- almost dough like at that time. Still, she had liked that about him but this new muscle definitely had it’s advantages, as well. Slowly, she lifts the hoodie and the shirt, touching the skin beneath.

 

She smiles when she feels his skin tense beneath her fingers -- and then, she slides off both his hoodie, and his shirt. He lifts his arms, letting her take off the garments, and leaving him naked above the waist. Curiously, she touches him, dragging her nails slowly along his pectoral muscles, using them to brush along his nipples. His voice stutters, and then he laughs again. “That’s sensitive,” he informs her.

 

“Ticklish?”  
  
“Not exactly,” he murmurs, this time taking her hand into his. He kisses her fingertips, easing one of them in right to the knuckle before he allows her to smooth her hand down his chest, and then lower, until they rested right on the tent that had formed at his crotch. The material of his pants had bunched together, right where his cock had risen. Was it uncomfortable? It looked as though it were. “It’s -- It’s more like --,” he inhales sharply as her palm runs along the shaft of his cock through his pants. “-- a buzzing underneath my skin.”

 

She snorts, “Don’t get poetic on me while I’m touching your cock,” she says, then. He was wearing sweatpants, so it’s easy to reach into his pants and ease his cock out. It bobs as it’s released, before going to stick up right above his belly button -- straight up. He must’ve been _really_ hard for it to stand up like that. She had seen porn a few times, and can’t remember the porn star’s penis standing up that much.

 

That was a weird thought. Maybe she shouldn’t think of that right now. Instead, she turns her attention back to his cock, leaking and throbbing against his skin. She was somewhat out of her element now, unsure of what to do. Should she just touch it? But, what if she did something wrong? What if she did something that he didn’t like? How did that woman -- Kana touch him?

 

He went back to her -- night after night -- so it must be good.

 

She was probably experienced -- older. Maybe she looked like Rize. Sophisticated. That was the kind of woman that Kaneki usually went for, right? She finds herself frowning. She was nothing like that -- she didn’t have any experience, and she knew that she wouldn’t be able to “make his skin buzz” in the same way that those women probably did. It pisses her off.

 

“Show me?” Touka asks, looking at him from underneath her eyelashes. “How to touch you?”  
  
Ken’s eyes soften. “Okay.”

 

Gently, he takes her fingers into his, before guiding them around his cock. Then, he begins to slide it up and down. The skin of his cock was warm to the touch, and slightly slick with what must be his pre-cum. It’s softer than she thought that it would be -- and fucking hot. She wants to touch herself, too -- and feel good with him.

 

“You can squeeze harder,” he says.

 

“You guys always get so sensitive about your dicks. Are you sure?” Ken bursts out laughing, to her surprise. He had an almost -- free expression on his face. He hadn’t looked that open in some time. Actually -- had he ever looked that open? She can’t be sure. Even when he had first come to anteiku, he had been guarded. His smiles back then had been masks, too -- hadn’t they? Or at least, that’s what his friend had led her to believe during their talks. This laugh, this smile -- it didn’t seem fake, though. “I’m sure,” he murmurs, “I like it a little rough.”

 

“Kinky,” she jokes, this time squeezing harder. His eyelashes flutter, head tipping back as she begins to move on her own.

 

It’s a wondrous sight; his eyes closing to half mast and his lips parting with a slowness that makes her grip him too hard. His adam’s apple bobs.

 

She closes the distance between her lips and his cock, a low suck that has him whimpering.

 

“T-Touka…!”

 

She shudders, moving closer, and holding him with a vice like grip as she strokes the part she can’t accommodate him. His taste is strangely fresh — unlike anything she’s ever had even as a ghoul masquerading as human.

 

Kaneki shudders again when her lips purse over the head, sucking with quiet succession. His cold fingers thread through her long hair and hips buck forward, unwittingly making her take more of him down. Her resolve almost breaks when she feels just _how much_ she had underestimated his _girth._

 

“Shit!” He quickly pulls himself back, her lips popping and a wispy thread of her saliva disconnects from the leaking tip. “D-Did I hurt you?” He asks, sorrowful.

 

She shakes her head. True she’s been caught off guard but she was not one to give up. She picks up her hair in her hands, tying it up with a scrunchie from her wrist and making sure nothing got in the way again.

 

“Let me,” she murmurs, cupping his cock with great care and taking him as far as he would go with a delicate motion. He can only watch - awed.

 

Her throat swells with the penetration and after a few preliminary strokes, he makes the assumption that she was okay with it.

 

“Be rough,” she says, voice raspy, eyes dark with impish joy. “I-I kind of like it rough, too.”

 

His eyes darken. Was that right? He draws her back in, guiding his cock in between her pink lips and watching her suck with  delighted enthusiasm. She was messy with her actions now, making sure to get him wet, wet enough so it’s easier to stroke him and see him grow out of control again.

 

“T-That’s enough,” he grunts, drawing himself away. Pulling her back onto his lap and rocking her onto his hip. She was really _wet,_ wasn’t she?

 

Then why wait?

 

“Come on,” He hurries, pulling her over his bobbing cock and letting her descend, taking him in all the way.

 

The pain is sharp but she’s not paying attention to that when it’s so _full._ The sweet sounds she release, adjusting to the peppering pain is all he can focus on to not say fuck it to it all and take her as his body demands.

 

It was her first time. She would — forever remember this. Like he was imprinting a part of himself onto her.

 

He likes that, the thought drawing out a dark and possessive part of him.

 

He hadn’t known that he had needed this so badly -- but now that he fills her, some of the emptiness within him dissipates as well. Even with Kana, it had always felt like he was searching for something. Something that the other woman couldn’t fulfill no matter how much he tried to have her take that role. It was different with Touka. He wanted her to remember this moment, and to look back upon it fondly. She gasps softly, and he feels her rock her hips forward, experimentally.

 

The slight movement is enough to knock the wind out of him.

 

It’s even better to watch the expression on her face -- the way that her lashes flutter. Her lips part slightly, as though in surprise. He finds himself wondering whether it is from pleasure or pain. He hopes that it’s the former, and he reaches down, in between their slick bodies in order to gently rub at the swollen bud of nerves underneath her clitoral hood, as Kana had taught him.

 

 _“That makes girls go crazy,”_ She had told him -- and Touka’s reaction doesn’t disappoint as she _squeals._ It was a very un-Touka like sound, and it fills him with pride. Touka had always seemed so strong -- always running ahead of him -- always so sure and confident. Though now, it was up to him to take the lead -- to teach her as she had once taught him.

 

“Fuck -- _Fuck_ \-- That’s --,” she sounds so stunned, and he can’t deny that he loves it. He kisses her, before letting his lips drag down to her collarbone, hands moving down to grab the swell of her hips. “Don’t move too much,” he murmurs softly. “Unless you’re ready? If you move too much it makes me want to --,” his words die as she shifts again. This time, she draws away from him, looking into his eyes as she begins to roll her hips.

 

Then, she presses her hands against his chest and slowly -- _slowly,_ lifts herself up.

 

She drops back down, making him hiss as his cock is buried inside of her once more. Her lips quirk upward as the fingers on her clit seem to still from his own surprised pleasure. “I’m ready,” Touka grins. “Keep up.”  
  
A challenge.

 

Now -- this was Touka. He finds himself returning his smile -- It was so like her to try to take the reins, even when she didn’t know what she was doing. He’s always liked that about her. Her nerve. She was fearless, in a way. “Oh?” He asks, this time laying backward and bending his knees. She watches him curiously, before releasing a loud and startled whine when he begins thrusting upward. Touka swears as he pounds into her -- each thrust producing an audible slapping sound as he bottoms out inside of her again and again.

 

It was too bad. He really wanted to take the lead this time.

 

“It doesn’t hurt anymore?”

 

Hurt?

 

Fuck no -- there was a slight sting, but even more than that was an overwhelming euphoria. Her belly burns, and it feels as though she could feel each of his thrusts with her entire body. The sensation spreads outward, making her feel hazy and dazed. For a moment, she wonders how she had gone so long _without_ fucking him.

 

“Touka?” He asks, his voice teasing.

 

“D-Don’t be a little -- ah!” She gasps as his cock seems to brush against something swollen inside of her. It has her keening, back arching and making him grin. His smile is unguarded -- open, but also amused. “A little what?”

 

“You -- you -- you’re such a --,” she can’t even seem to string together a sentence as she breaks. It’s so good, and she’s only vaguely aware of warmth flowing down her chin as she shudders, unable to keep her body from trembling. Fuck. Orgasms had never been this intense before.

 

She couldn’t -- _stop._

 

Is this normal? She peers down with a daze, catching his shit eating grin and the way he holds her when she’s so shaky. Infinitely proud that he was the reason she was reacting in this way.

 

“W-What?” She asks, teeth chattering as he pulls her into his chest, holding her close and carefully switching the positions so now she was beneath him. He still doesn’t draw away or even pull out.

 

There was after all, more ways to go.

 

“You’re so cute,” she’s flushed a peachy pink hue. Hitting his chest lightly but he catches her hand, kissing it softly before pulling out of her.

 

She groans, feeling the weird emptiness like a mass of heat has gathered in between her legs to never reach fruition.

 

He chuckles at the frown on her face, moving her bangs away from her eyes to see her clearly. He was still so hard, so hard that it _hurt._

 

“I think we can try it another way now.” She glares at him, Kaneki was a sneaky bitch most of the time. Sometimes he got too sneaky and made fun of her without her realizing it.

 

“Promise,” he leans in, kissing her cheek. Pulling her legs up over his shoulders, “it’ll feel really good.”

 

“It better,” she pouted, moving up on her elbows, watching as his fat cock slides back inside of her and she’s left with a very different fullness. The kind that makes her back arch, her head tip back with a flourished groan, one that she can’t silence even after burying her face in her shoulder.

 

He draws out, pushing back in with a slam. “How’s that?” He repeats the motion, over and over again, asking her every time how it felt, knowing fully well she wouldn’t be able to answer, that all she would be able to let out is a tired groan, eyes wild from how close she was getting. How her belly twists as the heat contract and expands, the way she was so close to bursting.

 

Even Kaneki is getting winded. She can see it in his steely eyes, the way the veins on his arms bulge as he forces his arms over head when she’s long since fallen onto her back. His sweat dripping onto her hair and skin, a soft bead sliding down his neck and she licks it back up to his lips.

 

“Good,” she groans, thankful for how flexible she was. She pushes her hand into his ass, feeling the firm and tight muscles right under her fingers.

 

“Shit,” he goes to draw out as her legs slide down his shoulders. But she’s too quick for him, stopping him with a firm crossing over his neck, ankles locking as she growls out a soft _no._

 

She’s so warm. So full. Is this how it’s going to be every time?

 

It’s only a few more thrusts, that’s all it takes really for her to let out a final gasp and feel him flood her.

 

Kaneki’s panting, softly bringing her legs down from his shoulders to ease himself out and lay next to her. She’s cold as soon as the separate — crawling into his arms.

 

_It feels good. He’s tired._

 

It’s never felt like this with Kana. He liked sleeping with Kana, but he’s never felt so _in peace_ with her.

 

Even as Touka snuggles into his arms, Kaneki thinks how deep he really is in.

 

—

 

Morning comes much faster than Touka wants it to.

 

She isn’t entirely sure when she fell asleep. She remembers curling up beside Ken, resting her head against his chest and listening to the sound of his heart. And then -- it was morning. They hadn’t spoken at all after their impulsive act, and now that she was awake with the blood no longer racing south, she realizes that she had no idea what to do.

 

He was still asleep, thankfully -- hair all messy and bangs pushed upward from when he must’ve shifted in his sleep. He looks remarkably calm -- even though she had just went and changed everything about their relationship in a single night. Well -- they both had, hadn’t they? Touka grimaces as she slowly sits up in bed. She’s careful not to rouse him.

 

He was still here.

 

She’s not sure why -- but there was a part of her that had wondered if he would still be there when she woke up. Even after fucking him, she had thought that he might still go see that human woman, even then. _What did I do?_ She thinks, growing more panicked by the second. Unable to help it, she stands up, and quietly makes her way out of her room and into the balcony. She closes the door behind her before gripping the balcony. It was still early -- the sun only just rising, leaving the sky a lightning purplish-blue.

 

What did any of this mean?

 

Did it mean that he had feelings for her? The way that she felt about him? Uncertainty rocks her. Well, if he slept with her, then he possibly didn’t have feelings for the human woman -- Kana, right? Though, if that was the case, then maybe she was just as temporary as Kana was. He didn’t want to feel lonely. That’s what he had said, hadn’t he? She had responded in kind and now -- she’s left feeling more unsure about the both of them than she ever had. _It doesn’t mean anything,_ she tells herself. _It’s just sex. Don’t make it into something it’s not. It’s -- probably nothing more for him, either._

 

Those thoughts do nothing to comfort her, however.

 

The air is still chilly -- and it’s the cool air that forces her to settle down. Touka takes several deep breaths before returning to her room. What should she say when he wakes up?

 

 _I want to run,_ she thinks with a grimace.

 

 _But she can’t._ In reality, she never been that person either. Touka has always stayed back and faced what needed to be faced.

 

Even if this was something — she was terrified of facing.

 

 _If this is something temporary, then — then she’ll deal with it._ But she doesn’t want this to end.

 

Sliding the door open, she steps back into her room. Ken stretches in bed, giving her an adorably sleepy smile, moving to sit at the edge of the bed, pulling her onto his lap, holding her tight and secure in his arms.

 

“You’re up early,” his voice is husky, layered in sleep and care. Has someone ever spoken to her like this? Like they missed her presence when she was gone?

 

Not in a long time.

 

“I was coming back,” she lies, looking for the right words. Did he want her again? He was comfortable doing this, did he do this with that woman too?

 

“Mhm,” he pulls the strap of her shirt down, cupping the swell of her breast fondly, running the pad of his thumb over her pert nipple. “You’re warm.”

 

She gasps, huffing and moving away from him. But he holds her still, kissing her throat. Moving her back onto the bed, resting on her pillows as he busies himself with her body.

 

She can’t find the words. Nothing at all, to stop him, to clarify where it is that they stand. Even as he moves between her thighs. Bending her legs to the knees and parting them just so he can slide between and taste her again.

 

_She wants this._

 

 _He’s so warm. She wants this_ **_all to herself._ ** _She won’t share it with anyone._

 

But is that what he wants?

 

He moves back up, licking his lips of her flavor as tears well up in her eyes and she’s all the more raw — with want. With longing. He kisses her tears away, sliding his hard cock between her folds, moving her legs over to lock at his back. The sheer force of the thrust, shaking her breasts hypnotically. He bites at the dusky peaks.

 

_All his. He was finally getting what he wanted. Touka-chan._

 

He traces his fingers back to her clit, rubbing at the swollen nub with great interest as she writhes around him, tightening so much that she milks it all out of him with a tired groan.

 

She’s full. Wet. Even as he draws out, turning on his side to feel her warm skin with his tainted hands.

 

She turns on her side, back facing him and suddenly, it’s all cold again, even when the sunlight filters all its warmth in her room. He’s stunned, how had they moved so far away again?

 

“Touka—“

 

“I want to sleep.”

 

A flinch.

 

He stares down at his hand. Had he taken too much again? His eyes narrow, he’s absurd. He’s ugly. How could he even think that Touka-chan would ever want him?

 

“Okay.” He settles onto his back, after covering her with a blanket.

 

\-- Only leaving after she’s gone to sleep.

 

—

 

He had fucked up again.

 

Some way, somehow -- he had found achieved something that was close to the solace that he had been looking for last night. He had found it, and done something to ruin it, all in the same night. It figured. He was good at doing that. Messing up a good thing -- making others unhappy. His mother had said the same thing before, hadn’t she?

 

_“All you do is take, and take, and take. Like a leech. You’re sucking me dry -- you and my sister both!”_

 

Ken isn’t sure where he’s going -- he just needed to get away from here -- get away from the mistakes that he seemed determined to make. Perhaps it had been the right call not to bring Touka with him all of those months ago. It had only been two weeks since he had first seen her again and in that time he had managed to somewhat mend their relationship, only to ruin it all by fucking her. Touka had probably realized that it was a mistake, as well.

 

He chuckles dryly.

 

“Kaneki!” He hears Tsukiyama cry.

 

Ken blinks, looking around to take in is surroundings. He was in the archways of the manor, near the entrance. He had gone straight for the exit without even realizing it. Where was he going? To Kana? _That’s where you always go when you don’t want to think._ It’s pathetic. “Are you leaving so soon?” The taller man walks up to him. “It’s not even midday --”

 

“I just wanted to take a walk,” he smiles, mask perfectly in place. He didn’t want the others to worry about him. “That’s all.”

 

“Your walks tend to last an entire day, _mon ami_ ,” Tsukiyama seems worried, brow furling. “Is everything -- alright,” he picks his words carefully. It strikes Ken as odd, unlike him. It wasn’t often that Shuu expressed any kind of worry. While a part of his group, Shuu tended not to interfere with whatever he chose to do, he would even encourage some of his baser past times at times.

 

They had an understanding -- a strange one, but an understanding, nonetheless. Tsukiyama was his sword -- a sword didn’t question it’s wielder.

 

“I’m fine,” he lies. “It won’t be a long walk.”

 

His eyes seem to search his. Then, he sighs, as though tired. “I have -- done some thinking,” he says. “I was content to watch you at a time -- to see what you would do next. There was always a beauty in your actions, you see,” he says, this time reaching forward to squeeze his shoulder. “Even at your most violent. Even violence can have a magnificence -- but it in doing so, you nearly killed yourself.”

 

Oh.

 

Ken’s eyes harden, “I’m fine.”

 

“I am not here to stop you,” Tsukiyama says. “I -- I am just here to say that I am here if you would like to talk. I would rather you here than in the abyss.”

 

That was -- a surprise. He isn’t sure how to take this entire conversation. He’s out of his element. This wasn’t their dynamic. It wasn’t what Tsukiyama was normally like at all. He was talking as though he actually cared about him. Then again, he had stopped him, hadn’t he? Wasn’t that part of the reason he had decided not to go to the raid? Responsibility. He had a duty to stay for the ones left behind.

 

“I’m sure -- that Kirishima-san feels the same way.”

 

And there it was. _I should have gone._

 

He doesn’t answer. “I’ll be back soon,” Ken says, turning on his heel. He doesn’t listen to the other man as he walks out of the front door. Another lie. After all, playing a part was what he was good at, wasnt it?

 

\--

 

He arrives at Kana’s apartment not long after.

 

_Knock, knock._

 

He knocks patiently, and is relieved when he hears movement from inside of the apartment. She was home. “Who’s there?”

 

“It’s me.”

 

She opens the door, eyebrow raised. Her hair is still messy, not brushed from the previous night. She must’ve just woken up. “It’s early,” she states, head tilting to the side so that her dark bangs fall over one eye. He bites his lip. “And you didn’t return my calls --” He doesn’t allow her to finish speaking as he crushes his mouth to hers.

 

Kana’s quick on the uptake; wrapping her arms around his shoulder and jumping as he picks her up and carries her to her couch. It’s not different than the few times they had done this, but now his throat feels dry, his head hurts and he can’t bring himself to go forward. Even when Kana is beginning to palm him through his slacks and maneuvering her body down to be at mouth level with his cock.

“Kaneki-san?” Kana asks, straightening up and waving her hand in front of his face. It snaps him out of his trance, out of the long buzz he was hearing. He wasn’t even getting hard, was he?  
  
Kana has a grip on him still, slowly stroking his shaft, leaning in to lick a wide line to the tip when he stops her.

 

This was wrong. _It was so wrong. But why?_

 

“Can you get me some water?” He croaks, looking dangerously pale. She backs away, going to do just that. Kaneki tucks himself back into his slacks and sits with his head in his hands. He can’t do it.

 

It’s just not the same and moreover, his body just wasn’t letting him go through with it. Not when he can still remember how it felt to be within Touka, to kiss her and be embraced by her whole warmth. Granted, he must have fucked that up real well with his inaction. But right now, this -- wasn’t right.  
  
“Here,” She hands him a cold bottle and takes a seat next to him. Eyes worried as she looks him over. She waits until he’s finished his water before speaking again, looking at the slight shake of his hands and the way the lines under his eyes look more pronounced. He must have gone through something if he had come back here looking like he’s just been through hell.

 

“I’m guessing something must have happened,” She begins, tone lilting. “I’m not mad or anything, I was just concerned.”

 

He gives her a shaky, nervous smile. She catches it, the falseness of it, pronounced by how tight it was. But doesn’t bring it to attention. That wasn’t the kind of relationship they had and Kana was only looking to have fun.

 

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that,” He murmurs, sheepishly. “I - something happened and I think that I screwed everything up.” How was it easier to tell a stranger this? Than anyone else in his life. Even when Tsukiyama-san had shown the same concern, it was like eating nails, the same shortness of breath struck him like he was going to die. But this mere stranger, why was he telling her everything?

 

She lifts her feet up onto her glass coffee table. “Does this have to do with ‘Touka?’” He looks like he’s been caught being unfaithful. If she were unkind, she’d snicker, but she felt for him. “You know you called out to her a lot, if I was anyone else, I’d be really offended.”

 

He does look ashamed. _What a good guy._

 

It’s a shame really. Oh well.

 

“Is she the friend you were caught up with last time too?” Kana asks, “did you tell her? That you like her?” Some color flood back into his expression, cheeks heating up adorably.

 

“U-Uh well, no we’re friends and --”

 

“But you want to be more than that? Did you try telling her that?” Really, men were always clueless, weren’t they? Even the best of them.

 

He stares at his clasped hands, the empty bottle of water lying diagonally on her table, with it’s milky film of condensation from the heat of her living room.

 

“We don’t have that kind of relationship,” he reasons weakly, unable to really tell Kana the full story. Not like he could, there was too much at line. Than his silly crush on a girl too good for him.

 

Kana snorts, “Well obviously not, but you’re okay coming here and telling a girl you sleep with all of that?” She sits up, “How are things going to change if you don’t talk about it?” She asks, “These things take time. Girls like it when guys are forthcoming.”

 

Usually, he liked relying on Touka to be the forthcoming one. When he tried being forthcoming, he was just -- not himself.

 

“Plus, if she’s not interested, you can always come back here.” She smiles, full of mischief. He gives another pained smile, trying to placate the situation, but it only makes him feel worse.

 

“I hurt her before,” He says, “I don’t -- she deserves better --”

 

“I think she can decide that for herself,” Kana says, raising a brow. “Don’t punish yourself and her because you have some screwed up sense of morality.”

 

He looks surprised.

 

She slaps his thigh playfully, making him jump. “Now get outta here! If it doesn’t work out, I get home at around 6.”

 

\--  

 

Kana was kind.

 

She was kinder than he thought, at least.There was much more to the sly woman than she had showed to him in their short time together. They had never spent much time speaking during their time together, and it occurs to him that he didn’t know a thing about her aside from what she enjoyed while being fucked. He winces at the thought. He had to stop doing that -- using people. _Thank you,_ he thinks to himself. She had pointed him in the right direction, and now all he had to do was find the resolve to go for with it.

 

 _Still,_ he thinks as he returns to the manor. _What if she’s wrong? What if this is a bad idea? What if last night was just a mistake and Touka doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore?_

 

Ken was good at forming doubts. It came naturally to him. It was as easy as breathing to think of ways that something _could_ go wrong.

 

He finds himself at the front of the manor, standing just outside of the large doors. Some of the help were already trying to usher him in -- take his coat, and offer him a glass of blood wine. He declines them politely as he looks upward. Touka’s room was on the second floor, and the balcony adjoining her room overlooked the front courtyard. Sometimes, on his way back from his trips to see Kana, he would see her leaning on the railing of the balcony, looking down at him.

 

Ken wonders if she had seen him every time he had returned. His eyes travel towards that familiar spot, and she’s there, just as he had thought that she might be. She’s leaning up against the railing, and she’s looking right at him -- as though she were looking right through him. It’s difficult to read her expression from down there, but she retreats, leaving the side of the balcony so that he could no longer see her.

 

Was she angry with him?

 

 _I hope that you’re right about this, Kana._ He thinks with a grimace.

 

“Sir,” Matsumae greets him as he enters the manor. “You are back early. Can I get you anything?” She asks as she takes his jacket. He smiles at her, before shaking his head. “That’s fine,” Ken says, “I just want to go up to my room,” he explains, watching as she bows, stepping out of his way.

 

He walks straight to Touka’s room. He knocks, though there’s no answer. He had seen her at the balcony, though so he knows that she’s just ignoring him. He sighs, wishing that she could be less frustrating. Touka was often forthcoming, but approaching her when she was upset was like approaching a cornered snake. One wrong move and you would be stung, even though she might be just as frightened as you were.

 

Should he come back later?

 

_No._

 

Pushing this talk off would just be another way of running away. That was what he always did. It was almost funny. He had faced off against horrible, frightening men and women. Jason. Shachi. Kanou -- and yet, confronting Touka at this moment scared him far more. Gathering his courage, he grabs the door knob, turning it and letting himself in.

 

He doesn’t see her in her room, but as he steps towards the door to the balcony, he sees her sitting on the reclining chair, smoking.

 

She glares when she sees him.

 

So, she was angry.

 

“I didn’t answer the door for a reason,” she says. She was prickly today. She takes a deep drag of her cigarette before releasing the smoke. Her entire body is tense, curled into herself. Both her legs and her arms are crossed, as though she were trying to keep herself reigned in. Or perhaps it was to hold herself together.

 

Touka sniffs the air.

 

“You saw that woman, Kana, right?”

 

He winces. He had forgotten that she could tell that. He has that urge to lie again -- to flee, but he doesn’t. He can’t -- not now.

 

“I did,” he says slowly. “I didn’t do anything with her.”

 

“Bullshit,” she hisses. The fierceness of her voice leaves him flinching. She sounded angry, though earlier she had just sounded resigned. It had sounded like she hadn’t care. When they had spoken earlier, she had even said that she didn’t care about what he did with Kana. Had she lied? “Why else would you have gone to see her?”

 

“I didn’t realize it would be a problem,” he shoots back. “You didn’t seem to want anything to do with me earlier. I thought -- I thought you were upset about last night. That you regretted it.”

 

It’s Touka’s turn to flinch. She puts out the cigarette on the armrest of the recliner before standing up. She throws the used cigarette bud on the floor. “Did you?”

 

“Did I what?”

 

“Did you regret it?”

 

“Well, you clearly did,” he hears her mutter. Her words leave him in disbelief. Was she serious right now? “Touka-chan,” Ken says, taking a step towards her. She glares at him, hands balling into fists. For a moment, he wonders if she’s going to hit him again, but she makes no move to go near him. “In the morning -- you didn’t even want me to touch you.”

 

“That’s -- because -- I just,” she stumbles over her words.

 

“I was… upset,” he admits. “I thought that I had hurt you… or pushed you too far. I thought that I had messed up again. That’s why I went to see Kana.” She stiffens again at the mention of the other woman’s name, as though burned. She _was_ angry. “So you just go and run off to her -- just because you don’t know how I feel about something? Why do you always make assumptions?!”

 

She was raising her voice now.

 

Ken, however, doesn’t back down. “I can’t read your mind, Touka-chan,” he says. “You told me before that you didn’t care about what I did with Kana. And now you do,” he tries to pick his words carefully, seeing her growing redder with frustration and anger. “You said that you wanted -- you wanted me to comfort you last night. And now you’re angry with me about it.”

 

This draws her to a pause. He’s right — she had said she didn’t want to be alone. She’s never given him any other reason to believe that she _wasn’t_ okay with letting him go and See Kana.

 

In fact, it was her words that _he was an adult and he could do as he liked as long as he didn’t get in trouble or drag anyone else into his troubles._

 

She supposed they never talked about whether that situation had changed or not, ever since the night they spent together.

 

Touka sighs, rubbing at her eyes, the two of them standing at her balcony, no doubt looking ridiculous to the staff down below. She peers down, hoping no one had caught her childish outburst.

 

“You’re - You’re Right.” She admits. “I did say those things, I guess we never talked about what happens from here.”

 

_No they didn’t._

 

“I thought you regretted it,” he says quietly. “Especially after this morning — I thought I screwed everything up.”

 

“You didn’t.”

 

Touka walks over to the table, shrugging on one of his old sweaters, bringing it closer around her to shield her from the chilly evening air. She’s had enough time to think about it. After waking up to find him gone, she had looked everywhere in the manor to find him only to be told he’s gone out for a _Walk._

 

Practically everyone knew what that meant. Hurt, she had retreated back to her room and ruminate on what to say when he got back. She didn’t want to believe that he would go back to see Kana so soon; a sense of shame lingering that she was somehow _not enough,_ but such was life.

 

She was, after all a ghoul and while Kaneki was good at playing both ghoul and human, it was obvious, what he preferred being in the end. That would be the same for the type of company he would keep.

 

“It’s not anything serious, I guess,” voice light in the wind around them. “I guess I felt a little jilted when you left, even though I told you to go.”

 

He waits for her to continue. Knowing that she must have a lot to say.

 

“You didn’t screw anything up, I did, though. I knew this whole thing would be a mess but I guess I was lonely and you were…too. And I thought that we could — I don’t know — be less lonely together, or something.”

 

Her hands itch for another cigarette but she knows better, especially after smoking half a pack in her anxiety.

 

“A-and, I’m not mad at you. I’m just mad at myself,” her lips part, pained. “You can go see that Kana person whenever you like,” she licks her lips, buying some time to say the next few words.

 

If only it didn’t hurt so _much._

 

Her lips twitch, a humorless smile. “I guess I liked it a little too much. The thought of having to share that with someone _hurt._ Especially, when she’s..” _human and probably more of what you might like._ “Your type of Girl. So I understand and — I guess what I’m trying to say is, I don’t want to continue this because I-I like you and it’s kind of pathetic because I'm angry at you for not returning those feelings.”

 

Her cheeks are bright, and she’s stumbling over her words again, looking dwarfed in his old sweater, tugging at her pigtails from the nerves.

 

“So yeah,” she finishes lamely. ”We can probably put this behind us — or not and move on.”

 

She wishes he would say something, instead of leaving her in these dead cold silences. Or he could get out and let her waste away in her own embarrassment for a couple of days. But Kaneki does neither of those things, instead he marches right up, cupping her cheeks and pulling her into a kiss.

 

It’s strange how he’s able to make her forget things so easily. Was she really that infatuated? That sappy? She would grimace if the slow, wet kisses he’s giving her throat wasn’t making her toes curl

 

“I-I was afraid too,” he’s misty eyed and smiling like an idiot. “I went to see Kana and she told me to talk to you — I didn’t think that you would ever think of me like that.”

 

He was so dumb. So so so dumb. How could someone so smart be so damn stupid?!

 

“I thought you hated me and that I was annoying you.”

 

He was annoying. He’s still so annoying. How he could change her perspective so easily. How he had made her disavow from being alone so quickly, just within weeks of knowing him. He was the most annoying of them all.

 

“Why do you — smell like her?” She asks, trying to appear less jealous and pouty. Ken thinks it’s endearing that she was so worked up about something so minuscule.

 

“I’ll admit that I went over with an intention that didn’t become true.” She stops him from saying the rest, as she situates herself in a proper seat, shrugging off the sweater and pulling the tank top she was wearing off to reveal her barely covered breasts.

 

“I don’t want to hear about how you almost fucked someone else,” her voice is low, sultry, far more than his fantasies could ever offer.

 

He swallows, tracing every curve and freckle of her bountiful breasts. His eyes are peering into hers, hands clenching and unclenching, right before they grasp the soft mounds.

 

“May I?”

 

She rocks her hips, feeling that familiar hardness right against her sensitive inner thigh.

 

“You may.”

 

Her lips part, releasing a shaky breath that she hadn’t even realized that she was holding as his hands mold over her breasts. His hands were curious -- like they had been the previous night, though this time, they seemed to have far more confidence -- surety as he touched her. His eyes are glued to hers, thumbs brushing over her hardening nipples through her thin bralette. Touka moans, head tipping backward as she pushed herself harder against him. She wanted -- no, she _needed_ more.

 

He had already explored her body once -- but she finds herself irritated. She didn’t like that that human girl had managed to sink her claws into him before she had been able to. He had already experienced so much with someone else. Kana had been the one to know what Ken’s first orgasm with another woman looked like. She knew the expression he had made when hands other than his own had touched his cock for the first time -- how he looked when he had gone inside of her.

 

She had even encouraged him to come back to her -- so, she was a saint, too. How was she supposed to compete with someone like that? Human, sweet smelling, and saccharine kind. She was none of those things. Her thoughts seem to dissolve when he bends down, lips coming to wrap around her nipple. His mouth is warm and wet as he sucks -- the suction of his mouth causing the ache at the apex of her thighs to multiply.

 

“You seem distracted,” Ken murmurs. “Come back,” he says, taking her cheeks into his hands again as the tip of his tongue drags along her pebbled nipple. It’s somewhat laughable to hear him talk about someone being distracted, but she decides to respond and give him an honest answer. It was the least that she owed him -- especially if they were going to attempt to move forward.

 

He had already told her that he felt the same way about her -- that he didn’t want to be with Kana. The very idea still leaves her reeling. “I just -- don’t really know -- how to take this,” she murmurs. “You want me -- fuck -- you _like_ me -- but it’s still hard to believe.”

His brow furls. “Why would it be hard to believe?” His expression is one of confusion. Touka wants to laugh. Did he really not understand?

 

“I’m a monster,” she admits softly. “I -- eat people. I have to. Why the hell would you want me over some soft, gentle human woman? That’s what you normally like, isn’t it? Someone who likes books… someone who’s beautiful… mature,” Touka says, her thoughts going back to Rize. It was strange, but whenever Touka had pictured what Kana had looked like, someone like Rize had come to mind. While Rize’s actual personality didn’t match, the persona that she portrayed embodied the perfect woman.

 

Touka was _nothing_ like that.

 

Her eyes drop down to her lap. Her eyes squeeze shut. She hates this feeling -- like she’s baring an open wound to him, waiting for him to pour salt right onto the throbbing flesh. She had never liked the idea of anyone having power over her. Love was just another way that someone had control. Wasn’t that what had killed her father?

 

“You are beautiful,” Ken says softly, jolting her. His lips quirk as his thumbs brush over her nipples. The slight contact is enough to make her skin sear, and her eyes widen as she watches him. Beautiful. Hadn’t Nishiki’s woman said the same thing? “You’re so beautiful that it’s hard to look at you sometimes…”

 

Touka laughs humorlessly. “Stop lying.”

 

“Who’s lying?” He asks, this time reaching down between her legs. He watches her, sliding his palm down the elastic band of her short and her panties. “I know what I said when we first met… but I don’t feel like that anymore. I was just ignorant.”

 

Her eyelids fall, dropping to half mast as she gazes at him from underneath long lashes. She can feel the rough pads of his fingers stroking her clit. It’s enough to make her _crave_ \-- hips tilting forward, searching for any relief that he would give her. “Ignorant?” She whispers.

 

She still remembered how he had ran from her -- falling over himself just to get away from her. She had been angry at the time, but she couldn’t really blame him when she thought about it. If she hadn’t spent her life surrounded by bloodshed and entrails, how would she feel about seeing someone kill for the same time? Even now, she hardly had the stomach for it, even if she did what had to be done.

 

“You helped me when no one else would,” Ken explains, smiling. He pushes her back, spreading her legs wider as he removes his fingers from her waistband. He licks them clean, watching her the entire time, even as she groans in embarrassment. “You showed me how to live in the ghoul world.”

 

This was getting too sappy for her. “Ugh -- shut up.”

 

“Why?” He asks innocently, this time pressing his still saliva slick fingers to her lips. Her eyes bore into his as she licks them. She can still taste the slightly salty flavor of herself on them. Without a word, she grabs his wrist, licking them clean. Her tongue drags over the digits, making sure that they were completely slick before she pushes them back down, in between her slick thighs. Now sufficiently lubricated, she groans as he eases two of his fingers inside of her. “Y--You’re,” she rasps as his fingers curve within her. “You’re -- s-saying the most -- _h-haah_ \-- the most -- the most embarrassing shit!”

 

“Isn’t that how this is supposed to go?” He sounds amused -- and then caught off guard when she shoves her hands down his pants. It wasn’t fair that he was the only one doing anything -- turning her brain to mush.

 

‘Shut up,” she repeats, this time closing the distance between them in order to kiss him to silence. “All you do is talk. Nerd.”

 

Her hand grips the base of his cock. He’s so _hard_. It’s almost amazing considering how much talking he insisted on doing. She strokes upward, relishing in the way that he shivers.

 

She wants to pleasure him, her hand stroking him slowly, watching as his eyes close to half mast, resting on her collarbone. She focuses on the head of his cock, making sure his slickness was coating his cock enough.

 

“You like that?” She asks, voice husky and teasing. “You look so cute.”

 

He gasps, pushing his fingers in her again, deeper and curling it far enough that she feels the harsh stretch. It really was too much, she couldn’t wait much longer.

 

“Lemme do something,” she mumbles, kissing him on his lips, hungrier than she’s ever been in her whole life. She wanted to make him feel good, _really good._

 

He brings his fingers out, licking them clean with a groan. Touka moves further down the chair, pulling at his slacks, impatiently waiting as he stands up to kick the garment off.

 

Once he was free of the confines, she slides her hand inside his boxers again, drawing his cock out and leaning in to take him in her mouth.

 

Kaneki lets out a slurry of words, his hips shifting as Touka adjusts to the side and the straining of her mouth when she’s sucking the head so viciously. _Fuck,_ that was incredible. She’s bobbing her head now, going up and down in a slick motion, taking him in a little deeper each time she sinks back down. It’s a little easier now that she knows what to expect. She’s able to fit him in -- until she can feel the tightness at the back of her throat begin to loosen as she relaxes.

 

She releases him with a loud, lewd pop, holding his cock in her hand, squeezing the base of him as her lips press against the shaft in a soft kiss that leaves him shivering. She grins, planting soft kisses, slowly moving downward.

 

“Touka-chan--”

 

“Hmm?” Touka murmurs. She likes him like this -- starry eyed and breathless -- looking at _her._

 

 _He likes me,_ she thinks, and she can feel a fluttering in her belly, as though she had leapt off a tall building. She’s embarrassingly giddy. “You know,” she says, “If I knew that I could get you to look at me like that just from doing this… I would have done it awhile ago,” she notes. It was as though she were learning his body, learning to play him as she would and instrument. Or -- perhaps, it was like learning a new coffee technique. One needed a meticulous and observant eye in order to produce the desired result.

 

Ken laughs, though it’s shaky as his hands tangle in her hair. She wanted to get him as deeply inside of her mouth as she could have him. She wanted him to _use_ her

 

Had Kana done this for him as well? She grimaces.

 

She had to stop thinking about her. “How long ago?” He cups her cheek as she licks along the shaft his cock. His playful question makes her grin, teasingly licking the head of his cock. He’s the sweetest right there, leaking a fluid that tasted the way that she imagined cake might. “Maybe -- after the church,” she murmurs. “I had wanted to taste you -- back then.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah,” she answers, this time bending lower in order to take one of his balls into her mouth as well. They were smooth, cleanly shaven it seemed. She hadn’t had the opportunity to really notice it the previous night.

 

Ken chokes on air as he watches her. “W-What--”

 

He looked so surprised. “What? Kana didn’t do this for you?” Her tongue swipes across the sensitive flesh. She sucks gently, and it’s enough to leave him groaning as his toes curl and his hips rut forward. He shakes his head. “N-No.”

 

She grins, “Good.” Her hand comes to grip him at the base of his cock, stroking upward as she moves to take the other testicle into her mouth as well, giving it the same attention as she continues to pump him. He yelps, releasing a sound that resembles a strangled sob. She had him right where she wanted him -- after all of this time.

 

Though, it comes to an end much too soon. “T-That’s enough,” Ken says shakily, gently pushing her away from him. He’s still shaking -- flushed red, and cock hard, red, and bobbing. It looked painful.

 

“Why?”

 

“I’m about to come,” he mutters. “I would rather finish while I’m -- fucking you.”

 

“Oh,” Touka says before flushing with pride. She swallows, catching her breath. “Then what are you waiting for?”

 

She sits back so he has the opportunity to slide her panties down her hips, watching with bated breath as she kicks them off and reaches for her bralette when he stops her. He instead, lifts the flimsy lace over her breasts, pulling her to sit over his lap. Touka brings herself to rub against the slickness of his cock, the way the head presses into her folds.

 

They both let out a trembling sigh, his arms wrap around her, head resting on her breasts as she continues to tease him. It really is too much when she reaches down and places his cock between the opening of her folds and slides herself against it. He seizes up, growling and forcing her to sit on his lap so he can take charge.

 

She smiles, coyly. Watching with inquisitive eyes as he pushes her legs apart and grips his cock to push himself inside. She lets out another shiver, there was no pain, not like she’s felt the very first time, but it was still strangely tight. She felt full and it didn’t help that he was pulling her onto his lap to slide the rest of his length in.

 

“F-Fuck.”

 

She presses her hand down onto his shoulders, lifting herself off of his cock to take him in one fell swoop. The results are -- without words.  
  
She’s never felt anything close to this before.

 

“You’re so wet, Touka-chan,” He murmurs, “Were you hoping I’d fuck you like this?”

 

Her blush extends from her cheeks, coloring her whole body in a soft peach hue. The chilly air was better for that reason. Touka only vaguely recalled that they were still out on the balcony deck and that she was riding him, much like she’s only thought of in fantasies.

 

His hands slide down to her ass, squeezing them slightly before laying a slap. She yelps out a curse, glaring at him as she carefully takes him in again. He gives her another one of his soft smiles, as if they weren’t doing something so lewd.

 

“I want to see how well you ride my cock, Touka-chan.”

 

“Q-Quit saying such embarrassing things!” But her own body wills it, going faster as she squeezes around his cock more tightly. He leans in, licking the peaks of her breasts, helping her keep up with the rhythm and splay his face over her bouncing breasts, sucking bruises onto them as she gets closer and closer to her release.

 

‘You’re doing so well,” He moans, she’s only imagined seeing his face like this. “Do you want me to help now?”

 

She did. She wanted to be closer than this. He takes her off, playing her on her back, thankful she was small enough to lay on the opposite end of the chair. Her hands grip at the arms as he lifts one of her legs over his shoulder and thrusts in.

 

She’s sure the arms of the chair was going to bend, he was sweating right onto her, the evening breeze be damned. His lips ghost over her parched ones and she traces his mouth with her tongue. The deck chair squeaks with every thrust he bottoms out into her and her leg just about falls from his shoulder as she cums, slowly wrapping around his waist and locking at the ankle as he moves faster inside of her.

 

He doesn’t let up for even a moment. He smiles, “Do you like it?” He asks, pushing her other leg up over his shoulder. Somehow, just that one change makes all of the difference as the angle of his thrusts changes. She’s shivering, biting her bottom lip as she watches his cock disappear inside of her. It’s strange -- being able to see it like this -- watching as it slides in and out of her. Even now, she can feel herself barrelling towards another orgasm.

 

“Y-Yes,” Touka whines, putting her hand to her mouth in order to muffle herself.

 

He can feel her tighten around him as she comes again -- her inner walls gripping him in a vice as she grows even wetter, thighs trembling at his hips. It’s so hot, and he can’t help himself as he is tumbling over the edge along with her. It’s sudden for him, too -- a tightening in his balls and his belly as heat washes through him. “Fuck,” he groans, withdrawing from her abruptly as he strokes himself right onto her stomach.

 

His come is warm against her belly. Curiously, she catches some of the liquid on her fingers before bringing it to her lips, tongue flicking out in order to taste it. It’s sweet -- or at least, she thinks that it tastes like how Kaneki had once described cake to her. A light, fluffy taste that leaves her feeling warm.

 

He watches her, smiling. “You’re -- amazing.”

 

She can’t help but laugh. “For what? Licking your cum?” She leans back against the chair. It was a good thing that the chair was so big and Ken is able to lay beside her, wrapping his arms around her waist as he buries his face in her chest. Her legs still feel sore from the position that he had placed them in, but it was a good kind of sore, like after an intense workout.

 

She hears him chuckle, “Exactly for that reason,” he murmurs. “You do amazing things all of the time, and you don’t even realize it.”

 

This comment leaves her rolling her eyes. She runs her fingers through his hair affectionately, unable to help herself. It was sappy as hell, but she felt like a giant sap right now and she didn’t mind in indulging in it. “Like what?”

 

“Like _this,”_ he says, gesturing towards the both of them. “I never -- would’ve thought that you would let me do this with you,” he admits softly. His words leave her wide-eyed. He had never imagined that she would want to be with him? It had been the opposite for her. She couldn’t even fathom why he would want her outside of anything physical.  “It seemed more like you hated me or something. And I felt like I always messed up around you.”

 

“I never hated you,” she murmurs, holding him close. “Not once. I just didn’t really understand you, I guess. I suck at talking about feelings and shit. You just frustrated me.”

 

He smiles wryly, he supposed they were both really bad at this. Wanting the same thing and being unable to express it out of the fear of rejection. They were both very dumb, weren’t they? Kaneki pulls her closer against him, draping a soft blanket she had on the head of the chair over their bodies. The night air was dropping and from their position, they’re both able to see the stars above.

 

This was good. Better than how he had thought today would go.

 

“Do you want to go inside?” He murmurs into her hair, rubbing her back with his hands. “It’s going to get colder.” She lets out a displeased groan, brows furrowed and eyes closed tighter.

 

“So? You can keep me warm,” She mumbles sleepily. “It’s comfortable sleeping here.”  
  
He laughs to himself. He supposes it was and who was he to turn away from how she was pressed against him. Making sure she was comfortable and that the blanket was covering the both of them, he lets himself doze off.

 

\--

 

There’s always something radiant about her when she was making coffee. Kaneki couldn’t put his finger on the matter but it always seemed to him that Touka was happiest when she was able to make and serve coffee. Unlike when they went through one of his novels, she looks fully confident and sure of herself. And it really wasn’t only him that noticed.

 

When she’d make coffee, everyone lines up, sitting on the big gaudy dining table, awaiting eagerly as she brought forth the carafes and poured away. She always makes sure to give a cup to Mirumo-san and Yomo-san first. Then Hinami and then everyone else.

 

The whole time, his eyes never leave her. He notices everything. From the freckles dusting over her nose, to the stubborn hair that she keeps pushing back behind her ear and lastly to the faint dimple that appears on her left cheek when she gives him a smile. One he’s traced and kissed in the quaint hours of night.

 

_“You have one too,” He murmured, peppering kisses down her chin before he kissed back to her cheek. She lets out a soft sigh, burying her fingers in his hair before pulling her to him, so she can kiss him like she’s wanted to all day._

 

_“It’s not as deep as yours,” She traces her fingers on his scalp._

 

_He smiles, wide. “I can see it though, maybe it only comes out when you’re smiling at me.”_

_He hears her snort, pulling herself up so she can mount him._

 

_“Maybe,” She wonders, “But do you really like the dimple as much as --” She slides her sleeping shirt off, revealing the thin bra she had on. It was low on the neckline, giving him a very exquisite view of her breasts. The inky mole on the top right of her breast._

 

_“Or do you like this more?”_

 

_He buries his face in between them, groaning that she was so cruel. Making him choose like that._

 

“-aneki! Kaneki!” He shakes out of his thoughts. Everyone around the table is giving him a worrying look. Touka stops pouring his cup to turn and face him. She purses her lips, placing the cup down.  
  
“Maybe you should get some rest,” She suggests, though her voice was far too silky to be just concern.

 

He catches on quickly.  
  
“Yes, maybe I should,” He mutters, picking up his cup and apologizing to everyone. “I’m sorry -- I’ve been staying up reading again.” He scratches his chin, exhaling slowly. “I think I’ll catch up on my sleep.”

 

“Feel better,” Hinami chimes from her seat, with Nishiki looking very suspiciously at him and Shuu drinking his cup as fast as he could. Maybe he can be of some assistance to Kaneki-kun --

 

“That won’t be necessary,” Kaneki says dryly, walking ahead, faster so he can confine himself in his room.

 

It would be too sudden if she came to him right now. But -- how was he going to stay put until she does? He shuts his door, placing the cup on his nightstand and throwing himself on his bed.

 

He has to be patient but lately, that’s been wearing thin, especially where she was concerned. They would sneak away to each other’s rooms and after he had fallen asleep, Touka climbs back from his balcony to her room, so as to not worry anyone she bumps into.

 

He hated waking up without her there, but he knew that it must be done.

 

\--

 

It feels like hours, but then there is a knock at his door. Far too soon for it to be her and yet his legs carry him there, fast. There could be a chance that someone needed something -- perhaps they were in danger or in need of supplies or --

 

Touka pushes her way in, closing the door before anyone has the chance to spot her. She’s back to the door and he’s uncomfortably close, and just like that, it’s as if a switch has been turned inside of him. He splays his palms over her head, trapping her against him and the door.

 

“I thought you weren’t feeling good?” She says dryly, folding her arms under her breasts, the sundress’ low neckline was driving him crazy. She never seemed like the type to wear dresses, now was she?

 

He was getting too distracted. “I-I’m not,” He murmurs, but doesn’t budge when she tries to push him back playfully.

 

“Got a lot of strength for a guy who isn’t feeling too good,” She points out wryly. “Maybe you should drink some coffee.”

 

He shakes his head. “Maybe -- or maybe you can help me.” It was worth a shot, right? Touka never wanted to try during the day, in fear of alerting someone. She was always so loud. Maybe he can convince her, just this once.

 

She exhales loudly, as if it’s a chore.

 

“I _guess_ that I can,” She shoves him and this time he walks back, all the way to sit on his bed. She picks up his cup of coffee and hands it to him. He frowns, taking it but just before he’s able to put it away again, she plops herself right on his lap, digging her knees onto the bed and against his sides.

 

“What?” She grins. “Drink up, then maybe I can _help_ you.”

 

\--

 

Touka wasn’t sure what to call their new dynamic.

 

It was nice. Fun. _Exhilarating. God,_ she thinks. _I sound like him trying to use words like that,_ smiling to herself. Strangely, sounding like Kaneki wasn’t something that bothered her at all anymore. What _was_ this? Was this a relationship? She isn’t sure, even though it certainly felt like one, if this was what relationships were supposed to feel like. True to his word, Ken hadn’t gone to see Kana at all in the last month -- he had even officially ended things.

 

_“What?” She had asked him when she had seen Kana’s name flash on Ken’s phone. A text message, one that he had looked at briefly while they were in bed together before typing out a short message. “What did you say to her?” There was a wave of uncertainty. Of doubt. Would he go to see her again? Would he leave her alone, even though he had promised that he wouldn’t? He had left before -- he could do it again, couldn’t he?_

 

_Her mouth pressed into a thin line as she looks at him, eyes searching._

 

_He smiles, showing her his phone. She can see the last message from Kana._

 

**_It’s already been a couple of weeks since I last heard from your, stranger. I guess that means went well with your lady friend? :)_ **

 

_So, he hadn’t been lying when he said that he had spoken to Kana about her. Her lips quirk, amused. “You’re a dork,” she says, looking at him as she continues to read._

 

**It’s going very well. I have you to thank for that.**

 

**_I guess this means no more visits? Too bad. Your girl is lucky._ **

 

_His girl. The words are enough to make her breath hitch. He had chosen her over Kana. He had told her so before, but it was another thing to see him actually do it. His girl. She was his girl. He looks at her, placing the phone back down onto the nearby night stand, wrapping and arm around her shoulder and pulling her closer to him. “Touka-chan,” he whispers into her ear. “Do you want to be my girlfriend?”_

 

_She can’t help but laugh -- a loud, nervous, watery laugh as she swipes at her eyes. God. She really was a fucking cheesy bleeding heart type, wasn’t she? Pathetic. “You’re so lame,” she says, voice cracking. “You don’t need to say it. Aren’t I, already?”_

 

_His lips brush over hers._

 

_“Yeah, you’re right.”_

 

Their new routine continue like this for the next couple of weeks -- and Touka couldn’t be happier about it. She can’t remember the last time she’s felt this free. Has she _ever_ felt this light hearted before? Perhaps the last time had been when she was a child and still ignorant about the cruelties of the world. She had learned at a young age that nothing was permanent. She couldn’t let herself indulge in happiness because there was the ever constant fear that lurked within her.

 

_It could be all snatched away._

 

With Ken -- it was easier to not think those thoughts. It was much easier to immerse herself entirely in the moment and not consider the future at all.

 

It was much more interesting to think about how she wanted to corner Ken in the hallway. Like right now.

 

It was mid day -- right around dinner time, where the Tsukiyamas would invite them all downstairs for dinner. Ken never went, still unable to stomach watching other ghouls eat human flesh. While he had changed immensely, that was something that hadn’t. Perhaps it was because the Tsukiyamas had always over-indulged. Various parts of body parts would be scattered around the table -- all waiting to be devoured neatly. Ken had continued consuming his “sugar” cubes in the meantime.

 

She rolled her eyes, as he leaves before she does. It had become a habit of there’s now -- to sneak out during group events such as these in order to have more time to themselves. Or -- just to fuck around, as she liked to call it. He had taken to standing outside, waiting for her to finish eating. She finishes her meal quickly, making an excuse for why she needed to leave the dining room early, much to Kanae’s frustration.

 

“Again? You haven’t even finished all of your food,” the huffy man reminds her. “We spend a lot of time procuring the meat -- and then preparing it elegantly -- and you can’t even appreciate --” at that point, Touka no longer cares. She simply lifts her hand into the ear, flipping the annoying man off while he gasps curses in that stupid language that she doesn’t understand.

 

When she emerges, Ken’s leaning on a nearby wall, lightly tapping one of his feet against the wall. It’s a very relaxed pose, a relief from how skittish he often seemed. He drops another sugar cube into his coffee before sipping from it. “You’re still eating those?” She asks, curious. “How in the hell were you able to fight the way that you did without actually eating?”

 

Ken smiles, tight lipped. It’s one of his fake smiles -- one that she recognized easily now that she was acquainted with what one of his genuine ones looked like.

 

This was not it.

 

“It probably has to do with Rize’s kagune,” is his non-answer, and it’s clear that this wasn’t a conversation that he wanted to at all. He shrugged in a way to show that he wasn’t interested. It seemed like an odd thing to avoid. He was tense suddenly, showing signs of flightiness. Touka looks at him -- eyes narrowing slightly. Then, she sees him rub his chin and she _knows_. He’s lying about something.

 

But -- what?

 

 _It’s probably that_ , she thinks. _What you’ve been hoping was just a lie._

 

She had heard rumors, of course.

 

About the ghoul restaurant, where all of the ghouls had been slaughtered and eaten. It was said a masked man named Centipede had done it -- killed them all before gobbling up as many of them as he could.

 

Cannibalism.

 

“The cubes probably aren’t enough,” she presses, searching his expression. “Is that really all that you’re eating?”

 

He’s rubbing his chin again.

 

_Fuck._

 

Her question doesn’t even seem to phase him. “I feel more comfortable,” he explains, as though the comment were an afterthought. “--with the cubes.”

 

There’s a slight spike in annoyance that she feels, a prickling of heat at the back of her skull.

 

“That’s not what I just asked you.”

 

Instead of answering her, he places the coffee down onto the table -- off of the coaster. Kanae would probably be pissed about that, a thought that absolutely delighted Touka. He grabs her wrist, kissing it before walking her back against the wall. Touka smirks, but doesn’t miss the obvious distraction ploy.  “What are you doing?” The others were still inside of the dining room -- all eating and chatting amongst themselves.

 

She can ever hear Kanae’s yelling shrilly at Banjou -- telling him and his two other friends to eat more neatly.

 

“I missed you,” Ken says, kissing along her earlobe. His lips suck on the sensitive skin, before moving up to nip at _that_ spot just behind her ear. She shudders from the sweet feeling. “You just saw me earlier,” she reminds him. “And you didn’t answer my question.” She had wanted confirmation, herself. It was a stupid thing of him to do -- then again, didn’t Kaneki seem to thrive on doing awful, reckless shit like that? It sounded just like him.

 

His lips thin. “Why do you want to know that?”

 

She draws back, looking at him seriously. “So I can know how hard I need to hit you for being a fucking idiot.”

 

He flinches -- and then sighs, taking a step away from her. “I ate ghouls,” he says, looking away. “Is that what you wanted to hear?”

 

Yes it was. She wanted to hear the truth from him. But it was nothing comforting because she would rather he not take the same path that destroyed her family. Was it selfish?

 

Perhaps. But what they had was beautiful and fragile, oh so new, that it took her years to be able to hope for something other than death.

 

“Why?”

 

“Because I wanted strength, I- still do.” And it was the only he was going to get it. Touka’s unsatisfied with his answer, angry that he could be so stupid that he would cannibalize of all things.

 

She frowns, brows furrowing. “You’re already strong, you idiot.”

 

“Not strong enough,” he answers stubbornly.

 

She feels her temper rising and that’s never a good thing. So she puts a stop to it. She needed to try another way to dissuade him; maybe if she told him about her father, it would be enough to draw him back from the madness of becoming a kakuja.

 

She didn’t want to do it here. They were long overdue for a date, weren’t they?

 

“Wanna take a walk?”

 

He smiles, relieved. Thinking, that she’s dropped it.

 

—

 

“The coffee emporium is actually across from here,” he points at the west entrance, where no doubt she can see a big bronzed sign. Her eyes are practically shining, as she walks closer to read the roasts of the week and what’s in season. He chuckles, finding this side of her to be too cute.

 

He clasps his hand in hers, intertwining their fingers. “We can go after, the place is open late.”

 

“We better,” she teases, dragging him back towards their path. They go uphill from there; and as Kaneki has said, the place is _beautiful._

 

Thick canopy of leaves enshrouding above head, it was cooler and much more private, the deeper they walk until they’ve come to the middle of a grassy field. The flowers are pink, not unlike cherry blossoms but Touka doesn’t know much about that stuff.

 

She knows however, that it’s pretty.

 

“It’s nice to get away,” he groans, dropping to rest his head on her lap. This is where happiness was.

 

Right here. In this very moment, when he’s this close to her.

 

Touka snorts, not unlike herself. But her eyes are sad. There was always a small sadness to her. He wanted to make that go away.

 

He reaches up, cupping her face and she leans into his touch.

 

“You know we have to talk about it,” she places her hand over his. “Hear me out, okay?”

 

She doesn’t want to fight. Not again.

 

He’s quiet -- and she takes that as a good sign to continue. His eyes are still closed as he lies on her lap. She runs her fingers through his hair, softly, and he seems to relax even further. “Don’t fall asleep on me,” she says teasingly, before growing somber. “I heard about it before -- you know,” she comments. “That you ate other ghouls. There were rumors about all of the ghouls in the gourmet restaurant being killed -- eaten. Somehow, I knew that it was you.” She still remembered how it had felt to hear that kind of talk in anteiku. Their patrons had gossiped about Ken’s exploits often.

 

There had been nothing but dread at that time.

 

Even now -- seeing what he had become left her with a pit in her stomach. He was doing far better now, but who was to say that he wouldn’t try to go back to his old behavior? What they had now was fun -- it was nice. But -- what if it wasn’t _enough?_

 

He doesn’t answer, eyes slowly opening, though he doesn’t look at her. “If you know already, then what is there to discuss?” It was an uncharacteristically cold response, one that even takes her a back. Her eyes narrow.

 

“Hey,” she says, trying to control her temper. “You _know_ why we need to discuss it. Don’t be an asshole,” she says, this time pinching his nose before releasing it. “Ow!” He frowns at her, and pauses for  a moment, as though gathering his thoughts. “I did it to get stronger faster,” he explains. “It’s the only way to on equal playing field with aogiri. Many of the ghouls there also cannibalize.”

 

“Why do you need to go after them at all?” He sits up, looking at her as though he were bewildered -- though, the hurt in his eyes is not what she expects to see at all. She bites her lips, internally chiding herself for the thoughtless comment.

 

It was something that Ayato had said -- wasn’t it? _“That fucker’s probably dead by now. He got turned over to Yamori -- and that fucker has got some specific interests.”_ It was hint, but after seeing him, it was clear that something awful had happened. “I’m sorry,” she says quickly. “I -- I didn’t mean that. I -- I just mean that… letting it go might be better.”

 

She’s never seen him look so angry. At least, she’s never seen him look like that while looking at her. Still, she doesn’t back down. “Kaneki --” she says, trying to find the right words. It was clear that he was misunderstanding her again. She doesn’t want that -- and she also doesn’t want to lose her cool. Not when they had already come so far. “I don’t mean that you don’t have a right to fucking hate those fuckers,” she continues.  
  
“But revenge. It doesn’t -- it doesn’t do anything--”

 

“Doesn’t it?” He asks, voice sharp. “Is that why you went after the doves?”

 

A sting.  
  
Her jaw locks. “I didn’t eat fucking ghouls when I did that,” she says, heart racing. How dare he go there? How fucking _dare_ \--

 

“No,” Ken responds, “You just nearly got yourself killed -- all for revenge. Is it all that different?”

 

—

 

What was it about that park that had both of them arguing? They walk home separately. Touka roaming around the city for a bit before the darkening sky has her feet carry her home.

 

It doesn’t occur to her until she steps through the door that Kaneki _could_ have gone to See Kana. _He wouldn’t, right?_ They were —

 

_Together._

 

The worry is gone when she hears him speaking to Yomo. While the older man greets her, Kaneki doesn’t even turn around to look at her.

 

That really pisses her off.

 

_Fine._

 

She refused dinner and goes straight to bed, locking her door and her balcony to allow herself some quiet time. Her bed feels stuffy and small, her clothes felt like a bother and she was mad at stupid Kaneki for making her unable to sleep alone in just a short week.

 

She’s apologized twice already and he should have known better than to bring that time up. Granted, it was insensitive of her to forget his primary motivation in going after Aogiri.

 

_Stop —_

 

She heaves a harsh exhale.

 

Thinking about it won’t solve the problem. It’s too late to think about this and while she’s wrong, he was too. He should know that, if he wasn’t so busy being a self righteous prick.

 

—

 

Sleeping alone was terrible. Especially when the other pillow smells like _her._ She left her sweatshirt on the back of his chair and a bad taste in his mouth after the argument.

 

Was this how it was always going to be? Were they just going to argue over tedious things? Or were they just destined to be so hot and cold forever?

 

Why couldn’t she understand?

 

It keeps him up most of the night.

 

—

 

Then a couple of days later, as if everyone had become aware of their intense avoidance of each other, they hatched a plan.

 

Nishiki hands them a list and a credit card to pick up items that they were in need of. Touka didn’t understand why the brat Kanae couldn’t go.

 

“Why the fuck don’t you go?” She demands, “I don’t see you doing anything except getting fat and floating around in the jacuzzi!”

 

“Fuck you, bitch! I went last week with Yomo!” The amount of disrespect he deals with is unbelievable —

 

“You’d notice if you weren’t too busy fucking around.”

 

Touka pounces on him only to be pulled away by Yomo who looks as disapproving as ever.

 

“The Tsukiyamas Are letting us stay here, it’s the least we can do.” He says in the stern Yomo-like way that tells here there would be no argument after that. “Besides, you and Ken have both been cooped up for too long, maybe some fresh air can help?”

 

She really doubts it. “Why can’t I take Hinami? Kaneki can go some other time.” She's avoided him long enough.

 

“She went with us last week. So it’s only you and Ken that’s left.”

 

Nishiki look sly. “Yeah, you two disappear together so it’s time you lazy brats pick up the slack.”

 

Touka’s about to start swinging.

 

And so, they go.

 

\--

 

It’s… an awkward experience.

 

As they walk together, it’s as though all of the distance that they had only just managed to bridge was back and _then some._ There is a gap in between them as they walk, and just noticing it was pissing her off. She holds the supply list in her hands, though it was crumpled now. She had balled it up in her fist the stupid Nishiki had slyly given it to her. Annoyed, she uncrumpled it and looks at the list.

 

Luckily, they were just basic necessities -- toiletries, lotion, shampoo, and other household items. They at least wouldn’t need to go to a fancy shop to look for these things. It would be a quick pick up -- in and out. Then, she would be able to rush back to room and go back to avoiding Ken like she had been for the last two days. Even though it was driving her fucking crazy.

 

And she missed him.

 

\-- _And what if he decided to go back to seeing Kana?_

 

Touka chews on her bottom lip anxiously. It was a thought that had started bothering her after the first night. He hadn’t left the manor at all, thankfully -- but it was a feeling that she couldn’t quite shake. They were fighting right now, after all.

 

“I think we’re getting close to the store,” she mutters, just loud enough for Ken to hear. He nods, telling her that she had heard him, but the indifference of the response leaves her pissed off. The nerve of him. Did he really intend to just sit there in silence the entire time? Did he intend to never talk about this?

 

_Fuck that!_

 

“Why did they have to send us to farthest fucking store in the city,” she complains, glancing at him. Still no response. Touka grits her teeth, then bites her lip so hard that it stings. She hated being ignored. This felt just like before -- before they had finally talked through all of this shit -- and now it was like that they right back to where they started. Hot and cold. She couldn’t stand it!

 

She walks ahead several steps before wheeling around on her heel. Then, she advances toward her, standing right in front of him. He was taller than her, and she has to crane her head, making her feel silly -- though it doesn’t lessen her temper at all.

 

“What’s your fucking problem?!?” She demands.

 

It was dark out -- and most of the street was abandoned, luckily, allowing her to be as loud as she wanted to be. Ken’s frown only deepens. “Touka-chan,” he says chiddling, as though she were a damn child. “We shouldn’t do this here.” Then he sighs, as though this were exhausting and beneath him. He really had some nerve, didn’t he?!

 

“Then where are we going to do it, asshole?” Touka hisses, this time poking his chest. She’s surprised when he grabs her wrists. So -- he was annoyed. Good. “You’re the one who started all of this!”

 

He drops his hands, folding them across his chest. “Is that so?” He asks, “And how did I do that? If I remember things correctly -- you started this.”

 

That little fucking shit -- “Are you -- trying to mock me?” Her voice raises. Fuck. Fucking hell! She’s getting pissed again, seeing red. She wants to throttle something. Ken sighs again -- and she really, _really_ wants to shut him up. If she had to hear him sigh one more time, she would probably actually lose it.

 

“Can we just not fight?” he sounds tired now. “It’s tiring.”

 

“So, we’re just not supposed to talk about it?” She demands. “That you’re -- that you’re eating ghouls? I’m just not supposed to say anything about any of that?!” He was unbelievable right now. And so fucking stupid!

 

“Do you know what it does to you?” Touka hisses as she moves closer to him, eyes flashing.

 

\--And then -- they hear a voice from behind them.

 

It’s soft and lilting, almost bubbly and feminine. Touka hadn’t even noticed that anyone had managed to get so close to them. “Ah, yes!” It’s a woman -- Touka can tell that, even though she hasn’t turned around. Ken’s eyes snap up, and she watches as he grows incredibly pale in a matter of seconds. “Please tell me all about that -- what happens when one of you monsters eats another one?”

 

**Dread.**

 

Touka doesn’t even have to turn around to understand what was happening -- and the sight that greets her is exactly as she expects. A pink haired woman with small hooded eyes and a bright smile -- dressed in a long, white jacket and holding a briefcase tightly in her hand. She stood tall, confidently and without even a trace of frustration or fear, even when they outnumbered her. That was a bad sign.

 

A confident dove was _never_ a good thing.

 

Ken grabs her shoulder, squeezing before pushing her behind him protectively. “Who are you?” He asks, a mask of calm taking over his features. He spoke evenly and softly, making the other woman giggle.

 

“That’s not something that you need to know,” she chirps. “But -- you’re Kaneki Ken, right? The CCG is in quite the tizzy over you,” she says, tilting her head to the side. “I don’t really get why -- but orders _are_ orders, you know. Will you come quietly or are you going to make a fuss?”

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Ken answers, eyes narrowed.

 

“Don’t play dumb now, Kaneki-san,” she says, “Your face is plastered all over Tokyo. You’re pretty famous for a half-monster.”

 

“I thought it would be a lot harder to find you, especially since you’re so well known, I would guess that you would be more careful,” Her tone takes on a more playful timber. “But, I guess you’re not very careful.”

 

Touka could only imagine what the dove was thinking. Probably about how lucky she was to  see Kaneki Ken out and about in the open. _Without a mask, no less._ Slowly, the dove sets down her pristine briefcase, opening it and revealing a quinque that seemed almost dainty and delicate. It was red -- just as red as her own kagune as the woman wields it fluidly as she lifts it, pointing it directly at them.

 

Slowly -- it opens, almost like the petals of a spider lily. It’s strangely beautiful as electricity crackles around it before it’s ablaze.

 

“Arima- san was right,” the woman purrs, “Though, he didn’t say you’d have a companion with you” she says, turning her attention to Touka. “That’s just too bad, isn’t it?”  
  
Kaneki takes a step forward, positioning his body so that he was blocking Touka. It was hard to make a split second decision when she was here too. He can tell that this dove was going to be a problem. It wouldn’t matter once he was done with her, but he definitely did not want Touka involved.

 

This was very, very bad.

 

The electricity crackles, shooting right toward them -- forcing the both of them to leap away from her.

 

“Kaneki, we outnumber her,” Touka reminds him firmly. “We can’t let her go.” A moment of silence passes. He knows this, if she’s seen her face too, then the only thing to do is to eliminate her. “If we attack her together, then --”

 

“No!” He’s thinking of aogiri again, now -- seeing Touka lying broken and battered on the floor all because of _him._ He had put her in danger again. He had thought that she was powerful before -- and while he knew that she was, she wasn’t invincible. Her own brother had taught that lesson to him intimately. He had nearly ripped her kagune out -- and while Ayato hadn’t wanted to kill her, this other woman very clearly _did._

 

Ken was not putting her in any danger. No matter how much she furrows her brows and glares at him.

 

Touka gapes at him. “You can’t be serious,” she repeats, voice trembling from anger. She shoves him aside. “I’m not fucking helpless!”

 

“Oh, you aren’t?” the dove woman asks, sounding so very amused. “I suppose we’ll have to rectify that,” and then she’s off, jumping right at Touka with initiative, it makes the younger girl falter, having not fought seriously since Aogiri. Hairu slices the air with her weapon, hitting the base of it on the ground create crackles of lightning that hits Kaneki from below.

 

It’s complete chaos as rubble and flashes of light overtake then. Touka knows she can’t hesitate, she knows she can’t let her anger at Kaneki overshadow what could guarantee a strategic win. The dove was fast, like her _ukaku_ quinque. At least in this sense, she and Touka were evenly matched.

 

What was left was how she could incapacitate her.

 

Perhaps getting rid of her quinque..? She looks back at Kaneki and sees that he’s soaring down with his _rinkaku_ poised, but the impact that could have ended it all, doesn’t occur. He merely swats the quinque out of Hairu’s hand. _What was he doing?_ She wonders as she watches him, trading blows with the dove woman. He wasn’t aiming for any of her vitals at all -- even after disarming her. He brings the quinque back with it, holding it firmly in his hand. It’s only then that she realizes it.

 

_He was going to let her live._

 

“Kaneki, you have to --” Another flash of direct light, Touka leaps back, hitting her shoulder badly at the wall. She was running out of RC -- fast. This fight is already taking far too long.

 

“I know what I’m doing,” He circles the dove, throwing her quinque aside. “I don’t want to kill her.” The dove looks surprised and then smiles coldly.

 

“Isn’t that a _shame?_ ” she mutters, standing up at full height and kicking him square in the face. “I was told to bring you alive, but what happens to your murderous friend remains up to me.”

 

Cold dread seizes them both. So the plan was to take him alive --

 

“Kaneki! She can’t live!” Touka yells, trying to make him see reason. This woman would be their end -- and it was clear that she wouldn’t stop at just them. There was all of their friends back at the manor.  She knew this had to be hard for him. He didn’t like killing humans, but it had to be done. Kaneki had always faltered at doing what was necessary -- it was something that she admired about him. He didn’t like needless violence. He was gentle, in his own way.

 

They just didn’t have time for that right now.

 

Kaneki looks at her, eyes tinged with desperation. “Touka-chan,” he says, voice pleading. “Maybe we can take her captive --”

He was really going to try to keep her alive. Touka isn’t sure what she feels right now. Regret? Pain? It didn’t matter -- she couldn’t linger on that, or she was going to die. If he wasn’t going to kill her, then she would just have to it. She was good at that. Doing what was best for all of them. It was just like she was a child again -- killing and cutting up bodies for she and her brother. Surviving.

 

The woman laughs again. “You’re really quite the character, Kaneki-san!” She says, smile wide. “I wonder if you’ll still be able to say that once your little monster dies?” And then -- she leaps right at her.

 

Touka is able to block the attack just barely. The woman is fast -- so fucking fast, and without as much RC, she was losing speed quickly. She dodges each swing of the quinque. “Do you like it?” the woman asks. “My T-Human has never let me down before!” And then -- she gasps as she feels the electricity crackle around her, frying the skin of her arm.

 

She’s unable to hold back her scream, stumbling back -- and she watches, stunned as the woman approaches her, rising T-Human high above her head. “This was fun, little ghoul,” she purrs. “But i’m afraid that it’s time for our game to end.”

 

End?

 

Stop?

 

Cold grips her heart, tightly coiling inside of her chest -- the woman is just about to strike down when suddenly, Touka watches as a blood red tentacle seems to plunge right through the woman’s chest. It’s enough to draw the younger woman into a pause, looking down with surprise, at the gaping hole. Blood sprays from the wound, especially when the tentacle is ripped right back out -- all over Touka’s face as the woman sways, looking down at her chest.

 

“Huh?” She asks, blinking as though confused. “Huh? Huh? What -- what is -- “ She sounds faint, as though she doesn’t understand what has just happened. Clarity seeps in slowly,

 

Then, she turns towards Ken looking at him with narrowed eyes.

 

He seemed just as stunned as the woman was, looking at his rinkaku, still dripping with blood and then back at the woman, as though he couldn’t believe what he had done. Touka breathes slowly, struggling to catch her breath as she rises to her feet.

 

“I -- I -- was told not to kill you,” the woman gasps, turning her body despite the wound growing larger, she touches just under her chest, probably from the pain. Then coughs, blood coming from her lips. She wouldn’t live long like this at all.  “But -- I am allowed to injure you, even lethally, if I have to -- even -- even if those guys -- aren’t happy about it -- ” She is struggling to speak, each word laboriously taken.

 

It seems that she couldn’t face reality.

 

Still, she wasn’t going down -- and Kaneki was in shock -- even as the woman raises her T-Human again. She was going to hurt him.

 

Kaneki would much rather if he gets injured over any harm coming to her. It would piss Touka off, but right now, she’s only registering the necessity for safety for the both of them. They had to make this quick. They had to get away from here too.

 

Touka takes her chance then, if he wouldn’t do it, then she would. After all, she was the monster between the two of them.

 

A round of crystal-like RC bullets embed themselves towards the dove woman’s back -- and her throat. Time seems to slow then, as the crystals slice right through flesh and leaving the woman choking on blood -- before there was silence. It’s at that moment when Touka leaps over her, running towards Kaneki, who watches her handiwork, eyes wide.

 

She can hear the sound of the woman’s head hitting the ground -- can hear the spill of the blood as it rushes out of her.  

 

“We have to go,” She pleads urgently. She wouldn’t stay to see the after effects of her actions. If he hated killing humans, then Touka hated killing in general. It made her stomach turn, kept her from a restful nights sleep for days after. Knowing that she’s taken away someone’s chance at life.

 

She won’t look back to see that woman’s face, thankfully Kaneki obliges, taking her hand in his as the two sprint without looking back even once.

 

\---

 

It starts to pour by the time they find an abandoned building. It was dark -- the windows all covered with boards. It’s easy to rip one of them off as they both sneak inside -- even though it’s pitch black. Needing some time to recuperate, Ken feels for a wall to know where they were going.

 

“Do you have your cell phone?” Touka asks quietly. It was the first time she had spoken since they had stopped finally stopped running. She hadn’t thought to bring hers before leaving, which was idiotic in hindsight. Ken doesn’t speak, just rustles into his pocket, and pulls out his phone. He turns on the flashlight, and then -- they can see. The inside of the building seemed to be covered in a thick layer of dust. It was stifling, but it was better than nothing.

 

They’re soaked and it’s a good thing that he couldn’t see her angry tears while they were running to safety. Though, in the light he notices her reddened eyes, the bruise forming on her shoulder, the cut on her cheek, and the dark red staining her shirt from where she had been cut by T-Human.

 

“We probably should’ve moved the body,” he hears Touka murmur to herself. “They’ll discover her soon -- and then this place will be swarming with doves,” it would be like anteiku all over again. Just when they had just managed to find a sense of normalcy once more. The small safe haven that they had carved out was about to be ripped from them once more.

 

“This town is far away from the Tsukiyama manor --,” he tries weakly and Touka shakes her head. “You think that they found us just by coincidence, Kaneki?” She shoots back, annoyed. “The woman was talking like she had been directed here. Maybe someone recognized you from those posters with all of the time that you came into town before… maybe they called the doves.”

 

Maybe it only a matter of time --

 

She snatches his phone from him, quickly finding Tsukiyama’s number and sending a hastily written message.

 

_“Our location might be compromised. We need to move. Do you have anywhere else we can go?”_

 

His message comes back quickly enough.

 

**_“Yes. We will make preparations to move tonight. Are you okay?”_ **

 

_“Yes. Just text us where to go once you move.”_

 

She can feel Ken looking over her shoulder, and it’s then that she gives the phone back to him as they find an empty room to sit down. It’s just as dark and filthy as the rest of the building, and Touka finds herself wishing that she had managed to snag even a small blanket from the store -- anything just to sleep on for the night. Though, this was somewhat like what she and Ayato had to do in their youth. Dodging doves -- finding anywhere where they could have a place to stay and keep warm for the night.

 

She slides down to the floor, eyes closed as she breathes, struggling to catch her breath.

 

Is this how it felt? When everything was about to fall apart once more? It felt almost like all of her previous concerns were small and inconsequential at that point.

 

Ken sits beside her, just as quiet.

 

And then -- “I’m sorry.”

 

What?

 

“Why are you apologizing?” She asks, softly. She’s exhausted. What had she even been angry at him about before? It was difficult to even remember. Life or death situations had a way of putting everything back in perspective. She brings her knees up to her chest, resting her forehead on them. “I was the one being loud in the street. I probably alerted her with all of my screaming.”

 

“But -- I didn’t want to kill her,” he whispers, causing her to go quiet again. “She was trying to kill you -- capture me. And I still didn’t want to kill her. I didn’t want to make that choice,” his voice is trembling, and she watches as he drops his head into his hands, squeezing at his hair.

 

“It was exactly the same as before,” he says, voice rising now. He sounded almost hysterical -- and it’s then that she reaches for him, pulling him into her arms and hugging him tightly, though he continues to speak even as his hands come to wrap around her waist -- tightly. He’s clinging to her now. “I wouldn’t have chosen -- and you could’ve _died.”_

 

“It’s pretty hard to kill me,” she says weakly. “And -- you did make a choice. You injured her.” It really was the injury that had made all of the difference. She isn’t sure if she would’ve been able to kill her on her own with how out of practice she was without Ken’s assistance.

 

“But I couldn’t finish it,” he continues, shaking his head. She can feel her shirt growing wet from his tears. He chokes on a sob, his voice soft and bubbling. “I -- I couldn’t even believe that I -- that I did that. That I hurt her like that --”

 

“Kaneki--”

 

“What if she hurt you more? Would I have been able to kill her then? Or I would I just have sat there -- feeling sorry for myself?”

 

Her eyes sting. “Kaneki -- stop it --”

 

“I wanted to protect you -- and you still had to protect me. I can’t even make one simple decision -- I can’t do anything --” She can’t stand listening to him talk like this. It hurts, knowing that he really thought this about himself. “Why worry about that now?” She asks, “She’s dead -- and I’m alive. We’re both alive.”

 

“It could’ve easily been something different,” he whispers. “I -- I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself -- if I let you get killed.”

 

She can feel her chest tighten, tears beginning to obscure her sight. “Am I pissed that you didn’t kill her outright?” She asks, “Yeah, I am. I’m mad about it -- but in the end, you did enough to keep us both alive,” she whispers. “Stop beating yourself up.”

 

“I’m _weak_ ,” Ken spits. “That’s the truth of it. I’ve always been weak.You wanted to know why I ate the ghouls? I did it because I’m weak. I did it because it was easier to eat a ghoul than a human. Isn’t that pathetic? All of this time -- and I’m still weak. I still falter -- I still don’t want to kill humans… even when my life is at stake. When _your_ life is at stake.”

 

Touka winces. This wasn’t something that she wanted to hear. “I should have gone, back then,” he continues. “To anteiku.” His meaning is clear enough.

 

He wished that he had gone back to anteiku -- and died.

 

How many times had she felt the same way? How many times had the guilt nearly eaten her alive -- late at night when there was no one with her but her own thoughts. Still, she had been wrong. It was hard to admit that, but there was so much more to live for. Like Yomo-san, Hinami, Even stupid Tsukiyama and his idiotic family -- hell, even Kanae.

 

Ken.

 

And it’s only then that his words anger her enough to want -- no, to need to shut him up. She wants to slap him, to shake him -- to knock sense into him. Instead, she kisses him silent. It’s a hungry kiss -- a searching one, one that fills fire through her veins as her fingers curl in his clothes, nails digging into his skin. She feels him gasp when she finally draws back, pressing her forehead against his.

 

“I said,” she breathes, “Stop it -- stop being a fucking idiot. And listen! Okay?”

 

He stares back at her, lips bruised and eyes owlish -- allowing her to continue.

 

“You don’t have to be strong by yourself,” she says, this time, kissing him again. It’s a peck -- and then there’s a flick of her tongue that has him _melting._ “And I don’t either -- I can -- no, we can -- we can make it work. I can fill in the parts of you that are weak.” His body trembles, lips parting in awe as he looks at her. She cups his cheeks, stroking them with her thumbs. He breathes and she can feel the warmth of it on her lips.  She doesn’t even know what she’s saying anymore -- but god -- how else can she make him understand?

 

“So you don’t have to be so fucking strong all of the time! I can be strong when you’re weak -- okay?”

 

There’s an unreadable look in her eyes, one that is helplessly warm but also very serious. Touka had always kept her eyes trained on him when she spoke to him, with warmth and well meaning. This time was not really different except for the gravity of what she’s saying.

 

She wanted to be his strength. _She’s always been his strength. She’s been strength since he learned what strength truly was._

 

“Okay,” he answers, a deep weight evaporating off of his shoulders. “Okay, you’re right.” And then, he can’t find it in him to not draw her back in for a kiss. It’s slow, simmering as she responds. Her stomach trembles and for a brief moment she wonders if it will always be like this. Being with him, kissing him, comforting him -- _making love with him._

 

She really was turning sappy.

“Of course I am,” She mutters against his lips. “Who else is going to bring you out of your dumb thoughts?” His smile is watery and when he pulls her in to kiss again, it’s much headier. She’s sitting on his lap, straddling his hips. He feels the softness of her skin, the goosebumps that bloom as he strokes his hands higher up to her ass and squeezes it.

 

“It’s always better when we’re together,” he says out loud, nipping on the sensitive skin under her jaw. Her heart almost stops.

 

“Y-Yeah,” she admits. “It is.”

 

She doesn’t want to be anywhere that he wasn’t.

 

It’s a wordless exchange, guiding his hands with hers to her breasts, leaning down to reciprocate his kisses and feeling the sinewy muscles of his in a way she hadn’t before. Everything before this was -- hurried and blind lust. It’s never been this raw or truthful.

 

It almost makes her feel just a little braver.

 

“Here?” He asks, reaching under her shirt and softly unclipping her bra. She shakes her head, sitting back so she can grind against his tent.

 

“Here.” She murmurs. “I want -- this.”

 

His eyes darken understandably. It’s terrifying what she can do to him. Touka stands up, undoing the button of her shorts, sliding it down her legs before mounting him again. He stares at the faded shorts and lifts her up to free his cock.

 

“You’re so hard,” She teases, shimmying her hips.

 

“And you’re so wet,” He growls, craning his head back. She really had no idea what she does to him, does she?

 

Her laughter fills the air. He likes it -- he wants her to laugh like this always. He wants her to always be like this and forget the sorrows of this world.

 

“Yeah,” She admits, leaning down to grind her whole body against his. “I want it _so bad.”_

 

It’s enough to get him to hurry the process. He doesn’t bother taking off his slacks, sliding her panties to the side to check on her progress and he’s met with a delicious wetness.

 

She reaches behind her and grabs a hold of him, stroking him softly from the base to tip. She lifts her hips up to slide him in between her thighs, pressing his cock inside of her panties so she can give him a taste of just how much she wanted this.

“K-Kaneki,” she mewls, rocking her hips. “Please.”

 

After that, Ken loses track of all reason -- all logic. All that matters is Touka -- the way that she sounds, the way that she feels as he pushes the crotch her panties to the side, rubbing the head of his cock along her slit. She’s so slick for him, coating his cock in her juices as he slides up against her. She’s trembling -- and though he could hardly see what she looked like from the dim light of his phone, he could only imagine how nice it must be from how she _felt._ “Now,” she whispers urgently. “Do it now.”

 

“So impatient,” he whispers. “We usually don’t just get right to it, you know,” though he supposed that he could from how wet she felt. She’s dripping right now -- and they had hardly even done anything. Ken shivers -- had she ever felt this ready for him before? It had never felt as though she were lacking in attraction, but now, it was like she couldn’t get him inside of her fast enough.

 

“Fuck that,” Touka growls, capturing his mouth in a kiss that _burned._

 

Time was precious -- after today, it was clear that anything that could happen at any time. Why not take what they could get? Enjoy each other to the fullest while they could? “Fuck me now,” she urges _. “Now!”_

 

God -- he couldn’t argue with her about that, could he?

 

He grips her hip, pumping his cock one, twice, and then a third time before easing it inside of her. She’s clenching hard around his cock -- so hard that he’s gritting his teeth as his cock eases inside of her, inch by inch until he was finally buried. It’s such a relief to be inside of her -- the familiar warmth surrounding him, hugging him tightly and making his head swim with foggy pleasure.

 

Had she ever been this _hungry_ before? It was as though she didn’t want to let go of him. “Fuuuuck,” Touka whines, rolling her hips, taking him deeper inside of her until he has to squeeze them hard -- taking control. “You feel -- good -- so good --”

 

Ken eyelashes flutter, grabbing the back of her neck as he tugs her into a kiss as he helps her bounce on top of him. He can hear the wet, slick sounds of her their bodies joining together -- and the slap of skin against skin each time that she comes down on top of him. It’s a raw feeling, one that builds as hot fire seems to eat at the pit of his stomach. “I was scared--,” Ken admits, loose lipped as her hot cunt squeezes around him, like a vice -- a chain.

 

“I thought -- I thought that you might die --”

 

“Shut up--,” she whispers. “I’m here, right -- I -- _ah -- ah_ \-- I didn’t die,” she shudders as she feels him grab her hips, making her come down onto him, so that their hips are pressed flushed together. Slowly, he grinds his hips against hers -- nice and deep, so that she can feel the tip of his cock brushing right against her cervix, caressing her inner walls. Oh _fuck._

 

“You can’t --,” he groans, hands buried in her hair. She felt so good right now. God -- he’s close.

 

She throws her head back, right before he pulls her down, wrapping his arms around her midsection and biting down on her shoulder before thrusting her down hard. She’s too shocked to respond to the bite or the way he fucks her so hard they she was sure she was going to be really sore later.

 

Then, out of nowhere, it’s like she’s tightened around him like a vice, emitting a soft moan as she cums hard. This in response has him giving in, keeping his lips latched on the bleeding bruise on her shoulder, suckling the supple skin as they move together, completely out of sync and much too sensitized to care.

 

In the wake of their afterglow, he holds her close, apologetically rubbing the deep scar he’s made on her shoulder. He hopes it heals.

 

Though Touka, had something completely different in mind.

 

\--

 

She’s much more skittish.

 

They couldn’t spend the night on the cold hard ground all night, now could they? He didn’t want her to sleep there when so much of the place remains unexplored, so he covers her in his sweater and goes searching through the empty floors until he comes across something that is the barest semblance of comfort.

 

There was a door and some old boxes with paper documents in them. He ruffles through them and finds an old futon. Carefully, he examines it with the light on his phone and makes sure there wasn’t any stench to it.

 

He rolls it out and goes to retrieve her, guiding her up the steps with his phone and holding her hand. She’s very quiet again, but he thinks it to be from fatigue. It’s been a rather long day for the two of them.

 

“It’s not much,” He says, folding up his sweater into a makeshift pillow. “But I think we can survive the night at least.”

 

She nods, slipping off her shoes by the side and sitting down on the flat futon. There’s no blanket but Touka thinks she’ll survive, especially when he gets on behind her, holding her to his chest. She touches the scar curiously again, looking off to a stain on a wall far ahead.

It would -- scar then.

 

Kaneki notices her touching the bite. “I-I’m sorry about that,” He’s rather embarrassed. He’s never lost his cool like that before. There was just something about today that has him making stupid mistakes. He places his fingers on top of the healing wound. “I -- got too excited I think.”

 

The urgency and the desperation really got to him.

 

“-s ok,” She murmurs sleepily. He nuzzles the back of her head, holding her closer. The rain was still coming down outside, flashes of thunder striking in the distance and lighting the room. In the barest parts of his memory, he thinks about the fate they had escaped today. Thankfully, because of Touka’s quick thinking.

 

“It’s -- kind of funny,” She begins out of nowhere, causing him to perk up. “I was just thinking about the night at the church, when we fought Tsukiyama.”

 

He remembers that. They had nearly died that day too. Funny how Tsukiyama has become an ally since.

 

“When I bit your shoulder,” she continues. “Remember how freaked out he got?” It was still hilarious to this day.

 

He smiles because he can hear her smile. “Yeah, I remember that.”

 

Then she’s quiet again, touching the spot, thinking. Something told him she wasn’t done yet.

 

“And you b-bit me today,” She quips, “Kind of like… you were returning the favor.” It’s funny to think that the time she had bit him, taking a piece of his flesh to save everyone in the church -- doing something in a place humans get married.

 

It was kind of -- symbolic? She shakes her head. Kaneki’s stupid books were getting into her head. It had meant nothing then, and it probably means nothing now. He was just overwhelmed.

 

He turns her to face him, placing the lit up phone screen to illuminate the room. “I wouldn’t call it that,” he doubts he could ever return everything she had done for him. At least, not in this lifetime.

 

“Overwhelmed, then?” She wonders, playing with a loose thread on his shirt. “It’s just silly -- but I was thinking about it because giving a bite is - h-how ghouls get married.” His eyes widen a little. “And it’s funny because I bit you in a church,” she adds quickly. “Where humans get married and now, today -- you bit me.”

 

He’s noticed this before but Touka tends to talk when she’s nervous and when she’s really nervous, she tries to play off her thoughts as jokes.

 

“Does that mean we’re married now, then?” He asks, “I think it’s been a while since you bit me.” He tugs the neckline of his shirt and sure enough there is no scar.

 

She looks astonished that he’d ask that, but after a moment of observation, she guesses he was joking. There was no way -- he wouldn’t think that.  
  
“Nah -- I mean, I was just telling you, because ghouls take that stuff seriously and all, and you shouldn’t just go around marking them and --”

 

“I won’t,” He answers. “Marking one ghoul is enough. But Touka-chan, you didn’t answer my question.” She looks at him with a painfully tight smile, cheeks fuming.  
  
“Does that mean we’re married?”

 

Teasing her has since become more fun.

 

She looks very much like a tomato now -- she was so shy! He liked seeing this side of Touka -- a side that others never got a chance to see. It made him fall for her a little more each time he got to see these glimpses of what she was like underneath the armor that she so often wore. “Stop teasing me,” she mutters, becoming more solemn as her hands angrily fist into the fabric of her shorts, bunching it together. “It’s a serious thing -- so don’t do it unless you mean it.”

 

She didn’t think that her heart could take the confusion. Even if they were together, she was under no illusions of what this was -- and marriage… it seemed like too foreign a concept for her to even consider. That was something that her parents did -- something that she had more or less accepted would never happen to her. In fact, she had never even thought that deeply about it -- it hadn’t ever crossed her mind until him.

 

Ken pauses, head tilting as he regards her, smiling fading slightly.

 

“You almost died today,” he then says, jolting her from her thoughts. “And -- it would’ve been my fault.”

 

Touka huffs, annoyed. “Didn’t we discuss this already --,” she blinks as one of his fingers come up to her lips to silence her. His lips twitch, “Just let me explain, okay?”

 

Her cheeks burn. “O-Okay. Get to it already, then. Just stop beating yourself up.” She hated hearing him talk like that about himself, and it only served to make her guilt worse since she knew that she had partly reinforced some of those horrible thoughts inside of his head. She worries her bottom lip with her teeth, watching as he took her hand into his, lacing their fingers together. His smile was gentle now, as though he were looking back on something fondly. “It just -- had me thinking. I don’t want to lose you. Ever. I want to be with you -- wherever you are. When -- when that dove was about to hurt you, that was all that I could think about.”

 

He had said as much earlier, as well, but she can’t fight back the flush that threatens to overtake her entire face. Her skin is drenched in red as he cups her cheek. His hand is warm. “If that’s how ghouls get married,” he says softly, “Then -- I don’t think I’d mind it. Getting married. To you, that is,” he seems to be growing more flustered as he continues to speak, but it’s difficult for Touka to even understand what he is saying to her. She blinks, astonished.

 

“S-Stop joking.”

 

“I’m not,” he says firmly. “If you don’t want to, then that’s fine. But I -- I want to be with you. Only with you.”

 

For a moment, she wonders if she’s dreaming -- or if she’s actually died. Maybe this is a near death hallucination. Perhaps she hadn’t actually made it out from the dove woman’s blade.

 

“B-But,” she can’t control her stutter as she trembles, overwhelmed. “I’m a monster -- a murderer -- you’ve seen that yourself,” she says, unable to to keep her voice from cracking as emotion seizes her throat. “I’m mean -- and angry -- and I can’t even fucking control myself sometimes,” she can’t stop speaking now, the words tumbling out of her mouth as her eyes start to blur.

 

She feels fucking pathetic -- but she can’t stop. “I’m not like Rize -- or Kana. I’m just some fucking awkward ghoul. Why -- why would you want to m-marry --,” she’s choking on a sob now. God, this was lame. He was proposing and she was listing all kinds of reasons that he shouldn’t -- and crying like a damn baby.

 

She trembles as he lifts her face to look at him, wiping her tears away with the tips of his fingers. “You tell me not to beat myself up -- but look at yourself,” he says, frowning. “I don’t think any of those things about you Touka,” he whispers, not even using the honorific. It’s enough to leave her speechless as she gapes at him.

 

“I’m a monster --,”

 

“If you are, then what does that make me?” He asks with a somber laugh. “You’re beautiful -- and kind -- warm hearted. You protect the people that you love with a determination that I admire. And I --,” he pauses, before smiling again at her, eyes soft.

 

“I love you. Why wouldn’t I want to marry you?”

 

Touka’s blubbering now -- sobbing in a way that was probably disgusting to look at, and so she covers her face with her hands as her shoulders shaken. She can feel him wrapping his arms around her, pulling her close. “What do you want to do, Touka?”

 

_What do I want?_

 

The answer was obvious when he put it like that. She wanted it even if one of them might die tomorrow -- or the week after that -- or the next month -- or year. She wanted it even if it was a horrible idea, even if they grew sick of each other in a matter of years. She wanted it so badly that the desire is nearly strangling her as joy bursts inside of her chest.

 

“Yes,” she gasps, kissing him in excitement. “Yes, I want to marry you -- you stupid -- stupid--,” she bursts into tears again and laughter that fills the entire room as Ken runs his fingers through her hair.

 

“Then,” he says, removing his shirt, “Should we get to it?”

 

\--

 

To Touka, this is almost like a dream. Not so much astonishment in that she and Kaneki reciprocate each other’s feelings as much as she’s awed at the scar that adorn both their skin now. She lays on her side, devoid of clothing, much like he is. Sleepily threading her fingers through his hair, watching as his spidery lashes flutter and his kiss swollen lips whistle from his light sleep.  
  
It’s -- not something she had ever imagined. Having something so powerful and terrifying, though also beautiful.

 

He wants to be with her, as much as she wanted to be with him.

 

“Get some sleep,” He murmurs, enveloping her in his arms. “We’ve had a long day.” His voice is slurring from sleep. She was in a similar state, even though the pure nerves of what had occurred in the last few hours kept her body awake.

 

They had been fighting and now -- after that horrible ordeal -- they’re _married._

 

It sets in then, just like that. They were married. Sworn to each other under the watchful eyes of whatever higher power there must exist out there, for this happiness couldn’t have been possible without it.

 

He soothes his fingers through her hair, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead. “Sleep,” and so, she does.

 

\--

 

The next day, just before the sun rises, the two set out for the new safehouse the Tsukiyama’s have procured. Of course there was no telling if the CCG knew anything about Shuu and his household, but Mirumo-san had thought of not taking such a risk. It would be best if they all laid low for now.

 

In another lavish house.

 

“This is the place, then?” Kaneki asks, looking over the behemoth of a manor. He was thinking that it would be something more… inconspicuous. This mansion looked far too out of place in the sea of trees and low grasslands. It was further out of Tokyo, far enough to ensure safety but looking as obvious as that pink limousine Kanae had driven that day when Yomo and her were fleeing danger.

 

“He’s just like his dumbass son then,” Touka scoffs, though her tone holds far less malice then one would expect when she’s speaking about Shuu. “They wouldn’t know what low profile is if it hit them in the face.”

 

He laughs at that, agreeing that the Tsukiyama’s were a strange and proud bunch like that.

 

“So?” He holds out his hand, a crooked smile adorning his lips. “Shall we go?”

 

She takes his hand, surprised at herself, once ago -- she might have been more coy about this. Wanting to keep it a secret for as long as she can, just to avoid the strange teasing she would get from everyone.

 

But now, that simply was not the case. _This life is far too short for that. She doesn’t want to lose a minute of their time together._

 

“Yeah,” She squeezes his hand with hers. “Let’s go.”

 

\--

 

_“I love her, I want to be with her for as long as I can be.”_

 

_“We -- I married Touka-chan.”_

 

They’re staring at a sea of wide eyes before full conversation erupts in their midst. Touka wants to take her previous observations back. She wanted the whole ground to just swallow her up whole and yet -- there could be no better feeling than this. She peers up at Kaneki, seeing his embarrassed and proud smile, the flushed cheeks she’s kissed so often darkened by the people approaching him and her in congratulations.

She clasps her hand tighter in his then. There was no place she’d rather be than right here next to him.

 

Yomo looks them over, approaching them last. He was a quiet man of such few words but Touka had always known of how protective he was of her. And, how much he liked Kaneki as well.

 

He wordlessly gives them both a hug, taking them by surprise and then -- they return it.

 

_He really was such a softie._

 

\--  
  
Touka had thought that would be the end of it.

 

They had gotten married, had told everyone about it and now they were all going to go back to the usual routine. Not much was going to change, she had thought. She would probably move with him to a bigger room, they would share spaces, words, pasts and plans for the future. Just the thought of it has her bubbling with excitement. A family -- a fate that was now entwined with her own. A bond that would remain even long after the two of them had died.

 

Though -- she hadn’t thought that a _ceremony_ would be a part of it.

 

Much less, one that Kaneki was so happy to have, convincing her day and night that he wanted a celebration, no matter how small. Apparently, Tsukiyama had cornered him with tear filled eyes, demanding that he be allowed to throw them an actual wedding ceremony.

 

 _“We must!” he cried. “You must let me have at least this, Kaneki-kun! If not a taste of your flesh, then this is the only thing that I could hope for!” He was very dramatic as he then threw himself to the ground in what seemed like a parody of his normal bows. Then, Kanae seemed to cry right on cue._ “ _Are you going to make the young master,_ **_beg?_ ** _!”_

 

_It was settled after that._

 

It is then that it dawns on her -- this was _real_ . It wouldn’t just be a private biting ceremony that many ghouls before her had done for generations. Had her parents had an actual public ceremony? She didn’t know, but it’s something that she wished that she could now ask one of them. She wanted to ask so _much._ Was it normal to feel as though she were in a dream? For her stomach to be tied completely in knots? Was her mother also filled with an equal parts terror and intense affection? Did her father want to run both to and from his spouse to be?

 

Of course, she could ask none of these questions, but she smiles bittersweetly. Wherever they were -- she was at least sure that the bitemarks were still etched into their skin -- A token of something that would never be erased, not in time and especially not in death. Touka touches her shoulder. She had that same mark now, too.

 

She didn’t need the ceremony -- but it also wasn’t something that she minded. It was going to be something they would share with others as witness -- That they love each other and wanted to spend their lives with one another. It was sappy as hell, but right now, it felt as though she could revel in it.

 

It’s a day before the ceremony when a thought strikes her. Kaneki had been human before he met her -- and humans didn’t marry with bite marks. No -- they married with something else, didn’t they? Worrying her lip with her teeth she thinks -- and thinks before coming to a decision.

 

Yes. She would do this for him.

 

She asks him, “We’ll need rings, right?” She murmurs, “For the wedding?” Kaneki’s face falls at her question. He hadn’t remembered that part at all. It was too risky to go back to Tokyo now. He looks so dejected -- as though he had somehow messed up. “Hey,” Touka laughs, “I’m not mad -- I’m just asking because… humans get married with rings, right?”

 

His earnest desire to please her dissipates some of her own anxiety about what she was about to do. Ken blinks at her, and then smiles nervously. “We do -- but if -- if you don’t want to, then we don’t need rings. The bite should be enough --” he continues to ramble -- an adorable habit that he displayed when he was anxious. He doesn’t even notice as she digs through her rucksack and pulls out something small from one of the pockets.

 

She holds it out on her palm --  two simple golden bands in a silver chain.

 

“They belonged to my parents, I’ve been -- holding onto them for all these years because they had been a source of strength for me.” She takes one of the rings out and presses the chained ring into his palm. “Now they’ll be your strength too.”

 

He looks at the ring, mystified, squinting his eyes to read the smaller inscription on the inner band. _Arata and Hikari._

 

“So now we don’t need to worry about the rings either,” She says with a smile.

 

_I really love her._

  
“Then we should do this right too,” He says softly, taking the ring she’s holding and slipping it onto her ring finger. She looks down at the glimmer and stares back with an unreadable look in her eyes.

 

“T-Then I should help you wear that,” She says quickly, taking the necklace away from him and spinning him around so she can fasten it -- avoiding him so he doesn’t have to see her burning face right now.

 

\--

 

Saying that the wedding ceremony was building up to being extravagant was putting it lightly.

 

True to his word, Tsukiyama was working hard on throwing them a massive and elegant event. This only served to fully convince Touka that neither the man or his entire family had any clue what “discretion” was. The entire backyard of the Tsukiyama’s newest manor was being set up -- there was an elaborate stage being built, all on Shuu’s orders as chairs were brought out one by one. There were a lot of them.

 

“Eh?” Touka asks, eyes widening. “Who are all of those chairs for?” That were way more than way would seat the entire Tsukiyama, the staff, and all of the other ghouls residing at the manor. Even she’s sure that she doesn’t know all of these people -- and she’s sure as hell certain that Ken didn’t either. Shuu gives her a withering look, as though the answer was the most obvious thing in the world. “This is a _special_ occasion, Kirishima-san.” He was speaking to her as though reprimanding a puppy.

 

Her eye twitches.

 

“That didn’t answer my question you _fucking --”_

 

“It’s for all of the guests!” Shuu cries, ignoring her in order to spread out his arms. “My family is well connected -- and I just knew that this was an event that others must also witness,” he continues to go on -- even though there was nothing but pure stupidity coming out of his mouth. “Kaneki-kun deserves the best -- he deserves to be surrounded by those who can truly _appreciate_ this occasion for what it is!”

 

“And what the hell is that supposed to mean?” She hisses, about to invade Shuu’s space when a soft hand on her shoulder stops her. She stares at the hand -- and then up at Ken, who had somehow snuck up behind her. She must not have noticed him while yelling. “Don’t be that way, Touka-chan!” He says, and he sounds far more excited that she was used to him seeming. His eyes were bright -- as though he were talking about one of his precious books  No -- he seemed even more excited than that.

 

Her heart races -- eyes locking onto the ring that was hanging from his neck.

 

“A big wedding could be fun,” he chirps -- and at that all dissent flies out the window. She flushes, cheeks reddening as she stares down at her feet. “Yeah, it could be,” she murmurs in agreement.

Tsukiyama also lights up as though that was exactly what he wanted to hear. Then, he bursts into an almost hysterical laugh, almost as though on cue. “Kaneki-kun! I’m so happy -- so happy that I could be of use to you!” He bows low, making Touka’s eyes narrow, but looking at Kaneki keeps her from making a snide comment. He just looked so happy.

 

God -- she was such a sap.

 

“Thank you, Tsukiyama-san,” Ken says warmly. “I know that the party will be incredible!” Those were the magic words as Shuu gasps, falling into another low bow. “It really is the least that I can do,” the older man says, more quietly this time, eyes softening. It catches Touka off guard. He seemed a far cry from the man who had stalked both she and her brother before repeating that interaction on her now Husband.

 

It seems as though he had softened, too. Perhaps Kaneki just had that effect on others. Gently, she reaches for Ken’s hands, lacing their fingers. “Yeah, I guess it does look pretty nice,” she admits.

 

Tsukiyama laughs. “The pleasure is all mine, Kirishima-san.”

 

\--

 

Kanae and Hinami help to dress her and do her make up -- which actually isn’t nearly as much as a shit show as she thought that it would be. Hinami was chipper, chatting animatedly as she painted her face, and Kanae was strangely professional as he helped her into the rather complicated outfit that Shuu had picked out for her. “This doesn’t seem like a wedding dress,” she murmurs, thinking that it was nothing like what she had seen in those Western movies -- or even in some magazines.

 

Kanae sucks his teeth. “This is traditional,” he explains. “Many of the old ghouls who first came to Tokyo often wore that -- while many other ghouls seem to have forgotten, the Tsukiyamas are an old family who keeps these traditions alive,” he sounded snotty as usual, but Touka doesn’t rise to the bait as she looks at herself in the mirror. She almost doesn’t recognize herself. Her skin had been dusted with a pale foundation, and her eyeshadow done in a dark in a light and vibrant red that called attention to her eyes. Her lips were wanted a dark red. Fuck -- was that really her?

 

The person in the mirror looked more like a model of some sort. Hinami squeals. “You look so beautiful!” She says, giving her a hug. “Onii-chan is going to be really happy!”

 

Was he?

 

Her heart flutters. God -- why was she getting so jittery? Even her hands were trembling! They were already married -- this was nothing to get so worked up about.

 

“And wait!” Kanae says urgently.

 

“What?” She asks, annoyed, as Kanae leans over her, pulling her bangs out of her eyes. “Hey!” She complained, only to have him swat her hand as though she were a naughty child, trying to reach for a treat that they weren’t supposed to have. She almost sways him right back until he holds her chin, using a comb to carefully part her hair in the simple. “There,” he says, looking satisfied.

 

“I suppose that even you can look beautiful without all of that hair in your face.”

 

“I’m going to kill you -- you fucking --”

 

“He’s right onee-chan!” Hinami says, “It’s your wedding! You should wear your hair like this!”

 

Looking in the mirror, Touka can’t deny that she looks good -- especially with the ornate circlet that he placed on her head. Hinami hugs her, squeezing her tightly. “Congratulations, Onee-chan!” She says, her voice brimming with affection.

 

She can already feel her eyes beginning to water.

 

“T-Thank you.”

 

\--

 

The actual ceremony doesn’t take too long. The rites are performed, they exchange vows and then kiss. A nice mix of tradition (as Tsukiyama says) and modern western practices. Touka thinks he’s absolutely lying; there was no way to know what the first Ghouls of Tokyo did about marriage and every ghoul since then is far too removed from the practices to keep up.

 

But in the end, she appreciates it. It’s a nice sentiment and despite the fact that there were far more strangers in her wedding than she would have liked, it’s worth everything in the world to sit next to him, hand in hand. Knowing, they were actually, _really_ married.

 

“Are you happy?” He asks. The ceremony is over, the hall is clearing up with all the guests busying themselves with the blood wine and dancing.

 

Touka looks up at him, eyes shining under the garden lights the staff had strung up. In this moment, they’re offered some privacy from others. He thinks they must look ridiculous in their wedding garb but it sure makes him giddy that he was able to have a wedding such as this.

 

“I am,” She answers quietly, inching her hand closer to his before coming to a pause. “Are you?”

 

This could all just be a misunderstanding, that’s her biggest fear, that he was just doing all this because _she_ wanted to. That he was compromising for her sake.

 

“I am,” He replies, releasing a cathartic exhale. Pulling her closer and taking her hand in his. “I’m so happy that you said yes to me.” He picks her hand up and kisses the back of it, looking at her with soft eyes. And as if all the pressure melts away at his assurance, she leans her head on his shoulder.  
  
“You’re so corny.”

 

\--

 

Marriage does not change much between them. The only exception being that they now lived in a place of their own, in one of the reclusive wards of Tokyo. Touka had not wanted to leave the safe house and on some level, Ken agreed with her.

 

But the reality of it was that they had to move on. Past Anteiku, past the death of the investigator they faced and start anew.

 

That was how it was for ghouls. You keep trying until there was nothing left.

 

Their place was a small-ish one bedroom, modest and slowly filling up with things like a dining set, potted plants, two separate bookshelves and the likes.

 

Tsukiyama complains that the place was too small. “At least, look at some of the listings I have sent you.”

 

Touka is _this close_ to pouring the coffee on his expensive slacks. “I’m not looking at anything, what the hell are we going to do with a 4 bedroom town house?!”

 

He does not look perturbed. “So you would rather live like this?” he asks, lifting his hands as if disgusted. “In this squalor?”

 

Oh screw it, she’s going to hit him with the carafe at this rate --

 

“Tsukiyama-san,” Ken interrupts, looking away from his laptop, “I told you, we’re okay!” It pisses Touka off that he can get the older man to lay off the subject with that little. Shuu seems to deflate slightly, pouting. “I don’t think that I’ve seen a person who doesn’t want a better life for themselves? Who wants to live in poverty when you could have it all--” He blinks, noticing the sour looks that both she and Ken were giving him and stops himself. He clears his throat, smiling at the two of them.

 

“Of course, it is your choice, however! But -- I do have some suggestions to make this into an even more stellar home--”

 

Shuu then spends some time critiquing the interior decorating Touka has done, ending every sentence with _‘this would have looked nicer in a bigger home’_ and she was _convinced_ that he was intentionally trying to piss her off. She couldn’t believe the nerve of this asshole -- but, thankfully, she was beginning to tune him out. Her only blessing was that he had left Kanae back home. The two of them together would’ve been more than she could bear. She definitely would’ve snapped.

 

“Papa misses the both of you -- as does Kanae and Matsumae,” Shuu says with another pout. “You’ll need to come and visit -- Yomo-san and Hinami-chan are still with us, of course -- but it’s just not the same,” he trails off, eyes growing distant. Ken gives him a small smile, squeezing his shoulder. “We can’t all stay together forever,” he says softly. “You know that, Tsukiyama-san -- and we made sure to pick this place close by.”

 

Shuu sighs, “Still -- you won’t allow us to help you at all? How cruel of you, Kaneki-san. Though, I do like that part of you,” his words make Ken laugh, while Touka sneers. “Stop saying gross things to my husband,” she nearly swats him, but Tsukiyama simply laughs and dodges her swing. “You have quite the vulgar wife, Kaneki-kun -- but that’s what makes her cute, isn’t it?”

 

She flushes -- this time chasing after the older man as he laughs. Ken’s eyes soften, watching the two of them. This was his family -- a home. He didn’t think that he would ever actually have one. His entire life, he had been alone. Of course, there had been Hide, but there had always been a wall up between the two of them. A wall that he had erected and Hide had never tried to scale for fear of pushing him away. It was a wall that Touka and the others had somehow been able to smash straight through.

 

A family -- _his_ family.

 

It was everything that he had ever wanted. Everything -- and yet, this happiness only brought an even greater sense of anxiety -- of dread.

 

What if it was -- all -- ripped -- away?

 

\---

 

Tsukiyama is about to leave when he taps his shoulder. “Kaneki-kun?” He looks surprised. “Is there something else that you need?” His eyes then brighten. “Have you decided that you’re going to get a bigger house?!”

 

Ken smirks, “No -- nothing like that,” he comments. He really was focused on that, wasn’t he? “There’s something else that I need to speak to you about,” his smile falls, growing more serious as he regards the older man with a direct look. One that penetrates. “I need to speak to you about something important,” he pauses. “And I don’t want Touka-chan to know about this at all.” He can see Tsukiyama’s expression growing more solemn. He crosses his arms over his chest.

 

“Are you sure about that?”

 

Ken nods. It would be better this way. She didn’t need to know about what he was thinking. It was better that she didn’t know -- if only to keep her safe. She could’ve died during their fight with that dove. It was a thought that had gone through his mind often since it had first occurred. No -- she would’ve died had he not have acted when he did -- and it would’ve been all of his fault.

 

“I’m very sure.”

 

“Sure about what?” He hears Touka from behind him, coming out of their small kitchen. She smirks when she sees Shuu’s jacket on. “Leaving already?” She asks, sounding far too pleased with herself. Shuu ignores her grin, giving her a small, but elegant bow. “Yes, I’m afraid that I must part with you both -- but you will always be ever present in my thoughts!”

 

“Gross.”

 

Then, she glances at Kaneki, “Are you going, too?” Ever the observant one, wasn’t she? He walks towards her, wrapping a single arm around her waist and pulling her into an affectionate embrace. “I just have to talk to him about something,” He promises, gently kissing her forehead. “Do you want me to bring anything?”

 

Touka shakes her head, wrapping her arms around him. _Talk to him about what?_ She wonders. She can feel his restlessness, being unable to do things always made him stir crazy, it was the same for her after all. However, it still made her nervous -- the move, living on their own and how good everything has been lately. She couldn’t stop herself from thinking that it would only be a matter of time before things descended into total chaos.

 

\--

 

“What did you wish to discuss?” Shuu asks the moment that they have walked a suitable enough distance from the apartment.

 

Ken licks his lips -- thinking. It takes him a moment to collect his thoughts.

 

“The world -- it’s still a dangerous place, isn’t it?” He asks as the two of them near a small river bank near the apartment building. They cross over the bridge as he stops, leaning his back against the railing. He looks upwards, towards the pale light of the moon shining above them. The moon was full tonight, casting the world beneath it in erie, translucent glow. “Ghouls have enemies everywhere. The Doves...other ghouls,” his eyes harden, hands clenching, “--And Aogiri.”

 

Shuu watches him, listening to him carefully. All traces of his normal silliness were gone as he sighs. “You speak as though you intend to do something about that.”

 

A pause.

 

“Perhaps I do.”

 

“Kaneki-kun,” Shuu says, stopping him before he could continue speaking.  “I believe that we’ve spoken about this before. I told you that I wouldn’t stand behind you as you endanger yourself any longer --”

 

“It’s not about endangering myself,” Ken shoots back. “It’s about protecting everyone! We’re all still in hiding -- but how long will that last before the doves track us down again? Or before aogiri expands to this area?” He demands, standing firm and looking Shuu directly in the eye. The other man doesn’t speak. “How long are we going to allow Kanou to continue his experiments? You even had to relocate from your home.It can all be ripped away again in a moment. Do you really want to keep living like that?”

 

Shuu doesn’t give him an answer, though his eyes were pained.

 

“Kaneki-kun,” he says, voice soft. He places a hand over his heart before kneeling down before him. “As always, I am your sword -- but I made a promise to myself,” he then stands and bows his head down low. “The world is dangerous, yes,” he says.  “This is especially true for those like us. Even my family isn’t immune to the dangers -- but there is difference in preparing yourself for those dangers and throwing yourself straight into them, _mon ami.”_

 

Ken’s eyes harden.  
  
“So you won’t help me?”  
  
Shuu doesn’t answer his question, instead posing his own. “Does Kirishima-san know what you’re trying to do?”

 

Ken flinches, averting his eyes and looking back down at his feet. “It’s _because_ of her that I need to do this.”

 

“Have you asked her what she even thinks about this? If I know anything about her, she’d be against this. She is, isn’t she?”  
  
“She doesn’t know.”

 

“As I thought,” Shuu presses his fingers the bridge of his nose in frustration. “As a courtesy to you, I won’t tell her anything -- but you should reconsider this, Kaneki-kun,” he reaches out, squeezing Ken’s shoulder in a gesture that was meant to be reassuring. However, it only leaves Ken feeling all the more colder. “I must take my leave, but please think about what I said,” he says. He lifts his hand, giving a short wave that Ken doesn’t return as he walks away.

 

Perhaps Shuu was right.  
  
The only reason that he had kept this from Touka was because he knew that she wouldn’t approve, but this also was something that he couldn’t just drop. They lived in a world that was completely against ghouls -- where ghouls were hunted indiscriminately. His goal had always been a short sighted one. He wanted to protect those that he loved, and some of those people happened to be ghouls, but how could he when the world around them was hellbent on destroying those loved ones?

 

It wasn’t something that he could let go -- even if he was taking it on alone.

 

_I’m sorry, Touka-chan._

 

\--

 

When he returns home, Touka is already dozing off on their couch. An edition of _Margaret_ opened and face down on her chest, she only has on a thin shirt that looked suspiciously like it belonged to him and a thin fleece throw that made her feet stick out.

 

She looks adorable, hair splayed under her and mouth agape as she slept.

 

He slips his shoes onto the rack and quickly changes into his pajamas after freshening up.

 

“Touka-Chan,” he shakes her gently. “Let’s go to bed.”

 

She makes a noncommittal noise, turning over into her side and flashing her cute strawberry printed panties.

 

_Teasing, as usual._

 

“I’m going to pull a prank on you—“

 

He climbs onto the couch, spooning her, knowing that if he stuck to her enough, she’d be hot and aggravated enough to wake up.

 

But it seemed the space on the couch cushions were enough tonight. She moves, mildly and only enough to adjust his hand on her body.

 

“You’re going to make us squeeze on this instead of our spacious bed.”

 

“It’s big enough for me, shitty Kaneki.” She mumbles, falling back into deep sleep again.

 

“You just don’t want me to get handsy with you,” he teases, burying his face in her hair.

 

Unfortunately for Touka, his master plan works and she’s unsticking her limbs from his with expletives falling out of her lips. He only laughs (she hates that marriage has ruined her scare factor) and carries her back to bed.

 

—

 

Things are wonderful at home — so much, that it’s almost easy to forget about the tragedy happening outside.

 

Almost.

 

It’s an ever present niggling thought in the back of his mind -- something telling him to stay on guard, to remain ever vigilant. Even with Touka it was growing more difficult to relax. Without Tsukiyama’s help, he sends a message to Itori, and he’s pleased to see that she responds to him with an opportunity to make a comeback in his anti-Aogiri activities the following week.

 

Apparently, there was an auction.

 

 _An Auction for what,_ he types, though knowing some of the more savage ghouls, he didn’t have to wonder too hard. Itori’s response is cutting and to the point, _For humans, of course. Many ghouls keep them as pets. Or for a steady supply of food._

 

Ken’s eyes harden.

 

It was another reminder of all that was wrong with the world. For all of the ghouls who were just trying to live, like the ghouls of anteiku, Hinami-chan, or Touka -- there were ghouls who took pleasure in causing their prey to suffer unnecessarily. His hands ball into fist as he closes his eyes, mind drifting back to his own experience with one such ghoul.

 

 _1000 - 7 is_ **_w h a t?_ **

_Don’t forget why you’re doing this, Kaneki._

 

**He wouldn’t.**

 

He thinks of the mother and child who Jason had murdered before him -- all because he hadn’t made a choice. What if Touka had been in a situation like that? Left at the mercy of some monster with a sadistic streak? He growls cold, numb as he thinks --

 

And thinks --

 

Ghouls like that were the kinds of ghouls who frequented human auctions too, weren’t they? If it was a ghoul like that, then killing them would be no problem. Even torture would be fine for a monster like that. Though, what sort of punishment would fit a crime that heinous. Jason might’ve suggested using pliers -- or even a centipede. Ken isn’t sure what he would use, but he thinks that he would have to be something much **_worse._ **

 

**_Crack!_ **

 

He types his next message to Itori quickly, _Will aogiri be there?_

 

_I can’t say for sure. Sometimes they send bodyguards to ensure that the auction proceeds smoothly._

 

Was that so?

 

Though he wasn’t sure how much of this information was reliable —  Itori was well known for her schemes, after all. She would want something in return if it did turn out to pan out, but it was a risk that he had to take. Still, this information was promising. Even if there weren’t many aogiri members there, if it there was even  one executive, challenging them would draw out the bigger fish in charge.

 

Perhaps even the _One Eyed King_?

 

\--

 

There was something off about Ken.

 

Touka recognizes it the moment that it happens -- he’s drawing into himself again, becoming more secretive, getting that restless, almost wild look in his eye again. She doesn’t like it one bit. He still hadn’t told her what he had spoken to Tsukiyama about -- and he had even begun bringing Banjou and his two lackeys around again. She had tried to needle Tsukiyama about what Ken had spoken to her about, but the annoying man had been rather tight lipped about it, only saying, _“I’m sure Kaneki-kun will tell you in due time,”_ though even he hadn’t looked completely convinced of that fact.

 

Even worse, he seemed to be assaulted by nightmares almost every night, waking up in a cold sweat, but never telling her about what he had dreamed.

 

_Why is this happening again?_

 

She bites on the tip of her thumb, watching him as he sat in their living room, reading through one of his books. He had taken to wearing reading glasses, claiming that his eyesight had begun to get worse. She had thought that they had managed to break down the last of the barriers between them, but it seemed as though Ken were quite good at erecting new ones at the drop of a dime.

 

It was a good thing that she was well accustomed to being a bulldozer.

 

“Kaneki,” she says when she can’t take the quiet anymore. She puts down her copy of _Margaret Monthly_ and goes to sit beside him on the couch. He smiles at her, sitting up so that she could slide against him. He’s warm, just as he always is -- and it almost makes her think that perhaps she was just being paranoid again. Perhaps she was just insecure, though she knows that she at least has to ask. “Are you alright?”

 

His lips thin -- a minor tick, something that she might not have noticed had she not gotten so attune to studying him. He’s still smiling as he answers, “Everything’s fine, Touka-chan.”  
  
“You’ve been having nightmares lately,” she says, deciding to take this approach rather than just rushing in as she normally did. “I’m just worried about you.”

 

His smile softens as he pulls her against him, arm wrapping around her waist. He kisses her temple. “I’m fine,” he affirms again. “The nightmares -- they happen. But I’m really okay.” He touches his chin, softly, and she watches the action and can’t help but feel as though she’s been stabbed in the gut.

 

A lie.

 

“I don’t like getting sappy and shit,” she mutters. “But I’m your wife now. Can’t you at least be honest with me? It’s my job to listen to shit like that. Like your worries -- your fears.”

 

He can see her growing more flustered the longer he stayed silent. Feeling foolish from bringing it up or something and that was the last thing he wanted her to ever feel like. He never wanted her to think he was hiding anything from her - but how could he tell her the truth? When he knew for certain that she would be against it.  
  
She would remind him how dangerous it was and how they had decided, as a team, to not do anything to draw any unnecessary attention onto themselves.

 

“Why do you think I’m being dishonest with you?” He poses instead, wondering if she really knew him that well or if he was just a bad liar. When it comes to Touka, it was hard to say -- she was always so perceptive.

 

She gives a huff. “I wasn’t born yesterday, Kaneki, and you’re also a shit liar.” She’s playing with the hem of her shorts. “I won’t bring it up if it’s nothing but you’d tell me, right?” She asks, eyes focusing onto his.  
  
“You’d tell me if you were planning to do something?”

 

That was...difficult to answer.  
  
“I would…” He concedes, putting his novel down and bringing her onto his lap. “You’d always be the first to know.”

 

This seems to put her at some ease, from the way her body begins to ease from the tense state she was in previously. She rests her head against his.  
  
“I don’t know with you, Kaneki. You’re really full of shit sometimes.” He laughs, not entirely disagreeing with her.

 

“I just don’t want us to misunderstand each other again,” She says, straightening up, stroking his cheek with her thumbs, playing with the soft ends of his hair as he leans into her touch. She cups his face and kisses him on the lips.

 

It’s almost enough to make him abandon his plans. Almost.

 

But a world good enough for her outweighed the feeling of the very moment. Even if she’s mad at him, she would understand. Touka **always** did.

 

Just because they’ve found a semblance of happiness, it didn’t outdo all that was wrong in this world.

“We won’t,” He reassures her, bringing her back down to kiss her. And he says it with enough conviction to put her at ease.

 

\--

 

The next day, at a quarter to five, he holds a meeting with his group in an abandoned lot, 20 minutes from Commercial Tokyo. Touka had found a new job and was excited to join the workforce after a whole month of being cooped up in the apartment with him. So Ken took this as good a time as any to hold a meeting with his group.

 

“Thanks for coming everyone,” He takes a seat in some displaced metal stairs as everyone nods in acknowledgement. He had not shared anything with them yey, wanting to unload the possibility to the whole of the group and then come to a consensus together.

 

“A source of mine told me that Aogiri is on the move again,” He begins. “Now I’m not sure how much of it I can trust as -- they’ve fallen into a kind of lull after the raid.”

 

But obviously, it’s not long before everyone would start mobilizing again.

 

Banjou raises his hand. “Who was the source, Kaneki-san?”

 

He’s slightly taken aback by the direct question. Well, he should tell them.  
  
“Itori-san.” He answers honestly and he can already tell that the air has changed a little. “I know it seems a little - off -- but I was hoping we could look into the matter. Especially with some of us knowing Aogiri’s patterns already.”

 

“What kind of mobilization are they doing?” Banjou asked curiously. Ken is quick to answer, “Tsukiyama-san had told me from his time in the Gourmet circles, that Aogiri have certain activities they’re willing to perform in hopes of making some money.”

 

Ken pauses. “That’s...kind of what Itori-san told me, also. That sometimes, the executives take on bodyguard work for money. I wasn’t too sure but now that you’ve confirmed it, I think we can look a little further into the matter.”

 

The question now being whether there was any upcoming events within the Gourmet circles. While Shuu wouldn’t be helping them (surprisingly holding firm to his position), his father had agreed to find out what he could from some of his contacts and forward him the information

 

He looks over at the rest of the group. “That’s all then, find out what you can before we re-group.”

 

And with the meeting adjourned, he takes the train back to the small Ward he and Touka lived at. He decides to surprise her at work, an hour or so before she’s supposed to be getting off. She had picked up a part time job at a human run cafe as a barista in order to help out with bills even though Shuu and his family kept most of them handled. She insisted, saying that she would at least want spending money for herself. She didn’t want to be _that_ indebted to Shittyama, as she called it.

 

She goes over to him, her heels clicking on the marble tiles. She looks damn good in her uniform.  
  
“Can I get you anything, sir?” She asks, a sultry smile pulling on her lips.

 

It wouldn’t be a lie to say that he’s imagined this scenario before. Touka in a cute, _tight_ uniform and heels that oddly reminded him of their time together at Anteiku. It’s really shame he didn’t make a move before.

 

“You,” He answers, liking the way she seems to redden at his direct answer.

 

Her laugh is perfectly suited for a stranger, “I’m afraid I’m not on the menu.”

 

He glances at the menu then, clicking his tongue, “Pity, I guess I’ll just settle on two coffees and your company then.”  

 

Touka smirks, leaning over the counter.

 

“I’ll see what I can have arranged.”

 

\--

 

The day of the auction comes much faster than he could have anticipated.

 

He still doesn’t have all of the information that he needed. While Shuu’s father had confirmed some of his information, given that he and his family were no longer apart of the gourmet circles, there was only so much that the other man was able to do. Likewise, Banjou and his friends had only been able to find out so much. Itori had been tight lipped about giving out anything else with nothing in return, as well.

 

 _“Let’s see if you find out anything interesting at the auction -- or if your little plan even works before I decide to involve myself anymore,”_ she had stated on the phone -- and that had been that.

 

No matter.

 

He’s able to tell Touka that he would be going out for the evening with Banjou in order to catch up. “We’re going to karaoke,” he lies, rubbing his chin as he does. He sees her smile twitch, but her expression doesn’t falter. Instead, she closes her eyes and stands on the balls of her toes in order to kiss them. He moves to pull back, but she grabs the lapels of his coat, tugging him forward and pressing her lips even harder against his. After that, he loses track of time somewhat. Her lips are soft -- but also insistent, as though she didn’t want to release him. It’s not until the both of them are gasping for air that they finally separate.  
  
“Come back soon,” Touka says, voice thick.  
  
For a moment, he considers dropping the entire endeavor -- taking his wife back to bed, wrapping himself into her body and forgetting all about this. It’s a tempting idea, but the idea of losing this -- of losing _her_ is far too strong for him to back down.

 

“I’ll be back soon,” he promises -- though he knows that he won’t be. This could possibly take all night. Touka smirks, this time lightly punching his shoulder lightly. He chuckles, rubbing it. “You’d better be,” she says, giving him a quick peck on the lips.  
  
He smiles, waving as he leaves their apartment. When the door closes he sends a text to his group.

 

_Let’s do this._

 

\--

 

Touka waits several minutes, leaning against the door as she listens to Ken leaving. When she’s sure that he’s gone, she moves quickly, sliding on a dark black coat, her mask and a neon pink wig.  
  
Something was going on. It was clear that he wasn’t telling her something.

 

And she was going find out _what._

 

_\--_

 

It had been some time since she had last hunted. Shuu’s family took care of most food needs and ghouls didn’t need to eat as often as humans did. One body could keep them going for an entire month before they required food again. Kanae had often come by to drop off food to their home whenever it was needed, and life had been much more peaceful for her. It was a strange lull that she wasn’t in anyway used to.

 

She should have figured that something would shake up her nice little routine.

 

And of course -- it was Ken.

 

He was stubborn, as stubborn as she was and he wasn’t the type to leave _anything_ alone. She had seen the restlessness in his eyes about a month after they had been married.

 

She’s not sure why he continued to think that she didn’t know when he was lying to her.

 

Tracking people wasn’t difficult. It was something that had come naturally to her from a young age. And with her kagune, it seemed only right that this would be one of her skills. She watches Ken from a distance. He had abandoned his car not far from their house, walking the rest of the way to his destination.

 

Definitely up to no good.

 

It pisses her off.

 

 _You promised that you wouldn’t do this again!_ She thinks, furious. He had lied to her -- again. It seemed as though that would be a running theme in their relationship -- Ken keeping things from her, all in an effort to protect her.

 

He makes it to an abandoned parking lot before she sees Banjou and two other men arrive, both of them wearing gas masks.

 

Her kagune stirs, roaring to life as she uses her wings to propel her up to the rooftops quietly. She would need to be discrete as she followed him. It was a good thing that Hinami wasn’t with Ken. She would’ve been able to detect her, but Ken had only seen fit to bring Banjou, and two of the idiots who followed Banjou around. She didn’t see Tsukiyama with him, which she hadn’t expected.

 

They were talking about something, though she couldn’t make up anything from this high up.

 

But moving closer that this would compromise her position. So she waits, until they’ve both gone inside, with Banjou’s lackeys following them and that’s when she gets close enough to peer in.

 

It looked to be some...gathering? All these people dressed so nicely, out of place in this abandoned lot. They were even wearing masks, making her think it was some kind of masquerade or something. If she were less knowing of the company her husband kept, she would be baffled.

 

But this -- she knew exactly what this was.

 

_Ghoul Restaurant._

 

She waits a little while longer before following them in, making sure to create a distance. Ken was very good at picking up on things and she didn’t want to give him the opportunity to lie to her face or change the conversation around.

 

As soon as she’s inside, the other _guests_ are fluttering all around her, don’t even pay her any mind. It helps her better blend in to the shadows and skulk around in the background.

 

The more time she spent in there, the more confused she became. Why would Ken come to a place like this? A part of her told her that it was to stop these gatherings from happening, but something else was confusing her.

 

Among the guests, there seems to be a buzz and she soon found out why.

 

“I’ve heard rumors that it’s a young human girl they’ve picked up,” One of those masked attendants chortles. “They might sic that Taro-chan on her.”

 

His companion guffaws, very much out of place in his expensive suit. “That would make for a tasty meal.”

 

She’s furious. So that’s what was happening -- and surely enough, the attendants of the room all quiet down, as another man in a clown mask makes a grandiose announcement of what was to come, corroborating the story of those two idiots from before.

 

Touka felt sick to her stomach. She’s only ever heard rumors about Gourmet ghouls, but to see it in person --

 

“S-Souta-san?” The girl couldn’t have been older than Touka herself. She was pale as a sheet, skinny and looking terrified. “W-What is this?”

 

The person she was addressing, said nothing as he descends off the stage, the crowd watching with bated breath.

 

Touka had a sick feeling in her stomach.

 

She can hear the thunking steps of someone coming in from the iron gates up ahead. The human girl wouldn’t stand a chance -- and she’s right, the ghoul that walks through the door looks big and hungry. As do the others in the room, despite being dressed so lavishly, nothing could ever hide the sickening hunger of ghouls that preyed on humans. Such was their nature and Touka herself has never been exempt.

 

It made her sick to her stomach to look at the fear in the girl’s eyes as she looks up at the person who would be the one to kill her. There are cheers, shushed down by the other attendants that took some form of savage glee.

_Fear is the greatest spice of them all for ghouls._

 

She doesn’t know how she doesn’t react in that moment. As the big bastard goes swinging with his pendulum, she can see Ken incapacitate him, jumping on stage, right before the girl.

 

“Lock the doors.” Are his simple commands and then it’s complete chaos.

 

She hangs back, watching from the outside as more of the masked people, from Ken’s company no doubt, lock the doors and even Banjou descends down to kill the ghouls that try to make it out.

 

This was their grand plan. To recover humans from ghoul restaurants, stupidly putting themselves in danger. She was seething.

 

Why couldn’t he just rest? Why did he feel so compelled to throw himself in front of danger?

 

She’s furious -- and her rage is enough to make her pull off her mask. Banjou had been lunging towards her. Perhaps Ken had put out the order to kill all of the ghouls within the restaurant, but he falters the moment that he sees her face. His face is slack with shock. “K-Kirishima-san -- what --”

 

“Tell him I’ll be waiting for him at home,” she hisses as she walks towards him. “What? You’re not going to let me go?” She demands, causing Banjou to shake his head furiously. “O-Of course I am -- but the door--”

 

“I don’t need doors,” She says, this time using her kagune to shoot upward, out of a window near the ceiling. She sees Ken stop for a moment -- and she knows that he’s seen her. He’d recognize her kagune anywhere.

 

Good.

 

He’d come home soon, this way.

 

\--

 

When he gets home that night, she’s waiting and he just knows that she’s been there, that she’s seen what had happened. It didn’t matter that he saved an innocent human girl from a horrible death or that Tokyo was short a few murderous ghouls. She doesn’t know what makes her heart ache more.

 

“Just tell me the truth,” She pleads, a pained look in her eyes. It comes without any preamble, more so now than ever before. They’ve never needed to explain to the other why they knew things before any elaboration. “Why are you doing this?”

 

Things have changed, far enough that he answers truthfully, only looking slightly morose. He’s dressed the same way, smells the same way that he does before he left. Despite knowing that she’d know, he still took the precautions to make it seem like he was just _hanging out with friends._ In case, she didn’t know what he was up to.

 

“I want to protect this, I want to protect us.” He answers so simply, it pisses her off more than if he lied about it to her face.

 

“By what?” She hisses. “By infiltrating those fucked up restaurants?! You think saving a few humans from those people is going to save us from doves?”

 

It’s harsh, even to her own ears, but she’s far too angry to mind her tone. Things were going so well, they were going too well and Touka should have known that happiness, at the very least for her, will always be short lived.

 

“I won’t leave good enough alone,” He argues, a glimmer in his eyes that she’s never seen before. He looks absolutely insane. “I can’t stand not being able to do anything. And I won’t let anything pull us apart.”

 

She stares at him, numb with disbelief.

 

He really wouldn’t stop, would he? There was something about Kaneki -- it had been there even before aogiri had snatched him away from her. It was something destructive, and it had become even more apparent to her over the course of the time that they had been together. He wouldn’t stop doing this -- even if she begged and pleaded with him. It didn’t matter how much she argued with him -- nor did it matter how hard she tried to make him see reason, with her fists or otherwise.

 

For a moment, she’s not staring at Ken anymore, but the creature that her father had become all of those years ago.

 

He hadn’t left well enough alone, _either._

 

Touka squeezes her eyes shut. “You’re not going to stop?”

 

She doesn’t even have to look at him to know what his expression must look like. It’d be that stupidly determined one. She had once thought him to be spineless, but he had a stubbornness about him that could often put hers to shame. “I can’t, Touka,” he says. He tries to reach for her hand but she slaps his hand away from her. It’s enough to shock him, and he looks at her with wide, anxious eyes.

 

“Touka, please--”

 

“You haven’t changed at all,” she says, wrapping her arms around herself. There’s a sickness building in the pit of her stomach. “You didn’t go to anteiku back then, but nothing’s different, is there? You still want to play the fucking _hero_ ,” her words drip with venom as she speaks. He reaches for her again, only to be shoved this time.

 

“Don’t. Touch me.”

 

He looks desperate now, taking another step towards her. His hands twitch, as though battling with himself about whether or not to touch her. “You’re the only one who’s going to pull us apart,” she whispers. “Because you can’t -- you can’t just fucking stop this. You’re going to lead the doves right to us. Either them or aogiri.”

 

He tenses, “I’m not--”

 

“You are. That’s how my father died,” she whispers. “He did the same shit. And you know what? All it did was cause Ayato and I to grow up alone. All of that shit that you were doing before? Did it help anything? Did it do anything at all other than nearly get you killed?”

 

He doesn’t answer her. Ken’s hands ball into fists as they drop down to his sides.

 

Touka squeezes her eyes shut. She swallows, trying to choke down the sobs that were building inside of her. Her throat itches and her eyes burn.

 

“I guess I’m just not enough for you, huh?”

 

His eyes widen and he looks like he wants to speak, but she doesn’t give him the opportunity to as she shoves past him and out of the door. She’s not surprised that he doesn’t run after her, even though a small and stupid part of her desperately wants him to. Once again, she hadn’t been enough. That’s what it was, wasn’t it? She hadn’t been enough of a deterrent to keep her father from destroying himself, and she wasn’t enough to stop her husband from doing the same, either.

 

She couldn’t stop him.

 

And so, she makes a call.

 

“Yomo-san?” She whispers, struggling to keep her voice even. “Can I stay with you for awhile?”

 

\--

 

Ken doesn’t know what to do.

 

He watches her leave, at a loss for what to even say to her. He can’t seem to move in order to chase after her, either. She was right in that he couldn’t find it in himself to stop. Though, he wished that she could see that he was doing this for her. His hands ball into fists, and he looks down at his lap. The pain in his chest in palpable. No - he couldn’t stop. If he did, it would be the same as giving up on his new family, wouldn’t it?

 

Why couldn't she just understand?

 

He’s so distraught that he almost doesn’t see the flashing on his phone. He picks it up quickly, hoping that it’s Touka, but it’s not.

 

It’s from a number that he doesn’t even recognize.

 

**_You’ve been busy, haven’t you, Centipede?_ **

 

He stares at his phone, before quickly typing back another message. _Who’s this?_

 

 **_The person whose attention you’ve been trying to get_ ** , is all he receives in response. **_Congratulations! You’ve finally succeeded. Aren’t you happy?_ **

 

The person had an almost playful way of typing. They were toying with him, that much was clear. Ken grits his teeth. _I’m not going to play games with you. What do you want?_

 

It takes a few minutes before he gets a response. **_Then let’s not play_ ** _,_ the person writes. **_How about we meet up, instead and discuss a deal of sorts?_ **

 

This person had some serious gall. Though, was it someone from aogiri contacting him? It could be some other ghoul who simply wanted to toy with him. Meeting up sounded like a bad idea. Still, this could be a chance to learn more information, even if it was a trap. Touka wouldn’t like him agreeing to something like this.

 

_What kind of deal?_

 

 ** _Where’s the fun in telling you?_** **_That’s the fun about surprises! But, you’ll be happy to know that this deal is a mutually beneficial one._**

 

His interest is piqued at that message. Mutually beneficial? Aogiri could only benefit anyone if it was destroyed. He didn’t see how that could be possible, but he’s curious enough to hear this person out. If it didn’t work out, at least he would have an opportunity to pull up some **weeds.** He grimaces, thinking about Touka again.-

 

She wouldn’t like this at all.

 

But -- perhaps part of the problem was that he had been keeping things from her. What if he made an effort to include her? He didn’t like the idea of that. It would surely be dangerous, but he knew that he also couldn’t keep hiding things from her. He had to trust her, after all, part of this had all happened due to his lack in faith in her. He was afraid that she’d get herself killed -- or that _he’d_ get her killed.

 

He wanted her safe, but at this rate -- she’d either keep chasing after him or leave him all together.

 

He’d need to take a leap of faith.

 

 _I hope that it’s fine that I plan on bringing someone with me,_ he writes.

 

His decision was made.

 

\--

 

Yomo doesn’t ask her anything at all. The car ride back to the apartment he shared with Hinami is quiet. She keeps her gaze off to the side, watching the lights of Tokyo glimmering effervescently.

 

“When did you guys move out of Shittyama’s house?” She asked, hoping to distract herself.

 

“Last week, I couldn’t find it in myself to take advantage of their hospitality any longer.” Her lips pull up to a small smirk. Mirumo must be upset to lose his newly made friend so soon.

 

It’s a little strange how they’ve all become so acquainted with the Tsukiyamas, when a younger part of her would be mortified. Still, his family wasn’t so bad. Her thoughts come to a close as she thinks back to how far she’s come and how she kept making the same few circles every time.  

 

There was very little to think about when she’s gone through this cycle a hundred times. She thinks she’s cursed, doomed to love stupid men who were far too thick in the head. It feels a little better when she sees Hinami’s smiling face, the younger girl running up to her for a hug.

 

Touka embraces her tightly, feeling a little better already. “We’ll have a sleepover!” Hinami chirps, “I want to show you my room.”

 

Touka could hardly wait. The two of them stay up, talking about the things that have happened since she had been living on her own. Hinami looked so happy, showing her the parting gifts Shuu had given her. There was a collection of plushes of all sizes on her bed and an elegant writing desk where a stack of books remain. A metal vanity that was still quite bare aside from the essentials and a fluffy white rug on the floor that was far too comfortable to be legal.

 

Touka’s happy for Hinami and even though it made her heart hurt a little to have her ask about Ken.

 

“He’s okay.”

 

The younger girl looks a little hesitant to ask but she puts on the same brave face that Touka adored. “Is everything okay, nee-chan?” She clasps her hands on Touka’s. “You can tell me anything.”

 

And it was just like that when the dam breaks and she’s telling Hinami everything. A better part of her knew not to burden the younger girl but it was -- difficult. She just needed someone to listen, someone to tell her that she wasn’t crazy for being angry at him.

 

“When nii-chan and his group left Anteiku, they were doing something similar,” Hinami explains. “It was in an effort to curb Aogiri’s influence on the wards. I don’t know too much about it and he kept me away from most of the missions unless something needed my tracking.”

Hinami twiddles her thumbs nervously. “I didn’t know that he’d return to doing that though.”

 

Touka’s burning with anger again. “He is, and he -- had the nerve to tell me it was to keep us safe.” He was unbelievable. She wouldn’t be surprised if that was the excuse then too. “We were happy. Yeah, it was boring but I think for the crap we’ve both been through boring was going to be better than dead.”

 

Hinami’s eyes soften, she places one of her hands on Touka’s. “Nii-chan is really stubborn. But I think he’ll come around.”

 

There’s a knock at the door, Yomo peers in. “There’s someone here for you.”

 

Touka shares a look with Hinami, confused. Who the hell would come to see her? Yomo moves aside and in confusion, Touka follows the man to his living room.

 

It was Ken.

 

Hinami closes the door to her room and Yomo leaves to give them some privacy. He looks winded, only in his thin shirt and slacks, hair messy from the wind.

 

“Why’d you come here?” She folds her arms across her chest.

 

He gives her a nervous smile. “I came to talk,” he says. He winces when she starts to turn away from him. “I really did, Touka-chan -- I -- I want to be honest with you.” She laughs bitterly.

 

“Are you even capable of that?” She asks, her voice biting. “What good is talking when I can’t trust you to tell the truth? You’re just going to lie to my face.”

 

“Not this time,” Ken says, reaching for her hand. She moves away before he has the chance to touch her, however. He sighs, lips curling up into a sad smile. “I’ll tell you everything, okay? I don’t want to keep lying to you, either.”

 

He’s pleading with her and maybe she was stupid for believing him again. Maybe, this was all it was ever going to be. Kaneki lying to her and her believing him and that’s all there life ever was going to be.

 

“Please,” He takes a step forward, she finds herself unable to move anywhere but towards him. She really was a _dumbass._ He cups her face with his hands and she leans into his warm palm, finding the comfort that she’s been relishing all these weeks.

 

“This -- This is your last chance.” She knows this is a lie, there would always be a _last chance_ when it came to him. She was a glutton for punishment for this dumb man.

 

The smile is one of relief and he kisses her temple, holding her in his arms tightly.

 

“I can’t stand being unable to do anything,” He tells her, eyes focused on the far wall of the room. He realizes that they were hugging in the middle of Yomo-san’s apartment, where both Yomo and Hinami could probably hear him. “I can’t leave good enough alone and for that I’m sorry.”

 

“But that’s because I want you to be safe. I want the future for us to be safe so we won’t have to hide.” It’s childish, maybe. But he won’t take a half assed world. He was tired of losing people, and he was tired of seeing Touka lose people too.

 

“You can’t do it all alone,” She mumbles, bunching her hands in his jacket. “Do you get that? We worry for you. All of us.”

 

 _Me,_ goes unsaid.

 

“I know,” He admits, voice small and full of shame. “I’m sorry, I think I’ve been going about it wrong. We’re supposed to be equals, right?” He detracts from the embrace to look her in the eyes.  
  
She’s skeptical and for that, he doesn’t blame her.

 

“Then I want to be transparent. Fully.”

 

Her eyes widen, genuine surprised marking her face.

 

“I want you to come to this meeting with me, we’ll make this decision together.”

 

“Meeting?” She asks, tone unsure. Even when he shows her those messages, she can’t help but feel it’s a trap. A part of her, small and destructive, telling her that the two of them might as well be marching into death.

 

“Maybe it is a trap.” He admits. “But they’ve put me in this situation to begin with. Putting Rize’s kakuhou within me, letting me find the half truths like puzzle pieces and leading me to dead ends. I want to know why. I want to know what they can offer us.”

 

At least, that’s what it sounded like over those messages.

 

Touka clasps her hand around him, twining their fingers. This was the most reckless thing she’s ever done. She reads everything written on the phone screen, over and over again until she was less hesitant.

 

“Can we really trust this?” She asked with a small voice. Aogiri had been a focal point of conflict, they were the ones who had destroyed the one home Touka’s ever had. They ruined Ken’s life and yet --

 

“That’s why I want us to go together. I want to make this decision with you.” He gives her hand a squeeze.

 

With a shared look, Touka grabs her coat, pulling it on and the two set off.

 

\--

 

She doesn’t let go of his hand the whole time. Because she knew that if she did, she would crumble. In some hellhole abandoned lot, twenty minutes from Tokyo, Touka finds the farce of the CCG and Aogiri. There was a small, almost pixie like woman. She was covered in bandages, wearing a hooded robe as she sat on top on the hood of a large truck. Leaning on the side of the truck was a massive man who radiated power, dressed all in white. While Touka didn’t recognize him, she had heard enough about the CCG’s reaper to know exactly who he was.

 

She grits her teeth. A dove and a ghoul were working together? It didn’t make any sense.

 

Luckily, the bandaged woman appeared just as perturbed at first, casting her glances, or what she thought were glances, from under her ratty purple hood.

 

“Ayato-kun’s sister?” Touka seizes up, casting a glance at the woman before her eyes fall on CCG’s Reaper. She chooses not to answer. She wasn’t sure how much this woman knew about her, but she thought it would be better to keep any information that she could to herself. While she didn’t outwardly appear threatening, if she was apart of Aogiri, then she was clearly a force to be reckoned with.

 

Beside her, Ken growls.

 

“She’s one of the leaders,” he says, and he’s shivering, as though he were restraining himself. Yes, he remembered that woman well. She had taken one look at him before declaring him useless and giving him away to Ayato, who later had allowed Yamori to do as he pleased with him. Just seeing the woman was enough to infuriate him, but he calms when Touka gives his hand a reassuring squeeze.

 

The woman giggles. “It’s a good thing that you have him so tamed,” she comments, “We wouldn’t want him to do anything silly, now would we?” She asks, leaping from the top of the truck to stand beside the taller man, who casually brandishes a dark red quinque. Touka flinches, which makes the woman laugh harder. “Relax. We’re not here for a fight -- as long as no one tries to attack us first, right?” She nods towards the man.

 

“Correct,” he says, voice smooth. He didn’t sound the slightest bit threatened, neither of them did.

 

They were allied. If Touka weren’t so worried for her and Ken’s lives, she would be in comedic tears right now. To think that the CCG’s greatest weapon was aiding his bosses greatest enemy and plotting their destruction from within. “I am Eto,” the woman says, giving them a small curtsy that Touka would’ve rolled her eyes at if she weren’t so tense. “And this is Arima Kishou. I’m sure you’ve heard of him.”

 

Ken nods stiffly. While he had never encountered the man himself, he had heard all sorts of rumors about him. To all of the ghouls he had ever encountered during his search for aogiri, this man was the embodiment of death.

 

A true grim reaper.

 

Eto casts a glance at Touka, walking around her, as though she were appraising her. “So that’s who you’ve chosen,” Eto sounds amused, “You were trained by Yoshimura, right?” The mention of that name leaves Touka freezing as her eyes narrow at the smaller woman. Eto laughs, “Oh

my! Did I strike a nerve?”

 

“No,” Touka says, trying to hide how shaken she was at the mention of the man who had been her surrogate father. It wasn’t something that she liked to think about. “Are you going to get the point of why you called us here, or what?”

 

“Well,” Eto chuckles darkly, “Technically, I didn’t call _you_ at all, did I? My business was only with him,” and there’s a note of a warning in her voice. “Though, I think that your presence brings forth an opportunity as well,” she shrugs. “I’m surprised that you both came.”

 

“You said it would be mutually beneficial,” Ken answers, head held high. “I don’t truly believe that given Aogiri’s track record.”

 

Eto waves her hand, muttering about semantics. “We’ve longed to put this terrible world through a factory reset for years now. I think you would have been valuable in Aogiri but I don’t want a mutiny on my hands, you know.” She leans back, craning her neck to look at her silent partner.  
  
“He thinks you would fare better within the CCG.”

 

Both Ken and Touka look horrified.

 

“In the CCG?” Touka hisses, “Are you crazy? He’s a ghoul!”

 

“Half ghoul, a former human, who according to our reports didn’t set off any alarms when passing through the RC gates.” The Reaper speaks, voice calmer and as emotionless as his face is. “He holds Kamishiro Rize’s kakuhou, one embedded on the gates to not trigger the alarms.”

 

This chills her. “W-What? Why?”

 

Eto chuckles, “Silly girl, there’s still so much that you don’t know.” How far the Washuu’s reach go in terms of their iron control of the CCG. How they were funding research on a grand level that were turning humans into half ghouls.  She rocks forward on her heels, almost like a playful child would. “You shouldn’t ask such big questions when you’re so ignorant, you know,” her voice held an almost musical quality. “There’s a lot about the CCG that you don’t know. Just know that we want Kaneki-kun to be there for the betterment of all ghouls.”

 

Touka bristles, “You kill just as many ghouls as the doves,” she hisses, “And now you’re talking about _betterment_? Are you fucking serious?”

 

Eto laughs, “Very. As I said before, our methods aren’t something that you need to understand. You only need to play your part. You want things to get better too, don’t you?”

 

The pixie woman casts a sidelong glance at Ken and he wants to throw up, knowing that he was some sick science experiment to these people. “That is what you want, right?”  
  
He doesn’t answer her question, and Arima chooses that moment to speak, “You were Kanou’s magnum opus, Kaneki-kun.” He pushes his glasses up along the bridge of his nose. “The first artificial fusion between human and ghoul to be successful. You weren’t meant to survive, and yet you did. Isn’t that interesting to you?” He asks.

 

“What’s interesting is why a dove is working with a ghoul,” Ken says, voice dark.

 

Arima’s lips quirk. “I simply want things to change,” he says softly. “We’re all prisoners of fate in some ways, Kaneki Ken. Though, do you want to continue to just simply be a prisoner? I don’t think that you do. Why else would you go through all of this trouble?”

 

He grows silent and Touka can’t help but glare at him.

 

“You can’t really be considering this,” she whispers harshly, making Eto laugh again.

 

“What other choice do you both have?” She asks, amused. “Do you think that you can really keep living together in the world the way that it is?” Her question causes Touka to grow silent. “Do you know what your options are as a ghoul? It’s either hide or die. Eventually, you won’t be able to hide. A dove or a more powerful ghoul will eventually kill you. One way or another, you’ll both be ripped from each other,” her words take on a solemn tone.

 

Touka knows that she’s right.

 

Fuck, she doesn’t want her to be -- but she is.

 

She grits her teeth, giving Ken’s hand another hard squeeze.

 

“What did you want us to do?”

 

Eto smiles.

 

“Well, Kirishima-san -- how would you feel about continuing Yoshimura’s legacy?” She asks, to Touka’s surprise. “Ghouls could always use good coffee shops, you know?”

 

\--

 

The early lights of the morning filter in through the giant windows of Re:. Touka looks around the place, twirling a strand of her curled hair between her fingers. Things were changing so fast -- she felt more anxious than she’s ever felt before.

 

Over the past few months, she and Yomo have slaved over the preparations for opening their new Anteiku. One she had aptly named _Re:._ In the beginning, she wasn’t sure she would be able to go through with it. There was just so much that had to be done. From securing the place, furnishing and decorating it and the hardest of all, managing to not give in to the sadness that came with idea that she was somehow replacing Anteiku.

Yomo had assured her that she wasn’t.

 

“You’re continuing his legacy, you know.” Her eyes widen when she thinks back to what Eto had said all those months ago.

 

_Right._

 

She feels just a little braver now, taking over the Herculean task of creating a place for all ghouls to return to. It won’t be easy, but Touka’s always been a fighter and she would do her damndest to make the spirit of Anteiku linger on through her new cafe.

 

“Ready?” Hinami asks, her bright smile making the room that much brighter and easing some of Touka’s worries. She gives a nods at the younger girl, who was dressed in a similar white blouse, black slacks and apron ensemble as her. Slowly, Hinami opens the doors to Re, displaying out a welcome board onto the streets, tying red and white balloons to it so it would catch the attentions of anyone lingering by.

 

She releases a breath she didn’t know she was holding as a few curious customers come by. It’s been a few months since she’s interacted with anyone in a customer service level, but she finds that she can slowly ease right into it. Taking the helm as the Manager of Re, with her short fluffy bob and easy smile.

 

The place is bustling by midday when a familiar person decides to stop in for a much needed comforting cup after a long day.

 

Ken pushes his round framed glasses up the bridge of his nose as he looks at the finished product of the newest Anteiku. Eto, despite being so handsoff and distance, had still sent down an anonymous cardboard box full of old titles to stack up on the shelves after Ken had mentioned it in passing.

 

The place was a mess of decor, much more artistic than the classic feel of the previous cafe run by Yoshimura-san. But it felt just as homey.

 

He shrugs off his pinstriped blazer, draping it on the back of his chair before taking his seat. Today was the first ever day of his start at the CCG, as an Investigator First class, _Haise Sasaki._

 

It’s been a solid three weeks since he’s seen Touka and he was going mad from it. He was already doing everything he could to stick to the orders given to him but keeping away from Touka was starting to become a problem. But good news came in the form of a formal letter delivered to him by the zero squad Undersecretary where Arima Kishou pens that Sasaki had _passed his probationary period and was allowed to return home._

 

Ken was sure as all hell he was not allowed to do that but given the Reaper’s celebrity status, the powers that be seemed to bend to his will.

 

So now, here he was, longing to see his wife after time spent away for so long and she was nowhere to be found. In fact, he didn’t see any of the _staff._

 

Beginning to get impatient, he’s just about ready to march in to the back, when Touka comes, fluttering out with a matte tray that holds two cups of coffee.

 

He steadies the cup that could have just soiled his suit.

 

“I was going to surprise you,” He groans, frowning at the thought of whoever informed her first.

 

She places the tray down his table and turns to run her hands down his chest, easing them up until she could cup his face in her hands and feel the warmth of his skin and feast her eyes that he was really here. Not just flashes and bursts of him that she’d see through FaceTime or because he had some time to drop by during the weekend away from the academy.

 

“A few newly graduated doves came by as soon as I opened the place,” She told him dryly. “Apparently there’s some hot shot named Sasaki Haise that’s made history by graduating early.”

 

He leans down to kiss her on the lips, once, then twice, until she’s wrapped her arms around his neck to indulge the both of them in something deeper. Yes, it’s been far too long since she’s had this, nevermind that he came to visit any chance he got, it was just never the same.

 

“Sounds like competition,” Ken murmurs, “I hope he doesn’t come by here and charm you away from me.”

 

Touka rolls her eyes, lightly slapping his cheek. “I don’t like Doves, and besides, I’m married.”

 

“Is that so,” he purrs, leaning down to nip at her ear. She laughs, pushing him away.

 

“I have a surprise for you too, you know,” she says as she regrettably untangles herself from him. She goes behind the counter, bending down to reach for something that was on the shelf. “But, unlike you, I was actually able to keep it a surprise,” her voice has taken on a teasing quality, piquing his curiosity as he looks over the counter, trying to catch a glimpse at the small box that she had pulled out.

 

She sets it down in front of him, smirking. “Open it.”  
  
He quirks an eyebrow, “What is it?” Touka only continues to smile, making a motion towards her lips as though she were zipping them. He chuckles, before turning his attention back to the small blue box. Carefully, he opens it.

 

Inside were two small yellow socks. They were certainly too small for him -- or even Touka. In fact, they looked as though they belonged to an infant --

 

His eyes widen.

 

He looks down at the socks, and then back at Touka. Her smile has softened as she took his hands into hers, squeezing them.

 

“Surprise,” she whispers, bringing their joined hands up to her lips.

 

He can feel his chest beginning to burn, constricting tightly. His eyes grow blurry the longer that he stares at the two little socks. He clenches them in his hands, squeezing them. “I’m so lucky,” he murmurs, voice breaking as he feels Touka come out from behind the counter. She wraps her arms around him tightly, soothingly running her fingers through his hair.

 

“ _We’re_ lucky,” she corrects.

 

He laughs.

 

She was absolutely right.

 

\--

 

 _“I shall be telling this with a sigh_ _  
_ _Somewhere ages and ages hence:_ _  
_ _Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—_ _  
_ _I took the one less traveled by,_   
And that has made all the difference.”


End file.
